Can I Learn To Control My Drinking?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1
I'm an alcoholic at 22 (realized it at 21). I also have read enough to realize this is an abstinence forum but I have asked the question many times of if I could control it. I would be good for a week or two but then fall into the same bad cycle.
I was never one to drink alone a lot but I would on occasion. I was a social alcoholic and I could always find someone (enablers) to drink with. I went and saw a counselor a year ago and presented him with this question. He agreed with everything presented already. It is not possible for an alcoholic to control their drinking.
I miss alcohol but I also know what the consequences are. I see people suggesting do it for your kids/marriage. But I never liked when other people cared, I knew I had to do it for myself if I wanted to accomplish the things I wanted to in life.
I might miss drinking everyday but everyday of thinking about it turns into once a week and eventually I dont think about drinking at all for a while. There is no such thing as moderation for me...it is either 100mph or 0. I used to wish I could be like my friends who don't need the bottle but I'm not and have accepted it.
I can totally relate to you on some level. Moderation will never work...sorry to ramble.
I was never one to drink alone a lot but I would on occasion. I was a social alcoholic and I could always find someone (enablers) to drink with. I went and saw a counselor a year ago and presented him with this question. He agreed with everything presented already. It is not possible for an alcoholic to control their drinking.
I miss alcohol but I also know what the consequences are. I see people suggesting do it for your kids/marriage. But I never liked when other people cared, I knew I had to do it for myself if I wanted to accomplish the things I wanted to in life.
I might miss drinking everyday but everyday of thinking about it turns into once a week and eventually I dont think about drinking at all for a while. There is no such thing as moderation for me...it is either 100mph or 0. I used to wish I could be like my friends who don't need the bottle but I'm not and have accepted it.
I can totally relate to you on some level. Moderation will never work...sorry to ramble.
...Welcome to our SR Alcoholism ForumMember
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
The further away you get from the last drink, the better.....I didn't get this at first now 17 months away from my last drink, I don't think of "moderating" my drinking...I don't think about having a glass of wine...you fill your life with so much more...I tried the moderating..ended up with a dui....and now facing the consequences...life is rough..but it really honestly is what you CHOOSE to make it.....
all the best....
all the best....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
In my own experience.....while i had any vague notions of controlled drinking...i would keep trying.
history and experience shows me that those attempts were deluded and insane.
but i had plenty of experience to look back on....
history and experience shows me that those attempts were deluded and insane.
but i had plenty of experience to look back on....
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by pinkfirefly 
... my goal is to be able to go weeks with out drinking, but still be able to have a glass of wine occasionally with dinner or while watching a good movie or something.
... please don't be judgemental.
... please don't be judgemental.
What you have described makes perfect sense, is very logical and sounds like a reasonable goal.
However; Alcohol-ISM does not make sense, respects no logic and eats reasonable goals for breakfast. Even if you accomplish all of your goals this year, next year will be a whole new ball-game with an opposing team that makes the current players look like gnats.
As far as being judgemental: I will give the benefit of a doubt and admit that you are the smartest person in the history of the human race. That being the case - You still don't stand a chance against alcohol-ISM.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 107
My first 8 days were harder than the next 358 days of my first year. Way to go!
If for some reason the comments you read in response to you posts are causing frustration and maybe even giving you a perceived excuse to go out and drink, even in moderation, please reconsider your approach. There are plenty of people reading this board who are in the same boat as you. You are not alone.
Personally, I first and foremost, looked up to and found strength in my piers, I.e. People who had around the same number of days as me, not in the people who even had just few months more than me (I practically loathed them). Why not try replying to some threads of people who are trying to scrape together a day, 2 days, a week. You seem to be very capable of scraping together over a week of abstinence. This is nothing to scoff at, it is very hard and there are other people who would benefit from your wisdom. Please reach out and help them. As a member with over a year, the memory of those first weeks is beginning to slip away and I am not as much help as someone like you. Newcomers are the ones who are doing the real fighting on this board ...
If for some reason the comments you read in response to you posts are causing frustration and maybe even giving you a perceived excuse to go out and drink, even in moderation, please reconsider your approach. There are plenty of people reading this board who are in the same boat as you. You are not alone.
Personally, I first and foremost, looked up to and found strength in my piers, I.e. People who had around the same number of days as me, not in the people who even had just few months more than me (I practically loathed them). Why not try replying to some threads of people who are trying to scrape together a day, 2 days, a week. You seem to be very capable of scraping together over a week of abstinence. This is nothing to scoff at, it is very hard and there are other people who would benefit from your wisdom. Please reach out and help them. As a member with over a year, the memory of those first weeks is beginning to slip away and I am not as much help as someone like you. Newcomers are the ones who are doing the real fighting on this board ...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Middletown, N.J.
Posts: 53
at 27 i am an alcoholic. i never thought i would ever say that in my life. but i cant just have that one drink. it just wont happen. and the harder i denied it, the greater the consequences i suffered. its only but for the grace of God that im even alive today. my body and mind cant handle alcohol. ive had to come to terms with that many times. i relapsed last night and the heartache of that is overwhelming. i thought to myself that i could just have a few drinks and be normal. i could control it, keep track of it and not go overboard. it was a lie from the pit of hell. and i think all along i knew it, but was hoping i could change it. take it from me, you dont want to try and control this. it is far too powerful. hang in there. i know how you feel.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 456
I won't sit here and say it's impossible. I had limited success.. However, it's ultimately a failure for one simple reason, your thoughts will always revolve around the next time you allow yourself to drink, whether it's in moderation or not, thats the alcoholic brain. Moderate drinkers simply don't think that way.
Can an alcoholic moderate their drinking? Sometimes.
Can an alcoholic control their obsessive thoughts about drinking? Absolutely not.
That's why programs like the sinclair method are just a big fail to me, with all the things going on in our lives, children, jobs, wives, husbands, family ect.. Who REALLY has time to "moderate" their drinking habits.
I'm coming up on 6 months this saturday and it's been smooth sailing for atleast the last 3..
You will NOT succeed until YOU accept that you will NEVER drink again, under any circumstances. Why? Because the obsessive nature of the alcoholic will be counting the days until that time when you allow yourself to drink.
Alcohol doesn't even cross my mind anymore, in fact I feel reborn. I look back at my former self, and frankly ask myself, "What the hell were you thinking?"
Can an alcoholic moderate their drinking? Sometimes.
Can an alcoholic control their obsessive thoughts about drinking? Absolutely not.
That's why programs like the sinclair method are just a big fail to me, with all the things going on in our lives, children, jobs, wives, husbands, family ect.. Who REALLY has time to "moderate" their drinking habits.
I'm coming up on 6 months this saturday and it's been smooth sailing for atleast the last 3..
You will NOT succeed until YOU accept that you will NEVER drink again, under any circumstances. Why? Because the obsessive nature of the alcoholic will be counting the days until that time when you allow yourself to drink.
Alcohol doesn't even cross my mind anymore, in fact I feel reborn. I look back at my former self, and frankly ask myself, "What the hell were you thinking?"
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Pink,
Go back in your very own experience and consider how well you trying to control your drinking has worked in the past.
Do you think your experience with failure at trying to control your drinking would be a good predictor as to how well this will work for you in your future?
Control is mentioned many times in the big book. You may find reading it helpful. Here are some quotes to consider, however, your very own truth, your very own experience should be enough to convince you beyond all belief that you cannot control and enjoy your drinking, no?
This delusion, this inability to see the true from the false, this full flight from reality, your reality, are warning signs that you are planning how to still drink, and that makes no sense in light of your very experience that you have shared with us. This plan of yours makes no sense.
~
More About Alcoholism
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking.
There Is A Solution
Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control.
There Is A Solution
He has lost control.
There Is A Solution
He wished above all things to regain self-control.
More About Alcoholism
We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control.
The Doctor's Opinion
I do not hold with those who believe that alcoholism is entirely a problem of mental control.
The Doctor's Opinion
These men were not drinking to escape; they were drinking to overcome a craving beyond their mental control.
12&12 p.53, Step Four
As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.
More About Alcoholism
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.
More About Alcoholism
All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals -- usually brief -- were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.
12&12 p.23, Step One
By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.
Go back in your very own experience and consider how well you trying to control your drinking has worked in the past.
Do you think your experience with failure at trying to control your drinking would be a good predictor as to how well this will work for you in your future?
Control is mentioned many times in the big book. You may find reading it helpful. Here are some quotes to consider, however, your very own truth, your very own experience should be enough to convince you beyond all belief that you cannot control and enjoy your drinking, no?
This delusion, this inability to see the true from the false, this full flight from reality, your reality, are warning signs that you are planning how to still drink, and that makes no sense in light of your very experience that you have shared with us. This plan of yours makes no sense.
~
More About Alcoholism
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking.
There Is A Solution
Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control.
There Is A Solution
He has lost control.
There Is A Solution
He wished above all things to regain self-control.
More About Alcoholism
We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control.
The Doctor's Opinion
I do not hold with those who believe that alcoholism is entirely a problem of mental control.
The Doctor's Opinion
These men were not drinking to escape; they were drinking to overcome a craving beyond their mental control.
12&12 p.53, Step Four
As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.
More About Alcoholism
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.
More About Alcoholism
All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals -- usually brief -- were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.
12&12 p.23, Step One
By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: WI
Posts: 228
I guess I'd tell ya what I tell all the guys I work with. If you're not sure whether or not you're powerless over alcohol, or not sure that you're an alcoholic, or think you can control your drinking... Then go for it, give it a shot. In my experience that was the only way I was beaten into submission, taken to that place of desperation where I was able to surrender to the idea that I have lost the power of choice in regards to the drink.
In AA I refer to that as the first step, its not an academic exercise where I look back and decide that I am powerless. Its a decision based on practical experience, experience that has proven to me beyond a doubt that I am in fact powerless over alcohol, and in my case beyond human aide.
I wish ya the best, hope you find what you're looking for.
In AA I refer to that as the first step, its not an academic exercise where I look back and decide that I am powerless. Its a decision based on practical experience, experience that has proven to me beyond a doubt that I am in fact powerless over alcohol, and in my case beyond human aide.
I wish ya the best, hope you find what you're looking for.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: richmond,VA
Posts: 189
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
Taken from the Big Book"Alcoholics Anonymous" and has proven true for me and for so many others.
Becky
Taken from the Big Book"Alcoholics Anonymous" and has proven true for me and for so many others.
Becky
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
WOW! There are a lot of people on this board that really have invested time in you Pink!!!! They have real passion for you to be well. What I wouldn't give for people in my life like that. At this point I have a few but this is unreal! I believe that the majority of these posts are coming from a good place. Hope you are doing well today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: SoCal
Posts: 222
Part of what makes it so hard is the denial and the mental gymnastics that we can constantly play to justify continued drinking, despite the countless failures at moderation.
I feel like being able to seriously make that admission relieve me of a great burden (it would still be very hard to attain and maintain sobriety, but that would definitely simply it), too bad there isnt any way to objectively define whether one is an alcoholic or not.
I feel like being able to seriously make that admission relieve me of a great burden (it would still be very hard to attain and maintain sobriety, but that would definitely simply it), too bad there isnt any way to objectively define whether one is an alcoholic or not.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Once again...Pink has started a thread...got many interesting replies and has not returned to read them.
I'm sure we all hope she is doing well....and taking whtever measures necessary to improve her life.....
and will return soon with a thread full of good news.
Time to close this one....thanks for sharing.
I'm sure we all hope she is doing well....and taking whtever measures necessary to improve her life.....
and will return soon with a thread full of good news.
Time to close this one....thanks for sharing.
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