The ability to cheat makes it hard to stay sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 16
The ability to cheat makes it hard to stay sober
Here's a quick rundown of my situation: I grew up drinking with buddies in a rural/suburban city, so when we had nothing to do, we would grab a 30 pack on a Saturday night and have a party.
By the time I was in college I would be classified as a binge drinker, two three nights a week, we all were. After graduation I took a job in Chicago as a bartender, and, to be honest I don't know how it progressed, but 3-4 months in I was drinking every night. Then I'd wake up, be heading to work and have a shot, drink 5 shots while bartending, drink out of a little flask on the ride home (public L trains, not driving). I'd get home, make some food and put on a movie, then drink til I passed out. The hours were 15 hour days after transportation, so I was basically buzzed or drunk all day.
Days off, nothing to do, might as well drink. Go to the beach with friends, everyone had a flask of some kind. If you know service industry, everyone goes out on like Tuesdays, and most are heavy drinkers. So between the environment, the accessibility (I never paid for a bottle, or rarely did), one would seem that it be difficult.
So after a year in Chicago and probably 5 months drinking like this, I move back home to get out the situation. My sister gets married, my brother got married, bachelor parties, week long celebrations, the Packers also won the SuperBowl...it was non stop for about 8 months total of where I drank nearly everyday.
So, one day I wake up and I wasn't feeling well. Bam, I not blitzed by Alcohol Withdrawal, you name it besides a seizure or the DTs, I got it. Hallucinations in the broad daylight, headache, fever, fatigue, insomnia, anxiety, nightmares, confusion, shakes, crazy high heart rates. All of it.
Scared me ******** I mean I had drank before, woke up and not drank for 18 hours and this never happened, so I stopped drinking for a month. Then I went out with some buddies and drank, and it was back to the same old. On came the withdrawals after drinking for 5 days. So I talk to my uncle who's a doctor and he gives me two benzos, lorazapam (Atvian) for use during the day because its short working, diazapam (Valium) to sleep, and supplements. Tells me to drink a bunch of water and they'd be gone quick. Sets me up a dosage schedule for the benzos. The first time it took a week, this time I was ok in a day or two.
Problem is, if I ever want to go out, (he gave me all the samples that doctors get rather than write a prescription, long story short I have like 200 Atvian and 100 Valium), or I have a binge, because I have this "back up plan" if you will, it makes it hard to pass up a baseball game, a trip to the beach, or the bar and just not drink. I've went a month, 14 days, and a week, so I counted this is my 6th withdrawal bout.
By the time I was in college I would be classified as a binge drinker, two three nights a week, we all were. After graduation I took a job in Chicago as a bartender, and, to be honest I don't know how it progressed, but 3-4 months in I was drinking every night. Then I'd wake up, be heading to work and have a shot, drink 5 shots while bartending, drink out of a little flask on the ride home (public L trains, not driving). I'd get home, make some food and put on a movie, then drink til I passed out. The hours were 15 hour days after transportation, so I was basically buzzed or drunk all day.
Days off, nothing to do, might as well drink. Go to the beach with friends, everyone had a flask of some kind. If you know service industry, everyone goes out on like Tuesdays, and most are heavy drinkers. So between the environment, the accessibility (I never paid for a bottle, or rarely did), one would seem that it be difficult.
So after a year in Chicago and probably 5 months drinking like this, I move back home to get out the situation. My sister gets married, my brother got married, bachelor parties, week long celebrations, the Packers also won the SuperBowl...it was non stop for about 8 months total of where I drank nearly everyday.
So, one day I wake up and I wasn't feeling well. Bam, I not blitzed by Alcohol Withdrawal, you name it besides a seizure or the DTs, I got it. Hallucinations in the broad daylight, headache, fever, fatigue, insomnia, anxiety, nightmares, confusion, shakes, crazy high heart rates. All of it.
Scared me ******** I mean I had drank before, woke up and not drank for 18 hours and this never happened, so I stopped drinking for a month. Then I went out with some buddies and drank, and it was back to the same old. On came the withdrawals after drinking for 5 days. So I talk to my uncle who's a doctor and he gives me two benzos, lorazapam (Atvian) for use during the day because its short working, diazapam (Valium) to sleep, and supplements. Tells me to drink a bunch of water and they'd be gone quick. Sets me up a dosage schedule for the benzos. The first time it took a week, this time I was ok in a day or two.
Problem is, if I ever want to go out, (he gave me all the samples that doctors get rather than write a prescription, long story short I have like 200 Atvian and 100 Valium), or I have a binge, because I have this "back up plan" if you will, it makes it hard to pass up a baseball game, a trip to the beach, or the bar and just not drink. I've went a month, 14 days, and a week, so I counted this is my 6th withdrawal bout.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Hi, Midwest Gem, Glad you're here.
In many people's experience, there had to be a total lifestyle change- new friends, new activities, new places to "hang out"... and there are those who have even had to relocate to get away from places and situations that were too much to handle newly sober.
This has not been my personal experience. I'm in the music business full-time, and it is my calling in life; There's nothing else I want to do, and when my alcoholism became apparent, for several years it was just two worlds that shouldn't collide in public; I did really well about that, but didn't see an end to it.
Then- I met the most amazing player at a big festival we were both taking part in: 25 years sobriety, living the life- playing in clubs, the whole 9 yards. I realized if he could do it, maybe he could help me, and the rest is history.
I have just as much fun as the "drinking world"... but through the 12 steps, the desire to drink has been lifted from me. It doesn't bother me at all to be around it because I had to.
Anyway, your mileage may vary, of course, just sharing my experience. I do know that the most important thing was to choose a program of action and ACT- instead of worrying about things down the road.
Best, s
In many people's experience, there had to be a total lifestyle change- new friends, new activities, new places to "hang out"... and there are those who have even had to relocate to get away from places and situations that were too much to handle newly sober.
This has not been my personal experience. I'm in the music business full-time, and it is my calling in life; There's nothing else I want to do, and when my alcoholism became apparent, for several years it was just two worlds that shouldn't collide in public; I did really well about that, but didn't see an end to it.
Then- I met the most amazing player at a big festival we were both taking part in: 25 years sobriety, living the life- playing in clubs, the whole 9 yards. I realized if he could do it, maybe he could help me, and the rest is history.
I have just as much fun as the "drinking world"... but through the 12 steps, the desire to drink has been lifted from me. It doesn't bother me at all to be around it because I had to.
Anyway, your mileage may vary, of course, just sharing my experience. I do know that the most important thing was to choose a program of action and ACT- instead of worrying about things down the road.
Best, s
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Hi Midwest . I am day 24 so I am no expert. You did not say what your take is on your situation and what your plans are. IMO your uncle may have done you a disservice unless he is still supervising what you are doing with all those the pills. Some of my music heroes died taking a mixture of pills and alcohol and I can't say I haven't done it myself, sometimes even with good intentions !!! I know he was only trying to help .........but
Take care and keep posting
Take care and keep posting
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
I agree your uncle might not be giving you the best of help.
If you keep drinking,and taking pills also. You might wind up hooked on both.
Quitting is not easy. It takes a lot of commitment,and you have to really want it bad.
Have you looked into an AA group in your neighborhood? This is difficult to do alone.
Fred
If you keep drinking,and taking pills also. You might wind up hooked on both.
Quitting is not easy. It takes a lot of commitment,and you have to really want it bad.
Have you looked into an AA group in your neighborhood? This is difficult to do alone.
Fred
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
There is always, ALWAYS temptation out there for all sorts of things. Married couples face temptation all the time to cheat, but those who do it can't really blame it on the temptation. Same with drinking. Drinking alcohol is legal. It's everywhere. We know that when we make the decision to stop.
That's why the decision to stop has to be for ourselves, not for anyone else. Not to prove anything to anyone else. There are always opportunities to cheat, but if we do, we're only cheating ourselves. It doesn't matter if anyone else knows. We know.
If you truly want to stop drinking, then find a recovery program and do whatever it takes to stop. There are always going to be opportunities to drink, but it's up to you to take recovery seriously.
That's why the decision to stop has to be for ourselves, not for anyone else. Not to prove anything to anyone else. There are always opportunities to cheat, but if we do, we're only cheating ourselves. It doesn't matter if anyone else knows. We know.
If you truly want to stop drinking, then find a recovery program and do whatever it takes to stop. There are always going to be opportunities to drink, but it's up to you to take recovery seriously.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Jim....
...Welcome
You certainly are harming yourself mentally and physically with your cycle of drinking-de toxing-useing drugs--sober..drinking...etc etc
those pills are highly addictive.....so you can become dependent quickly thus adding to your alcohol addiction.
what goals did you have that you are not doing? You can find a healthier sober future without drugs and alcohol. you are only cheating yourself.
There are many of us here winning over addictions...I use AA for my recovery...others do a variety of methods.
all take work and committment so find something that will give you an interesting new life....
...Welcome You certainly are harming yourself mentally and physically with your cycle of drinking-de toxing-useing drugs--sober..drinking...etc etc
those pills are highly addictive.....so you can become dependent quickly thus adding to your alcohol addiction.
what goals did you have that you are not doing? You can find a healthier sober future without drugs and alcohol. you are only cheating yourself.
There are many of us here winning over addictions...I use AA for my recovery...others do a variety of methods.
all take work and committment so find something that will give you an interesting new life....
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Anna...Uncle doctor did so illegally. ...and he knows that...ergo samples rather than a short term script.
Or.....perhaps it did not happen that way? Or maybe Uncle is not really a doctor? Or an addict himself?
any way you cut it...it's dangerous to use addictive drugs........mixing those with alcohol can be deadly.
Or.....perhaps it did not happen that way? Or maybe Uncle is not really a doctor? Or an addict himself?
any way you cut it...it's dangerous to use addictive drugs....
....mixing those with alcohol can be deadly.
Last edited by CarolD; 06-07-2011 at 07:52 AM.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
MidWestGem,
I shudder as I read your post. Mixing alcohol with benzos is a good way to end up dead. It is also a good way to end up hooked on another drug in addition to alcohol. Your uncle may have meant well, but his kindness could end up killing you. Do you want to stop drinking? Are you done yet? Or are you just looking for a way to ease withdrawals?
Susan
I shudder as I read your post. Mixing alcohol with benzos is a good way to end up dead. It is also a good way to end up hooked on another drug in addition to alcohol. Your uncle may have meant well, but his kindness could end up killing you. Do you want to stop drinking? Are you done yet? Or are you just looking for a way to ease withdrawals?
Susan
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
this is what happend to me. i was drinking so much that pretty much anytime i didn't have a half a gallon of jack in my hands, i'd go into seizures and the whole withdrawal mess. then i started dr. shopping, getting benzo for the withdrawal, and then i got hooked on those.
by my end, i was mixing the 2 and it was almost deadly. i ended up having to white knuckle a detox WITHOUT any meds at all, and that was pure hell. it was a detox that took a whole month and there were days i couldn't even get out of bed. i had seizures, hallucinations, dropped a s#it load of weight, the whole shabang. if i had not been in such good physical shape(i was a pretty good athlete back in the day) i believe it would have taken my life. my blood pressure was stroke level for days and at one point, i started to lose my vision as a result.
so i caution you....this is not something to mess with. it's easy to get addicted to benzos and that back plan can ruin your life. the best thing you can do for yourself is to toss those benzos after your detox and run to an AA meeting or get some addiction counseling.
what i went through i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. good luck.
by my end, i was mixing the 2 and it was almost deadly. i ended up having to white knuckle a detox WITHOUT any meds at all, and that was pure hell. it was a detox that took a whole month and there were days i couldn't even get out of bed. i had seizures, hallucinations, dropped a s#it load of weight, the whole shabang. if i had not been in such good physical shape(i was a pretty good athlete back in the day) i believe it would have taken my life. my blood pressure was stroke level for days and at one point, i started to lose my vision as a result.
so i caution you....this is not something to mess with. it's easy to get addicted to benzos and that back plan can ruin your life. the best thing you can do for yourself is to toss those benzos after your detox and run to an AA meeting or get some addiction counseling.
what i went through i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. good luck.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Benzos are a bandage. The real problem is you are in the habit of abusing alcohol for what reasons you need to find out. You are an alcoholic and it will ultimately kill you if you don't start doing some self discovery and get support. Not drugs, real support. This may have started out as fun but as we know alcoholism is progressive so you have progressed to a level that is life threatening. I hope you seek help for the problems you have. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 16
Ok, to clarify a couple things, my Uncle is a practicing pediatrician, when I went through that first withdrawal it took a week to recover. Like I said, I was scared ******** and so I quit for at or over a month.
Recovery# 1: My hallucinations were over in a day, in three days the fever and chills left, my sleep patterns returned to normal in 2 weeks as well as the hand tremors, but I had insomnia for two days, and a really high heart rate. I had night sweats that probably stopped at 3 weeks, and then I was back to normal with the occasional headache.
I went on a healthy diet and I worked out almost every day. Dropped some weight and I was in great shape. I admit it sucked staying in and missing out on social stuff, but I did it.
In this month or so, I have never "craved" alcohol.
My point is I thought it was a really bad sickness or something. Then I went out with my buddies on thur, fri, sat, and sunday, we were drinking all day (If you are familiar this event is called the Mifflin Street Block Party in Madison, WI). As the alcohol wore off monday morning, BAM these sysmptoms came back.
Recovery #2: I called my Uncle, and since I don't have insurance, set me up with a detoxification program. He basically explained that those months of abuse had made me dependent, and because alcohol basically releases a bunch of brain activity yet slows down (depressant) your central nervous system. When you become dependent, if you stop alcohol completely, your body, which had been used to this slowed-down effect plus increased brain activity, tries to return to normal. Basically your heart rate sky rockets, causing physical effects like sweating and fever (or more seriously seizure), but also your brain is on haywire so you are at risk for DTs. Anyway, I did my best to take it all in, no one use that as a guide or anything haha.
Benzodiazpines mimic what alcohol does by slowing down your central nervous system. He told me I'd still have night sweats and all that, but less of the neurological symptoms. He gave me supplements and told me to drink "at least 15 glasses" of water a day, plus a thiamine pill, all to help the phiysical symptoms. He gave me all his samples of Atvian and Valium and then gave me a dosing chart, and I was on my way. He made it very clear of the addictive effects of benzos and said lorazapam especially, so I basically just took them as needed not on a schedule of 2MG/4 to 6 hours.
My withdrawal was over in 1 or 2 days, I took 14 days off alcohol, and went out last weekend (Sat and Sun), and the symptoms are back.
Recovery 3: Last drink was 11 PM sunday, I woke up and by this point I know the signs, I took one MG of lorazapam at 11PM, one at 6 PM, then a valium at 2AM to sleep. I woke up feeling good, little blurred vision, had breakfast, worked out, just drank my 8th glass of water and took my multivitamin and thiamine pill.
With all that being said, YES I understand that this back and forth is dumb, YES I understand the dangers of benzos, NO I have never drank and taken a benzo, I'm not a fool.
Bascially, I enjoy social drinking, but did I ruin my bodys brain chemistry by basically binging for that 6 month straight, and now I need to allow it to heal if I ever want to touch alcohol again? Or do I have to just walk away from it, because the damage is done? Because obviously a month and two weeks off of alcohol didn't correct much of anything. I need to do some research and then talk to my doctor as well.
Thank you every for your responses btw.
Recovery# 1: My hallucinations were over in a day, in three days the fever and chills left, my sleep patterns returned to normal in 2 weeks as well as the hand tremors, but I had insomnia for two days, and a really high heart rate. I had night sweats that probably stopped at 3 weeks, and then I was back to normal with the occasional headache.
I went on a healthy diet and I worked out almost every day. Dropped some weight and I was in great shape. I admit it sucked staying in and missing out on social stuff, but I did it.
In this month or so, I have never "craved" alcohol.
My point is I thought it was a really bad sickness or something. Then I went out with my buddies on thur, fri, sat, and sunday, we were drinking all day (If you are familiar this event is called the Mifflin Street Block Party in Madison, WI). As the alcohol wore off monday morning, BAM these sysmptoms came back.
Recovery #2: I called my Uncle, and since I don't have insurance, set me up with a detoxification program. He basically explained that those months of abuse had made me dependent, and because alcohol basically releases a bunch of brain activity yet slows down (depressant) your central nervous system. When you become dependent, if you stop alcohol completely, your body, which had been used to this slowed-down effect plus increased brain activity, tries to return to normal. Basically your heart rate sky rockets, causing physical effects like sweating and fever (or more seriously seizure), but also your brain is on haywire so you are at risk for DTs. Anyway, I did my best to take it all in, no one use that as a guide or anything haha.
Benzodiazpines mimic what alcohol does by slowing down your central nervous system. He told me I'd still have night sweats and all that, but less of the neurological symptoms. He gave me supplements and told me to drink "at least 15 glasses" of water a day, plus a thiamine pill, all to help the phiysical symptoms. He gave me all his samples of Atvian and Valium and then gave me a dosing chart, and I was on my way. He made it very clear of the addictive effects of benzos and said lorazapam especially, so I basically just took them as needed not on a schedule of 2MG/4 to 6 hours.
My withdrawal was over in 1 or 2 days, I took 14 days off alcohol, and went out last weekend (Sat and Sun), and the symptoms are back.
Recovery 3: Last drink was 11 PM sunday, I woke up and by this point I know the signs, I took one MG of lorazapam at 11PM, one at 6 PM, then a valium at 2AM to sleep. I woke up feeling good, little blurred vision, had breakfast, worked out, just drank my 8th glass of water and took my multivitamin and thiamine pill.
With all that being said, YES I understand that this back and forth is dumb, YES I understand the dangers of benzos, NO I have never drank and taken a benzo, I'm not a fool.
Bascially, I enjoy social drinking, but did I ruin my bodys brain chemistry by basically binging for that 6 month straight, and now I need to allow it to heal if I ever want to touch alcohol again? Or do I have to just walk away from it, because the damage is done? Because obviously a month and two weeks off of alcohol didn't correct much of anything. I need to do some research and then talk to my doctor as well.
Thank you every for your responses btw.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
Originally Posted by MidwestGem 
Bascially, I enjoy social drinking, but did I ruin my bodys brain chemistry by basically binging for that 6 month straight, and now I need to allow it to heal if I ever want to touch alcohol again? Or do I have to just walk away from it, because the damage is done? Because obviously a month and two weeks off of alcohol didn't correct much of anything. I need to do some research and then talk to my doctor as well.
Thank you every for your responses btw.
As for enjoying social drinking -- sure, i did too. Um, did i ever really socially drink? I like to tell myself i did. I didn't drink everyday, but i never just had a drink or two. I can reflect back and see that when i was not drinking everyday, it was social occasions i looked forward to for drinking. And yes, it could be fun. But those days were gone for me. I was like you -- drinking daily. And when i would try to take breaks and try to go back to weekend drinking or some such thing, it always led me to one place. Back to daily drinking.
And guess what? That daily drinking always progressed. I can't go back. Not to what i thought was social drinking. Not to drinking. I know this. I have accepted it. And its okay, because i never want to go back to where i was at the end.
Good luck to you!
Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 30
Careful with those benzodiazepines. They are very similar in action to alcohol, and if you get hooked on them, you will actually become more hooked on alcohol.
From someone who was also a daily all day drinker (and not beer!) who tried the benzo game...
From someone who was also a daily all day drinker (and not beer!) who tried the benzo game...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Bascially, I enjoy social drinking, but did I ruin my bodys brain chemistry by basically binging for that 6 month straight, and now I need to allow it to heal if I ever want to touch alcohol again? Or do I have to just walk away from it, because the damage is done? Because obviously a month and two weeks off of alcohol didn't correct much of anything. I need to do some research and then talk to my doctor as well.
I found once the damage was done there was no going back. It was just going to get worse each time even after alot of time off. I waited almost 5 months and wasn't drinking close to as heavy as I did in the past and the detox was 2-3 times worse. I looked at it as a blessing in disquise, because I really couldn't drink anymore without the terrible detox, so I ruined my ability to drink the way I liked to, and it was just another reason to quit for good..forever.
I found once the damage was done there was no going back. It was just going to get worse each time even after alot of time off. I waited almost 5 months and wasn't drinking close to as heavy as I did in the past and the detox was 2-3 times worse. I looked at it as a blessing in disquise, because I really couldn't drink anymore without the terrible detox, so I ruined my ability to drink the way I liked to, and it was just another reason to quit for good..forever.
Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Supercrew
I found once the damage was done there was no going back. It was just going to get worse each time even after alot of time off. I waited almost 5 months and wasn't drinking close to as heavy as I did in the past and the detox was 2-3 times worse. I looked at it as a blessing in disquise, because I really couldn't drink anymore without the terrible detox, so I ruined my ability to drink the way I liked to, and it was just another reason to quit for good..forever.
Even simple hangovers, not sprees, would take days to recover from.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 16
And I'm wondering, basically to stop any symptoms of this withdrawal I have taken 1 MG of Atvian two times (daytime yesterday), and one Valium (at bed time), and I feel fine, yet its 6pm. Going to play softball right now for my league, I told my brother about this and thought I'd be out for a week, but I feel pretty good.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
My problem wasn't the one day drinking episode, but when I was drinking one day, I eventually found my way back to a 3 or 4 day bender. If I'm drinking it will happen again and again. It's just the way I drank.
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