It's got to stop

Old 06-20-2011, 09:14 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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It's got to stop

I'm 41 I know better, nothing good ever comes from drinking. I have wanted to quit for years and years so many failed attempts. It has held me back from so many things I wanted to achieve. It has turned me into a recluse that pushed everybody that cared about me away.
Last night I blacked out, I drove somewhere and do not even remember it. I never drive while drunk but this time I did but I didnt even know i did or was doing it. I couldve killed somebody. This has scared the **** out of me. ITS GOTTEN BAD.
I quit last year for 90days and felt so good i never thought I would go back but I did. I've been beating myself up for it ever since then and I have been telling myself that i can do it again but never do.

I signed myself up for and Intensive adult outpatient program this morning. Our insurance covers it so I did it. I have never gone to this extreme. I would love to go to an inpatient deal but i cannot afford to be out of work money is tight and I need to pay the bills.

I had to do something because it has to end. Im not a bad person, Im actually a really good person with a really bad alcohol problem. I do not want to be this way anymore or waste anymore of my life. I dont even know who I am right now.

I just want these dark feelings to leave me alone and to feel normal again, its got to get better it has got to be different. Please tell me it gets nbetter.
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Old 06-20-2011, 09:36 PM
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Life the gift of recovery!
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to SR.

It sounds like you have a plan to get help. I hope you find the support that this program provides for me.
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Old 06-20-2011, 09:39 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2005
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Red face It Gets Better!!

Hi Dozer!

Congratulations on making a decision to stop drinking and following that decision by some ACTION (the IOP). In addition to IOP there is a lot of support to be had here.

If you stop and stay stopped it WILL get better. Black-outs are scary and are an indication that your alcoholism is progressing. Driving in a black-out is enough to scare the crap out of anyone. Like you said, no telling what could have happened but I am glad you are ok.

You say you're not a bad person. Of course you're not. In AA I've heard the saying that we are not bad people trying to get good but instead we are sick people trying to get well.

Keep us updated on your progress and let us know if you have questions or need support.

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Old 06-20-2011, 09:59 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Many of us are winning over alcohol....and that can be true for you too..

welcome to our recovery community...
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Old 06-20-2011, 10:24 PM
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DOS: 11/6/10
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Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Welcome, and congrats on your action! Many of us weren't as quick on the draw to find help... And yes, I do remember that despair when I first realized I was indeed an alcoholic. Not only does it get better, but life without booze is nothing short of amazing. During my recovery, I've gone from being terrified of being "found out" to where it's not really an issue any more.

Again, I commend you on your commitment... we're here for you and rooting for you.
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Old 06-20-2011, 10:28 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
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It gets better. I promise. Give it time. And remember; you're not alone.
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Old 06-21-2011, 06:23 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Thanks!! goes nothin'

Thanks everyone for the kind words and support. I still feel sick from Sundays binge. I am off to work, then to the Intensive Outpatient Treatment facility to get signed up. I feel like somebody punched me in the gut, I cant believe its come to this and I didnt have the strength to quit this thing on my own. I hope that someone in this program can drill it into my thick skull that I need to stay clean.
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Old 06-21-2011, 06:45 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dozer View Post
Im not a bad person, Im actually a really good person with a really bad alcohol problem.
I think you just described 99% of this all alcoholics. A lot of people think alcoholics are some sort of low life lazy person that just wants to stay drunk all the time. Truth is most alcoholics are very good people that just so happen to have this problem with alcohol. I couldn't even begin to tell you how many people use to say about me "He's a really good person...when he doesn't drink".

The IOP is a good start for you. I completed an IOP some years back and it gave me a very good starting point for a 6 yr stretch of sobriety.

It does get better if you want it to get better. I don't have the years & years of sobriety that some here on this site have so I don't want to go spouting off all this advice to you like I know everything because I don't, but I will offer you one important thing I have learned about staying sober. It is a complete lifestyle change. It's not "just" stopping drinking. It's cleaning up all the aspects of your life which you are not happy with so that everything else will fall into place. Once you start working on not just the quitting drinking but on anything else that you want to better yourself with, then you will find that not drinking starts to become much easier.

Let us know how the IOP goes for ya.

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Old 06-21-2011, 08:59 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Welcome Wagoneer
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Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 14,817
Welcome to SR Dozer.

By the time I sought help with my addiction I had messed up my life real bad too. Then It would get way more better when I sought treatment and being sober. I see you had a very common experience with getting sober as I have.

Originally Posted by Dozer
I quit last year for 90days and felt so good
Yes it dose feel very good. Even when things don't feel good, I know that it's nothing like the deplorable emotional anguish that I found myself in active addiction.

Addiction treatment was my way out of constant drugging/drunkenness. Finding a new direction to go in life has made living easy, through the good and the bad times. Sobriety is the means that I find simple solutions for complex daily living problems.
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