Can I Learn To Control My Drinking?
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
If you could actually control your drinking wouldn't you have done so before hurting everyone around you with your destructive drinking? I am sure you didn't intentionally set out to try and hurt people with your drinking. If you could control it, bad things wouldn't keep happening as a result of drinking.
Whenever I get proud of being sober I remind myself that NOT drinking alcohol is just the way I should have been behaving around alcohol the whole time. I am just doing what I should have been doing long before I actually found the resources to quit.
Whenever I get proud of being sober I remind myself that NOT drinking alcohol is just the way I should have been behaving around alcohol the whole time. I am just doing what I should have been doing long before I actually found the resources to quit.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 362
Pink,
Your alcoholism has taken you down such a path that:
1. it has affected your childrens' lives and your relationship with them
2. it has affected your relationship with your husband
3. it has caused you to join this board
4. you have posted so many times with little to no progress that people here NO LONGER THINK YOU ARE EVEN REAL.
If you are real, maybe this is a sign that you should just not drink. Alcohol is not your friend. If alcoholism was a person and did this to you, would you talk to him or her every once in a while? No. You would be more likely to get a restraining order. We are all rooting for you. Just try not drinking. You have made it through 7 days now; you know you can do it. Please don't pick a drink up again. If I were you I would go to meetings if you can, get counseling, and if you do, or did, relapse, perhaps you could go to rehab for the sake of yourselves and your kids.
Way to go on your seven days...KEEP IT UP!
Your alcoholism has taken you down such a path that:
1. it has affected your childrens' lives and your relationship with them
2. it has affected your relationship with your husband
3. it has caused you to join this board
4. you have posted so many times with little to no progress that people here NO LONGER THINK YOU ARE EVEN REAL.
If you are real, maybe this is a sign that you should just not drink. Alcohol is not your friend. If alcoholism was a person and did this to you, would you talk to him or her every once in a while? No. You would be more likely to get a restraining order. We are all rooting for you. Just try not drinking. You have made it through 7 days now; you know you can do it. Please don't pick a drink up again. If I were you I would go to meetings if you can, get counseling, and if you do, or did, relapse, perhaps you could go to rehab for the sake of yourselves and your kids.
Way to go on your seven days...KEEP IT UP!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
You're stuck in the same deadly rut I was - thinking/wishing you can moderate and be a social drinker. I learned the hard way that it's impossible for me to drink normally but it took me almost two years to finally admit the truth. How long is it going to take you to admit the truth?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
Before I got sober I would go for long periods of modeerate drinking. Then something bad would happen, I would get depressed, etc. and it was back to heavy drinking again. For this alcoholic, moderation just doesn't work.
GG
GG
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 423
My .02 brings me back to my outpatient treatment. Do you know where the seven days comes from? Your brain is now feeling deprived which results in thoughts about drinking again.
I visit here infrequently so I don't know the details of your story but look at my join date. This is a site where people really do care - I can feel that in some of these posts.
But we all know we can't "make" an alcoholic stop drinking; reasoning and common sense alone rarely work and it does take hard work.
Try sobriety for 60 or 90 days and really give your recovery a chance to work. You will be amazed at how much life has to offer!
In other words, don't let your brain fool you now!
Dave
I visit here infrequently so I don't know the details of your story but look at my join date. This is a site where people really do care - I can feel that in some of these posts.
But we all know we can't "make" an alcoholic stop drinking; reasoning and common sense alone rarely work and it does take hard work.
Try sobriety for 60 or 90 days and really give your recovery a chance to work. You will be amazed at how much life has to offer!
In other words, don't let your brain fool you now!
Dave
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Southeast Arizona
Posts: 31
Pink, I am relatively new on the board so don't feel I have as much right to comment as some of the veterans. I was sober for 30 years then went off the rails for a year and a half; I am now two weeks sober again and plan to stay that way.
I have read all the posts on this thread and in my view, you are confusing honesty with judgment and rudeness. I have not read any posts that are anything but honest and I certainly have not seen any that disparage your qualities as a mother.
To answer your original question again, no, if you are an alcoholic, you cannot simply decide you want to be a controlled drinker: it just doesn't work that way. You will always either be escalating or fighting against it. I know because I really wanted to be a social drinker and finally, being honest with myself, realized it was impossible. The best way to manage an addiction is to abstain from the addictive substance.
It is easy to quit drinking. I did it daily over the past year. The hard part is to stay quit. Realize that and you are halfway there.
I have read all the posts on this thread and in my view, you are confusing honesty with judgment and rudeness. I have not read any posts that are anything but honest and I certainly have not seen any that disparage your qualities as a mother.
To answer your original question again, no, if you are an alcoholic, you cannot simply decide you want to be a controlled drinker: it just doesn't work that way. You will always either be escalating or fighting against it. I know because I really wanted to be a social drinker and finally, being honest with myself, realized it was impossible. The best way to manage an addiction is to abstain from the addictive substance.
It is easy to quit drinking. I did it daily over the past year. The hard part is to stay quit. Realize that and you are halfway there.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
Acceptance is key. When I quit fighting it and accepted I could not moderate or control my drinking, I got sober.
I have read your many threads and posts. You keep trying the same thing over and over and repeating the same thing over and over again. You do not hear what you want to hear and interpret at as being rude or a slap in the face. No one is being rude. We have walked where you walked and only want you to live a happy life and find acceptance. To state you are an alcoholic and toying with the idea of moderation is a complete contradiction in terms.
This forum is a forum of recovery. You can come and vent when having a bad day, but it mainly is about giving up alcohol for good. Surely you can understand the reaction to the same behaviors. You have been given good advice. You have asked for help when you were at your lowest and have not followed through on any of it. Re-read the title of your thread. The simple truth is no. If it were true, you would not keep coming back asking the same question. Sorry, Pink, not trying to bring you down, but the truth has revealed itself over and over again. When will you finally accept it? I hope you come to the realization before it is to late.
I have read your many threads and posts. You keep trying the same thing over and over and repeating the same thing over and over again. You do not hear what you want to hear and interpret at as being rude or a slap in the face. No one is being rude. We have walked where you walked and only want you to live a happy life and find acceptance. To state you are an alcoholic and toying with the idea of moderation is a complete contradiction in terms.
This forum is a forum of recovery. You can come and vent when having a bad day, but it mainly is about giving up alcohol for good. Surely you can understand the reaction to the same behaviors. You have been given good advice. You have asked for help when you were at your lowest and have not followed through on any of it. Re-read the title of your thread. The simple truth is no. If it were true, you would not keep coming back asking the same question. Sorry, Pink, not trying to bring you down, but the truth has revealed itself over and over again. When will you finally accept it? I hope you come to the realization before it is to late.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Wait....I'm confused. What was your question Pink? Please don't blame the people here for their opinions. You posted and people answered. We're not robots. You get a diversity of opinions. Personally, I like to look at both sides,weigh them in my mind, and come to my own conclusions.
That's the wonderful part about posting. You get different personalities, experience, and support. I just love this place. I read about all different kinds of struggles and the advice people give. It's a wonderful way to find your own answer.
We all have free will Pink. You have to live your life the best way you know how. If the advice your getting here doesn't help you, than perhaps you need to rethink your support system.. Whatever makes your life better. I wish you the best, in your quest for happiness, and your battle with alcohol.
Congratulations on 7 days!!
That's the wonderful part about posting. You get different personalities, experience, and support. I just love this place. I read about all different kinds of struggles and the advice people give. It's a wonderful way to find your own answer.
We all have free will Pink. You have to live your life the best way you know how. If the advice your getting here doesn't help you, than perhaps you need to rethink your support system.. Whatever makes your life better. I wish you the best, in your quest for happiness, and your battle with alcohol.
Congratulations on 7 days!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 82
Moderating. Tried that so many times. To me, it was always more work than sobriety. The thought of having to constantly think about how much I am drinking, when I will stop, when I can drink again, so on ,so on so on, sounds soooo exhausting, especially if you are admitting you are an alcoholic. Alcoholisim simply does not equal moderation. Its impossible. You have 7 days, you sould be proud!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: richmond,VA
Posts: 189
Pinkfirefly wrote:
please don't be judgemental.
In other words you want people to tell you what you want to hear.which is that, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary,you will be able to controll your drinking and keep on doing it without consequence. I for one refuse to do that. As someone who did more than my fair share of looking for ways to controll my drinking,drink without suffering consequences,I would be remiss in telling you otherwise.
Pink, I see myself a few years ago in your posts. And the ones I thought were being so judgemental,so not understanding,were the ones who saved my life.
they refused to coddle me,and tell me that my chronic relapsing was perfectly fine and dandy. Frankly they couldnt give a damn less whether I got my delicate little feelings hurt or not. I was on a one-way train straight to hell and they refused to stand by and watch.Such is the case of the folks on here who give it to you straight . they are not judging you,they ,and me,have been where you are at. we have seen people continue to drink and make excuses and look for loopholes. we have seen some of them disspear for good. We have seen some of them die.
Pink, the folks who seem to be so harsh to you dont want that for you.But it does get frustrating to see time and time again the same old same old from the same people.Its like talking to a wall.
Pink I dont know what its gonna take for you to realize ,you are never going to be able to drink like a normal drinker.No matter how determined you are,how many different ways you try,you are up against something that is far more powerful than you will ever be. the longer you keep doing what you are doing,the longer it is going to take for you to find real recovery,.I sincerely pray you do before you lose everything,up to and including your life.
And please stop going away for long periods. Keep posting.
Becky
please don't be judgemental.
In other words you want people to tell you what you want to hear.which is that, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary,you will be able to controll your drinking and keep on doing it without consequence. I for one refuse to do that. As someone who did more than my fair share of looking for ways to controll my drinking,drink without suffering consequences,I would be remiss in telling you otherwise.
Pink, I see myself a few years ago in your posts. And the ones I thought were being so judgemental,so not understanding,were the ones who saved my life.
they refused to coddle me,and tell me that my chronic relapsing was perfectly fine and dandy. Frankly they couldnt give a damn less whether I got my delicate little feelings hurt or not. I was on a one-way train straight to hell and they refused to stand by and watch.Such is the case of the folks on here who give it to you straight . they are not judging you,they ,and me,have been where you are at. we have seen people continue to drink and make excuses and look for loopholes. we have seen some of them disspear for good. We have seen some of them die.
Pink, the folks who seem to be so harsh to you dont want that for you.But it does get frustrating to see time and time again the same old same old from the same people.Its like talking to a wall.
Pink I dont know what its gonna take for you to realize ,you are never going to be able to drink like a normal drinker.No matter how determined you are,how many different ways you try,you are up against something that is far more powerful than you will ever be. the longer you keep doing what you are doing,the longer it is going to take for you to find real recovery,.I sincerely pray you do before you lose everything,up to and including your life.
And please stop going away for long periods. Keep posting.
Becky
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: richmond,VA
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by GotSetBack 
Everytime I've tried what your attempting it ended with binge drinking. I'll only drink because its nice outside and I don't have any obligations the next day. Then I'd want to do it again then again then my standards fell and my tolerance increased.
You might try writing down when and how much you drink and setting limits and follow them. Maybe buy one of those hand held breathalyzers and never get over a certian BAC. I don't know.
You might try writing down when and how much you drink and setting limits and follow them. Maybe buy one of those hand held breathalyzers and never get over a certian BAC. I don't know.
If setting limits and sticking to them worked,none of us would need to be here.Just saying
Becky
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Pink, now that you are sober 8 days,go back and read all of your previous postings, from Day 1...read about your drinking during pregnancy, the cough syrup, the drinking when your baby was just home from the hospital, the fear that there was something wrong with him because you drank during your pregnancy, read about your fights with your husband and his frustrations, your driving while drunk and then read your resentments you post at all the suggestions that were made to you in good faith....
you can be as huffy and hurt as you want to us, but tell YOURSELF the truth about what you do...take off your blinders,there were plenty of times you posted that you started drinking in the early afternoon with the kids up and needing care. and try to remember that alcohol will exacerbate your depression....
it's frustrating to me to read your posts, because it is the same thing time after time and your methods haven't changed either...but 8 days sober is a great start...but you've got to dig through the reasons why you WANT to relapse.
you can be as huffy and hurt as you want to us, but tell YOURSELF the truth about what you do...take off your blinders,there were plenty of times you posted that you started drinking in the early afternoon with the kids up and needing care. and try to remember that alcohol will exacerbate your depression....
it's frustrating to me to read your posts, because it is the same thing time after time and your methods haven't changed either...but 8 days sober is a great start...but you've got to dig through the reasons why you WANT to relapse.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Pink...
once again...I suggest you get back to your doctor and counselor about your on going depression
and
Prayers continue for you ..your precious babies and your husband.
I so hope this will be the beginning of a better sober life for the 4 of you....
once again...I suggest you get back to your doctor and counselor about your on going depression
and
Prayers continue for you ..your precious babies and your husband.
I so hope this will be the beginning of a better sober life for the 4 of you....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Pink,
I would advise against trying to control your drinking. For one thing, it will take about two months for your tolerance to drop to normal levels, but even if it does, it can very easily shoot back up again.
The easiest and simplest way to avoid any further problems caused by drinking is to quit for good.
You mentioned depression, which alcohol exasperates and deepens. Just quitting will, over time, very likely help your depression. I would, however advise seeking proper guidance for any other problems, including depression, from someone who is properly trained and qualified.
The Internet is NOT a good place to get advice on such matters.
I would advise against trying to control your drinking. For one thing, it will take about two months for your tolerance to drop to normal levels, but even if it does, it can very easily shoot back up again.
The easiest and simplest way to avoid any further problems caused by drinking is to quit for good.
You mentioned depression, which alcohol exasperates and deepens. Just quitting will, over time, very likely help your depression. I would, however advise seeking proper guidance for any other problems, including depression, from someone who is properly trained and qualified.
The Internet is NOT a good place to get advice on such matters.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
So many thoughts and so many things I could say while reading this thread. But I will just say.... I am praying for you Pink that someday you will comes to grips with this illness and get the help you need.
It is hard to see someone continue on a path that we know where it will end. And we have suggestions and solutions that can allow you to live a full, healthy, HAPPY life. We just wish you would listen. But unfortunately, we can not do this for you. I pray you take our advice someday.
Pink, you are no different than any of us here. We have all been where you are and know how you feel. Us alcoholics are loving, caring people who only want a good life for you and we all know that if you would just listen to some of the advice given, you would be happy, joyous, and free.... just like so many of us are. We are all here, banging on the door. Just hoping someday you give us a chance to come in.
It is hard to see someone continue on a path that we know where it will end. And we have suggestions and solutions that can allow you to live a full, healthy, HAPPY life. We just wish you would listen. But unfortunately, we can not do this for you. I pray you take our advice someday.
Pink, you are no different than any of us here. We have all been where you are and know how you feel. Us alcoholics are loving, caring people who only want a good life for you and we all know that if you would just listen to some of the advice given, you would be happy, joyous, and free.... just like so many of us are. We are all here, banging on the door. Just hoping someday you give us a chance to come in.
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
If I could take a pill and I could go back to drinking in the good old days, I probably would do it at this point, but I can't and there isn't a pill and I've accepted that and I'm happy with that. Sobriety is not that bad if you are willing to give it a chance, in fact it can be pretty damn good.
I spent all last summer trying to moderate, play the game, and deny my alcoholism. It was an endless roller coaster of, "I think I've got it this time" to "Oh, Damn, I can't believe it happened again" I was so tired of that endless cycle and running on the hamster wheel that I finally surrendered and I'm so happy I did.
Do I miss alcohol?? Hell Yeah
Do I miss drugs ?? Hell Yeah
Do I miss that buzz?? Hell yeah
Do I miss the rush of buying and scoring?? Hell Yeah
Do I miss the heartache, misery, pain, countless disappointments, blackouts, and other crap?? Hell NOOOOOOO
It's just not worth it to me, one day you will get there............and once you get there, that's when the real work begins, hope you change your mind, and hope you don't die in the mean time, because alcoholism is a killer, it's not something you play with
I spent all last summer trying to moderate, play the game, and deny my alcoholism. It was an endless roller coaster of, "I think I've got it this time" to "Oh, Damn, I can't believe it happened again" I was so tired of that endless cycle and running on the hamster wheel that I finally surrendered and I'm so happy I did.
Do I miss alcohol?? Hell Yeah
Do I miss drugs ?? Hell Yeah
Do I miss that buzz?? Hell yeah
Do I miss the rush of buying and scoring?? Hell Yeah
Do I miss the heartache, misery, pain, countless disappointments, blackouts, and other crap?? Hell NOOOOOOO
It's just not worth it to me, one day you will get there............and once you get there, that's when the real work begins, hope you change your mind, and hope you don't die in the mean time, because alcoholism is a killer, it's not something you play with
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