I'm an alcoholic and I abuse my medication

Old 06-25-2011, 10:49 AM
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I'm an alcoholic and I abuse my medication

My name is Shaun, I'm 22 years old. I live on the east coast. First, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to read this. I grew up in upper middle class, I have a brother who is my absolute best friend. He's 25. He actually introduced me to alcohol when i was 15. I graduated earlier then other students in my high school so by the time I was almost 17 I had nothing to do except party with my brother, drink alcohol, smoke marijuana, do MDMA, ect. By the time I was 18 i was drinking every day, Not a single day went passed that I did not drink. This continued until now, Never keeping a job because of my alcohol abuse. In the process getting a 2 DUI's and totaling two cars in less then a year. Roughly 9 months ago something happened that changed my life forever, I was at a bar. Alone, well...not alone but I didn't bring anyone with me. I talked s**t to the wrong person and we got into a fight, In the process someone shot me in the lower back right above my buttocks. I was out of the hospital in less then 4 days. Minor nerve damage but nothing I couldn't handle. I was warned by my doctor taking the pain medication he gave me with alcohol could be fatal, So to be honest I gave it to a friend of mine. I started having nightmares of the person who shot me (he was never caught, or even identified) I went to the doctor and he not knowing about my alcohol abuse prescribed me Aprazolam 1mg taken 2x daily as with Ambien 10mg once daily at bed time. The Ambien I gave to my buddy because I had heard bad things about it causing sleep driving/sleep walking/ ect ect. The Aprazolam which is the brand name is Xanax I began mixing with alcohol. Frequently giving me intense euphoria and then occasional black outs. I drunkenly left a voice message on my doctors voice mail after hours about some nonsense about the Xanax and he quickly took me off of it realizing I was abusing it. That sucked, I really did like the effects alcohol and xanax gave me. I felt invincible, like I was 10ft tall and bullet proof. Now I am drinking more then ever. Last night was the worst night of my life. I drank a fifth of some type Bacardi and several beers and absolutely trashed the house. Holes in the drywall, broken lamps, huge gash in my forehead from falling somewhere. I physically cannot stop drinking, The longest I can go in the morning when I wake up is 2 maybe 3 hours before I start shaking and i NEED to drink. I'm so ashamed of myself, My father has not spoken to me sense I was shot 9 months ago, My mother will call every day or two to make sure I'm still alive. I'm at my wits end.
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Old 06-25-2011, 11:03 AM
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Hey KB,

I too used to drink everyday because I wanted to escape. I was incredibly lonely and at the time, I felt no one would liked me so I started escaping via alcohol. I remember calling off work in the morning just so I could drink more and sleep all day to cure the massive hangover I would have. I felt invincible when I would drink so I would drunk dial and send stupid messages in chatrooms that I would regret in the morning. I was also self-medicating for insomnia. I had bad insomnia and thought the only way I could beat the insomnia was if I drank enough to pass out.

I later got treatment for insomnia and I was also diagnosed with panic disorder. I was put on anti-depressants and sleep medication. This caused me to stop drinking for a while. Like you, I was put on ambien and it would do weird things to me. It would cause me to blackout and it would also cause me to hallucinate. Needless to say, it didn't work so I abused it. Finally, I had a breakdown and I told my psychiatrist that it was making me blackout and hallucinate. Then, I was put on xanax and trazadone to help me sleep and I don't abuse those because they actually do help me sleep. When I was on ambien, I would also drink and not remember drinking. I am so ashamed of my past, but that's all behind me and now I'm a better person.

Evidently, you realized you have a problem by posting here. That's the first step: admitting you have a problem. You want help and SR is a great place where people will support you if you want help. There are lots of great people here and they will help you if you need help. By the way, you aren't alone because there are a lot of people here that are seeking help also. We all want to quit a habit and lots of people here have been successful at it and will give you advice. It's all in the past now. The next step is to take one day at a time and learn from your mistakes.

I guarantee that your life will be better once you are sober. Now, you need to learn how to live life sober. It is possible because lots of people are doing it. People still struggle but they make it through. I'm currently new to being sober, but I'm happier than I've ever been. I realized that abusing alcohol and abusing medication made me very unhappy. I'm happy now. You can be happy too. =D Welcome to SR and God bless!
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Old 06-25-2011, 11:27 AM
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Welcome Wagoneer
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Welcome to SR

You remind me of my final years in addiction. Every possible thing was falling apart around me because of my heavy drinking/drugging.

I would suggest you look into information regarding PTSD because of you being shot in the back. Being here at SR is a good place to begin your addiction treatments. Other things like having a treatment plan, reading recovery literature, attending AA or SMART programs and other healthy plans for healing out of addiction can help too.
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Old 06-25-2011, 03:29 PM
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Post Re: I am an alcoholic and I abuse medications

Hey kbcobra. "SR".

Having amazing people around us is truly rewarding, especially in early recovery. There is a ton of information on AA and alcohol related recovery outlets and PTSD as well. Partnering in with those in a sober network can produce lasting results, and some much needed clarity when need be. Don't ever be ashamed or even embarrassed about your past, just reach out and grab the hand of "AA" as it guides you towards a better life, ODAAT.

Recovering alcoholics need to support each other in order to stay sober themselves, so get involved and stay connected. Taking the necessary steps towards achieving lasting sobriety should be paramount to anything else, so dive in with both hands, get connected through your local AA affiliates and develop a sober routine that can reward you, here and now. There are also PTSD support groups that can benefit you as well, if need be. We are a support forum who can help you make informed decisions every step of the way.

Talking to an addiction counselor or a doctor who specializes in treating disorders like alcohol or PTSD is a good first step as well. Whatever you decide to do, try to remember this one tidbit as you proceed from here: Never give up on yourself or recovery programs and never stop believing that life can get better, because it will -if you allow it too. We won't stop believing in miracles, and neither should you. Your only one step away from becoming the next miracle and AA's first step is where it all began for me and I hope it will be for you as well -one day at a time.

~God bless~
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Old 06-25-2011, 05:24 PM
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Life the gift of recovery!
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Welcome to SR
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Old 06-25-2011, 05:34 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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You will need a professional to diagnose PTSD....and then...they will offer
you a treatment plan to best suit your situation. We can't give med advice or suggest what meds ..if any...are best for you

It might be a good idea to check out treatment centers who offer extended stays ..or a short term de tox facility.
I think this is still a working resource....

The National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service available at 1-800-662-HELP. This service can provide you with information about treatment programs in your local community and allow you to speak with someone about alcohol problems

Hopeline-dot-com has free 1-800 line that will connect any caller in the US who needs help to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The number is:

1- 800-784-2433


You are indeed a lucky young man ,,,to survive a shooting and 2 car wrecks... Glad you are interested in improveing your future.
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Old 06-25-2011, 05:41 PM
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Welcome Shaun

some great advice here - I particular agree with Carol about getting a PTSD diagnosis....he may also have some guidance on available rehab, or a suitable recovery programme, as well as advice on safe detox

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