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have you mended friendships after quitting drinking?



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have you mended friendships after quitting drinking?

Old 06-19-2011, 11:53 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I'm not trying to be a jerk, but most of your guys answers to every problem is AA. Not everyone likes AA. Why can't people on this board talk like normal people and talk? "Hey is water good for you?" Go to AA, they will tell you. Sorry if I offend anyone.
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Old 06-19-2011, 03:20 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Exodus--I missed something (which sadly isn't unusual for me!)---AA is mentioned maybe just once in the responses? I'm thinking folks are just stating what has worked for them. I don't think they think it's the end all answer to everything!
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Old 06-19-2011, 03:50 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by exodus3122 View Post
I'm not trying to be a jerk, but most of your guys answers to every problem is AA. Not everyone likes AA. Why can't people on this board talk like normal people and talk? "Hey is water good for you?" Go to AA, they will tell you. Sorry if I offend anyone.
Most friendships are formed through common experiences, I'm not in AA but I can relate to almost everyone on this board. Also what is "normal"?
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Old 06-19-2011, 04:03 PM
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I often find myself getting angry at a friend I've had my whole life, and his reluctance the last few years years to accept my invitations, invite me to events, etc. I was thinking last night about how much I have improved as a person and a friend in the last two and a half years, to the point of thinking "How dare he not want to hang out with me!" Then, of course, I find myself thinking, "Well if I did THIS or THAT, maybe that would prove I am worth hanging out with again".

I have come to the conclusion, though, that I don't want to hang out with anyone who isn't excited about hanging out with me. I don't want anyone to begrudgingly spend time with me. I'm not going to try to change anyone's mind. If they don't like me for the person I am, screw em.

I think the fact that I quit drinking has a lot to do with the aforementioned friendship deteriorating, since I think some of my friends relied on me to be THAT GUY, the one they can compare themselves to and say, "Well, at least I'm not doing what HE is doing".

There are a lot of good observations in this friend regarding friendships. It is comforting to know that friendships frequently come and go throughout life, and that it's not a complete failure to lose touch with people.
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Old 06-21-2011, 11:53 AM
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billsaintjames, when you said that you found yourself thinking what you could do to be worth hanging out with again, i could totally relate. i came back from rehab a few months ago and it seemed like everyone that i used to know wanted nothing to do with me anymore. so it makes me think, why would i even want to be around that anyway? your mindset is encouraging.
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Old 06-21-2011, 12:36 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I know this is an older thread, but...

How can we possible know what is going on in the heads of other people?

Especially when we're newly sober.

Especially when we've caused harm in others.

Probably a good idea to stick to working on ourselves for a bit and hanging around those who are like minded.

Kjell~
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Old 06-21-2011, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Adisa1101 View Post
billsaintjames, when you said that you found yourself thinking what you could do to be worth hanging out with again, i could totally relate. i came back from rehab a few months ago and it seemed like everyone that i used to know wanted nothing to do with me anymore. so it makes me think, why would i even want to be around that anyway? your mindset is encouraging.
Yea, I am done scheming and brainstorming, trying to think of ways to prove "I've changed" or "I'm all better" to individuals. I know that I have grown and matured substantially as a person over the last few years, and I don't need anyone other than myself to validate that. Life is just so much simpler and enjoyable when I'm not trying to impress people.
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Old 06-22-2011, 09:14 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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yeah, I guess the back and forth in my head has to do more with her personality than anything else.

She has always been one to love someone one day, then hate them the next. After she and her husband moved here last year, she realized that we as a group are not like that.

She has been nothing but wonderful to me up to this point.

I truly don't think I've done anything to harm her through my drinking. I've always been one to call people up the next day and be like " oh my goodness! I'm so sorry"..and people ALWAYS say " what are you sorry for? you were a blast" or the occasional " man, yeah, you were REALLY drunk, but don't worry, you didn't cause any problems".....which is probably one of the reasons I continued drinking as long as I did, even though it was wreaking havoc in MY life, and causing problems for ME. however, that's off topic.

I think at this point, I'm going to chalk it up to her personality, and her need for drama. However, where 6 months ago, I would have gone and met them for drinks tonight, and everything would have been lah lah lah, tonight I will stay home, and we will eventually have to have a sober conversation about this ( it's not as easy to just say screw it, as like I said, she is part of a group of friends that is extremely close and have been for 20 some years). So....another aspect of sobriety, actually dealing with conflict when it comes up, and not just buying someone a beer and cheerings them while I say a quick sorry and how much I love them.
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