Can I Learn To Control My Drinking?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Wausau WI
Posts: 134
Can I Learn To Control My Drinking?
Hey. I am 7 days sober now. i have been doing better lately. every one has been saying so, my husband, and family. they say it looks like i'm pulling myself together and keeping my emotions in check. the last time i drank i didn't even get drunk drunk, just had a couple drinks with my friends, and i tried to just sip at my drink. i know that know one believes that i can learn to be a moderate drinker, but i just am so determined. my goal is to be able to go weeks with out drinking, but still be able to have a glass of wine occasionally with dinner or while watching a good movie or something. i enjoy my wine. what's wrong with one glass once a week or so if i can honestly keep it in check. yes, i'm an alcoholic, but if i can learn to control it, like say i only drink my glass or two of wine once a week, and only get drunk drunk once a month or so, is that really so bad? please don't be judgemental.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 426
I think the key conflict lies between:
and
If both of those statements are true, it simply won't work. You can try it, and you likely already have at some point, as we all seem to have gone down that road a few dozen or hundred times... But if moderating isn't a realistic goal to begin with, it'll do nothing but create needless suffering.
Originally Posted by pinkfirefly 
yes, i'm an alcoholic...
Originally Posted by pinkfirefly
my goal is to be able to go weeks with out drinking, but still be able to have a glass of wine occasionally with dinner or while watching a good movie or something.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Wausau WI
Posts: 134
lol. ya ya. sorry. i really should stop posting questions like this. half of the people on this forum are getting really fed up with me. i'm not trying to be annoying. i'm just trying to talk about my feelings, even if they do sound irrational. sorry if you all don't like it. but isn't that what this board is for, to help people get through tough times, and let them vent when they want to vent, and talk to them and help them, and just be there for them to support them. i know you all can't really help. i'm looking for support. some times i think you should re name this board, just for people who are recovering alcoholics, because unless i say that i havn't been drinking, every one judges me and is rude.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
My experience has been
For years I tried controlled drinking. What I found was that each and every time I was able to control for a period of time but I always wound back up in the same place in the end which was overdoing it and winding up in some kind of trouble or embarrassment. I would then stop drinking for a while, then try the controlled drinking again and the whole circle would come back around. I spun in this cycle for more than 15 years. One thing I learned was that when I controlled my drinking I did not enjoy it and when I enjoyed it I could not control it.
It was only when I realized that I matched the definition of insane as written by Albert Einstien, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results", was I able to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic and therefore I can not drink like a normal person. That means I can not drink alcohol without winding back up in the cycle.
I have learned over the past 10 years of sobriety that I do not miss alcohol, even a "few drinks with friends". I have found that it is nice to actually remember what my friends and I have talked about and the fun we had while out. I have found that the people that are important in my life don't mind that I don't drink, in fact don't even seem to notice or make me feel different for it. There are many other benefits and things that are better today but too many to list in this post.
To sum things up, it is my experience if someone is truly an alcoholic the chances of learning to do controlled drinking is likely impossible. But that is my experience and opinion not written in stone anywhere.
For years I tried controlled drinking. What I found was that each and every time I was able to control for a period of time but I always wound back up in the same place in the end which was overdoing it and winding up in some kind of trouble or embarrassment. I would then stop drinking for a while, then try the controlled drinking again and the whole circle would come back around. I spun in this cycle for more than 15 years. One thing I learned was that when I controlled my drinking I did not enjoy it and when I enjoyed it I could not control it.
It was only when I realized that I matched the definition of insane as written by Albert Einstien, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results", was I able to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic and therefore I can not drink like a normal person. That means I can not drink alcohol without winding back up in the cycle.
I have learned over the past 10 years of sobriety that I do not miss alcohol, even a "few drinks with friends". I have found that it is nice to actually remember what my friends and I have talked about and the fun we had while out. I have found that the people that are important in my life don't mind that I don't drink, in fact don't even seem to notice or make me feel different for it. There are many other benefits and things that are better today but too many to list in this post.
To sum things up, it is my experience if someone is truly an alcoholic the chances of learning to do controlled drinking is likely impossible. But that is my experience and opinion not written in stone anywhere.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
Posts: 618
Originally Posted by nandm
My experience has been
For years I tried controlled drinking. What I found was that each and every time I was able to control for a period of time but I always wound back up in the same place in the end which was overdoing it and winding up in some kind of trouble or embarrassment. I would then stop drinking for a while, then try the controlled drinking again and the whole circle would come back around. I spun in this cycle for more than 15 years. One thing I learned was that when I controlled my drinking I did not enjoy it and when I enjoyed it I could not control it.
It was only when I realized that I matched the definition of insane as written by Albert Einstien, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results", was I able to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic and therefore I can not drink like a normal person. That means I can not drink alcohol without winding back up in the cycle.
I have learned over the past 10 years of sobriety that I do not miss alcohol, even a "few drinks with friends". I have found that it is nice to actually remember what my friends and I have talked about and the fun we had while out. I have found that the people that are important in my life don't mind that I don't drink, in fact don't even seem to notice or make me feel different for it. There are many other benefits and things that are better today but too many to list in this post.
To sum things up, it is my experience if someone is truly an alcoholic the chances of learning to do controlled drinking is likely impossible. But that is my experience and opinion not written in stone anywhere.
For years I tried controlled drinking. What I found was that each and every time I was able to control for a period of time but I always wound back up in the same place in the end which was overdoing it and winding up in some kind of trouble or embarrassment. I would then stop drinking for a while, then try the controlled drinking again and the whole circle would come back around. I spun in this cycle for more than 15 years. One thing I learned was that when I controlled my drinking I did not enjoy it and when I enjoyed it I could not control it.
It was only when I realized that I matched the definition of insane as written by Albert Einstien, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results", was I able to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic and therefore I can not drink like a normal person. That means I can not drink alcohol without winding back up in the cycle.
I have learned over the past 10 years of sobriety that I do not miss alcohol, even a "few drinks with friends". I have found that it is nice to actually remember what my friends and I have talked about and the fun we had while out. I have found that the people that are important in my life don't mind that I don't drink, in fact don't even seem to notice or make me feel different for it. There are many other benefits and things that are better today but too many to list in this post.
To sum things up, it is my experience if someone is truly an alcoholic the chances of learning to do controlled drinking is likely impossible. But that is my experience and opinion not written in stone anywhere.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 236
I had my own response ready, but nandm said it all.
If one is truly an alcoholic, it's very unlikely one will be able to control one's drinking. Ever. And I frequently find that people who are not alcoholics don't try to control their drinking - because they are already in control. I, for one, am not. I tried just getting drunk once a month, then it became just once or twice a month, then just once a week, then once or twice a week, then back to every day again. I thought the same thing - surely I can just have a beer here or there and maybe go out every once in awhile and get a little bit crazy. Nope. Once it starts, it doesn't stop until it has consumed me once more. It's just easier not to drink than to have to stress and work hard at the ultimately futile effort of controlling it. That's just too much work for something that's just not worth it to me.
If one is truly an alcoholic, it's very unlikely one will be able to control one's drinking. Ever. And I frequently find that people who are not alcoholics don't try to control their drinking - because they are already in control. I, for one, am not. I tried just getting drunk once a month, then it became just once or twice a month, then just once a week, then once or twice a week, then back to every day again. I thought the same thing - surely I can just have a beer here or there and maybe go out every once in awhile and get a little bit crazy. Nope. Once it starts, it doesn't stop until it has consumed me once more. It's just easier not to drink than to have to stress and work hard at the ultimately futile effort of controlling it. That's just too much work for something that's just not worth it to me.
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
Didn't you already try this?? And if my recollection is correct, it did not work. Your family and friends think you're doing better, because you're not drinking. 1 + 1 = 2. You're trying to do 1 + (-1). 
This will always turn out to be 0, nothing can come of it, why, because you're an alcoholic. You said so yourself. Until you are truly ready to give up the fight, you will always be adding 1 + (-1). Two steps forward and 1 step back will get you no where fast in my book, but at this point, I think you already know that.
This will always turn out to be 0, nothing can come of it, why, because you're an alcoholic. You said so yourself. Until you are truly ready to give up the fight, you will always be adding 1 + (-1). Two steps forward and 1 step back will get you no where fast in my book, but at this point, I think you already know that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
When I found out I had high blood pressure about 12 years ago,I quit drinking. I had also started riding my bicycle about 3 years earlier. I started riding at least twice a week when I got the bad news.
My "quit drinking" idea lasted about a month before I bought a 6 pack after a 12 mile ride on a hot afternoon. I then somehow decided it was OK as long as I rode my bike first. By the end of the summer I was riding every evening and getting sloshed afterwards. I could ride 12 miles in record time,but I was just as big of drunk as ever. I could write a whole page of examples like this of things I did where I was going to control my drinking.
My only solution to controlling it is to never start in the first place. I have a feeling your solution is the same.
Fred
My "quit drinking" idea lasted about a month before I bought a 6 pack after a 12 mile ride on a hot afternoon. I then somehow decided it was OK as long as I rode my bike first. By the end of the summer I was riding every evening and getting sloshed afterwards. I could ride 12 miles in record time,but I was just as big of drunk as ever. I could write a whole page of examples like this of things I did where I was going to control my drinking.
My only solution to controlling it is to never start in the first place. I have a feeling your solution is the same.
Fred
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
I have a friend who insists she is a 'controlled alcoholic'. She rarely drinks, but when she does, it's awful to witness her downward spiral.
Last time she drank, she threatened at least 5 women in the room for absolutely no reason, verbally abused the hostess of the party in front of everyone, and drove home in a temper, taking the mailbox out as she reversed out of the driveway.
Not saying you would be like that, of course. It's just I wanted to let you know that 'controlled alcoholism' has it's pitfalls. If you can do it, then power to you. I can't, and if my friend was honest - she can't either.
Last time she drank, she threatened at least 5 women in the room for absolutely no reason, verbally abused the hostess of the party in front of everyone, and drove home in a temper, taking the mailbox out as she reversed out of the driveway.
Not saying you would be like that, of course. It's just I wanted to let you know that 'controlled alcoholism' has it's pitfalls. If you can do it, then power to you. I can't, and if my friend was honest - she can't either.
captainb53
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Inwood, West Virginia
Posts: 1
Controlled Drinking?
Originally Posted by pinkfirefly
Hey. I am 7 days sober now. i have been doing better lately. every one has been saying so, my husband, and family. they say it looks like i'm pulling myself together and keeping my emotions in check. the last time i drank i didn't even get drunk drunk, just had a couple drinks with my friends, and i tried to just sip at my drink. i know that know one believes that i can learn to be a moderate drinker, but i just am so determined. my goal is to be able to go weeks with out drinking, but still be able to have a glass of wine occasionally with dinner or while watching a good movie or something. i enjoy my wine. what's wrong with one glass once a week or so if i can honestly keep it in check. yes, i'm an alcoholic, but if i can learn to control it, like say i only drink my glass or two of wine once a week, and only get drunk drunk once a month or so, is that really so bad? please don't be judgemental.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Hi Pink
The only thing I can add is that moderation takes a lot of energy and is not an easy road to go down. Whilst I have dreamed of what you say you want- I know what comes with it and it is not sustainable for me. I am now 34 days sober and I have to say - it's easier than drinking and it's easier than trying to maintain moderation in the face of having cravings driving me to distraction.
what ever you decide is up to you
The only thing I can add is that moderation takes a lot of energy and is not an easy road to go down. Whilst I have dreamed of what you say you want- I know what comes with it and it is not sustainable for me. I am now 34 days sober and I have to say - it's easier than drinking and it's easier than trying to maintain moderation in the face of having cravings driving me to distraction.
what ever you decide is up to you
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Pink)))))
There is a saying around recovery circles:
"You cannot change a pickle back into a cucumber."
Sweetie, your cucumber days are over.
Save yurself, save your marriage, be a good mom to yur children. The only way to do that is finally admit to yourself, which you have in the past, that you CANNOT DRINK.
Each one of your posts since Oct 2010 when you joined, you have been given lots of ways to NOT DRINK. Lots of ways to learn how to LIVE SOBER.
Have you tried even one of them yet, besides just not drinking by your own will power?
Maybe it's time to try some of them.
Love and hugs,
There is a saying around recovery circles:
"You cannot change a pickle back into a cucumber."
Sweetie, your cucumber days are over.
Save yurself, save your marriage, be a good mom to yur children. The only way to do that is finally admit to yourself, which you have in the past, that you CANNOT DRINK.
Each one of your posts since Oct 2010 when you joined, you have been given lots of ways to NOT DRINK. Lots of ways to learn how to LIVE SOBER.
Have you tried even one of them yet, besides just not drinking by your own will power?
Maybe it's time to try some of them.
Love and hugs,
not little, a stranger no more
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: in the crowd
Posts: 410
Hi Pink,
I've been following some of your posts and great that you didn't drink for a week and feel better.
I won't judge you for thinking that maybe you could drink moderately. But guess what? I've been there, more times than I can remember, and at least I can say for myself that I spectacularly failed.
But strange thing is, everytime I managed to string together a bit of sobritety and started to feel better and less depressed, my brain would completely blend out that two weeks before, while I was drinking, I felt like the biggest failure on earth, worthless and suicidal. That's alcoholism- I'm by personal affinity more leaning towards science than to AA when it comes to addiction and ways to deal with it, but AA has gotten the part about "cunning and baffling disease" right and it does help many people. So I completely get the part saying: "Oh well maybe I can drink in moderation, after all I feel better", but chances are that it's just tricking you.
I wouldn't take any chances- after all you want to feel better and happier in a permanent way, and if there are any chances at all that alcohol could make you feel miserable and depressed again, consider letting go of the option to be able to drink just a bit. It's not worth the risk, is it? If you feel like you can't cope with that yet, maybe you can postpone drinking for some time, and when you get there, decide if you want to postpone it further? I don't know if that could temporarily lighten the task, but I remember doing that in early sobriety at times. Take care,
Lionne
I've been following some of your posts and great that you didn't drink for a week and feel better.
please don't be judgemental.
But strange thing is, everytime I managed to string together a bit of sobritety and started to feel better and less depressed, my brain would completely blend out that two weeks before, while I was drinking, I felt like the biggest failure on earth, worthless and suicidal. That's alcoholism- I'm by personal affinity more leaning towards science than to AA when it comes to addiction and ways to deal with it, but AA has gotten the part about "cunning and baffling disease" right and it does help many people. So I completely get the part saying: "Oh well maybe I can drink in moderation, after all I feel better", but chances are that it's just tricking you.
I wouldn't take any chances- after all you want to feel better and happier in a permanent way, and if there are any chances at all that alcohol could make you feel miserable and depressed again, consider letting go of the option to be able to drink just a bit. It's not worth the risk, is it? If you feel like you can't cope with that yet, maybe you can postpone drinking for some time, and when you get there, decide if you want to postpone it further? I don't know if that could temporarily lighten the task, but I remember doing that in early sobriety at times. Take care,
Lionne
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