Your reason for becoming an addict?
 

Has everyone found their reason for what drove them to be an alcoholic? I always hear that there was something in your life that you were hiding from that always drives someone to alcoholism. And that that thing will come to haunt them when they stop and they will have to deal with it head on.
I'm still pretty fresh in my recovery(12 days) but I feel great and have had no epiphanies about what drove me to keep drinking more and more over the years.

That's what I'm assuming too. But there was nothing bad I was feeling. I mean, it started after I moved in with my(now) wife. But I certainly don't attribite it to her. I've always had some anxiety issues, but it doesn't seem so bad, not compared to what booze was doing to me. My drinking also got worse after I broke my arm(right after moving in with the wife) and found myself unable to work out, which is something that was a complete passion for me before things with alcohol got out of hand. Fortunately, that is what I am returning to and replacing my alcohol obsession with. I'd rather be obsessed with my health than killing myself with alcohol.

Fear,fear, and did I mention fear. Not so much of people, but of the uncontrolability of life as it comes. Not so much now, due to working the AA steps with a sponsor and finding a faith in something Greater than me. Way to go on 12 days.

I long ago stopped trying to find any underlying causes.

After a certain point, an addiction will feed on itself, and any original reasons for starting are not so relevant anymore, in that solving those reasons will not necessarily solve the addiction.

It is better to quit first, and to subsequently deal with any issues that may arise with a clear head, than it is to try and solve issues in order to quit. There is no guarantee that solving issues will lead to abstinence.

To quote an overused, though rather accurate Japanese Proverb:

In my experience alcoholism is not that bothered whether you have an underlying issue or not....

I have a few i could pin it on...if the mood takes me..

My best friends declares he has none...good childhood... healthy functional
adult...and a top class doctor.

Yet we ended up in the same room.....with the same book....and the same awful coffee..lol..
he and i have felt the same desperation of chronic alcoholism...

And we both found the same solution.....two people from very different backgrounds........
Solutions are the key........trying to find reasons tends to give me a headache.....lol.

Don't know if you need a specific reason. For me it started out as fun, then to socialize, next to relieve stress and finally to ease withdrawal symptoms.

For me, it was always about trying to numb myself. numb myself from the pain of my reality. i've always been kind of a depressed person. and then i had some personal reasons for why i drank even more, because of how sad and miserable i was. i just wanted to escape, any way possible. and drinking allowed me to do that. now, its just turning on me.

Drinking was the only way I knew how to make friends, be comfortable around girls, and have fun. When I wasn't drinking, I was alone, lonely, and didn't like myself. I found out the hard way that drinking is a terrible way to handle those problems, and thankfully I figured that out before it was too late!

Drinking removed my self-awareness. When i wasn't self-aware, i had confidence.
Amazing, in college, it worked. The solution grew into a problem.

Simple... I liked the way it made me feel.

I think it was selfishness, I wanted to feel the buzz and escape into oblivion. It was always about me wanting the drink, while the rest of the people at home stayed sober.

My parents created a very high stress environment that established w/in me a general state of anxiousness and feeling that love is conditional.

I dated a gal from 8th grade until my freshman year of college, at which time she fell for a new kid in town.

I was inconsolable, had sh!t coping skills, and the only advice my parents new to give was to pray.

I wore my knees out for three months before alcohol came into my life and "succeeded" where God had "failed".

Throw in a bit of genetic propensity towards alcoholism, and the situation became a perfect storm.

I was aware of NONE of this until I quit drinking and began working a recovery program.

For me, the forensics are critically important because:

1. It was digging through my backstory where I discovered I was an anxious person and I tend to give love conditionally.

2. My unborn children are likely to inherit this same genetic propensity towards addiction.

3. For better or worse, I'm simply not ok w/not understanding they dynamics and circumstances surrounding my becoming an addict.

In short, I needed to dig into my past to understand and learn the kind of person I was going into recovery.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My parents were dysfunctional as were theirs. I married a dysfunctional man and together we made for an extremely dysfunctional marriage. I was depressed as a teen. It was then when I discovered alcohol creating that "false" euphoric feeling of happiness I was lacking. I later drank in my marriage to escape my unhappiness. My marriage ended and I was left with myself and all of my pain and resentments. There was no doubt that I needed to make changes from within, heal from my past. I could quit drinking, but would still have heavy baggage. It was after I quit drinking and worked through my "issues" I finally found myself and true happiness. Perhaps I drank to drink and it became a bad habit, but it certainly took a turn for the worse. I definitely am an alcoholic. If I had not been, I would have been an unhappy sober person. Being an alcoholic forced me to take a deep look at myself and work on fixing all that was broken. I don't know if I ever would have done that had it not been for my alcoholism. I drank to heal the pain, to escape, to forget, but it didn't work on doing any of that. It brought all of it to the surface. There is also the fact of lacking the "switch", the ability to stop. I remember being so drunk and hating what I was doing to myself and what I had become. I was disgusted and the entire time I was thinking all of this I was reaching for my glass to drink more. I thought how drunk to you have to be? It is weird...there is so much more to it than just liking to drink.

i started to drink as a rebelion against my non drinking very religious family.. the same reason I experimented with sex and smoked cigarettes.

When I moved far away... continued to do all 3..and added a few more dangerous activities ..Yes I was a thrill and pleasure seeking woman for 30 years...:)

I consider the final 5 years of my drinking ..I slid unaware into addiction. and was astounded to discover I simply could not quit drinking by wishing it away.

Drinking had turned me into a woman I detested...depressed and empty. It was a dark time in my life.

Then I read 'Under The Influence' byMilam &Kecham ..while not everything applied to me..a lot did and convinced me to quit.

I took that eye opening info...re connected to God and began working the AA Steps....I've not returned to drinking for 22 years.

thanks for letting me share part of my journey...:ring

I sometimes think of my relationship with alcohol as a love affair..The first time I felt the
effects I was hooked.

I feel that some of it has to be genetic on some hand, or biological...I don't think that
any "thing" can make you alcoholic..

People from all kinds of upbringings and backgrounds are alcoholic..Good and bad

I drank because alcohol made me feel happy! :c031: I was a happy, overindulged, youngest child. I came to believe, I should be happy ALL of the time. As I grew older and life became more complex I found liquid happiness, sure it let me down from time to time but hey nothing's perfect right? I simple could not see that I was giving my whole being up, in the vain attempt to be happy all the time by drinking. Even when I depressed and had suicidal ideations I could not imagine being happy without alcohol. So I think the question of why I began to drink has little to do with my recovery. I now am beginning to feel genuine happiness and I do remember it. I understand that it is not my God given right to be happy ALL the time. I realize that recovery and learning to live my life are most important issues, and if there is happiness it is a gift. So let me not forget gratitude.

I drank because I was self-medicating. I wanted to be free from anxiety that I feel everyday, but I didn't know at the time that drinking alcohol caused me to have more anxiety. It gave me temporary relief, but at the cost of my health and making a fool out of myself.

I also drank too fit in with various social groups. I wanted friends so I thought I had to drink to prove my loyalty to the group. It was dumb, I know but I realize that it was dumb now, at least. I shouldn't have to drink to fit in.

I drank because I was bored. I thought that drinking was fun for a while and then it stopped being fun especially when I had to pay for it the next morning with a hangover.

I'm sure I have a good list of compelling reasons that brought me to the drink. And each one of those initial causes that made me seek a simple way to feel good, relieved, forgetful. Forget got forgotten along the way of decades of addiction.

Oh sure, what drove me to escape feeling bad stuff lingered in my new sober life. But the first order of business was to get and stay sober. Interesting enough the initial causes that started me on that long path of active addiction, mattered little compared to practicing a recovery plan that addressed specifically addiction.

Now with a base of sobriety, thanks to an addiction treatment plan, I can look into those dark recess of my pre-drug days that may (most likely) have caused me to pick up in the first place.

Just expanding what was already posted as a reply to you Alchy...hope it helps...it did help me to try to help you.

Ditto what Undead said about anxiety. I also have severe insomnia and panic attacks that I was self-medicating. Ironically, these have all improved since I stopped drinking and are now manageable with real medication and a variety of cognitive therapies and behaviors (like daily exercise, light therapy, and avoiding caffeine).

FWIW, I was raised by loving parents and don't have any big unresolved issues I'm hiding from, just the usual relationship regrets and stuff that everyone has.

GG