thinking about redefining happiness
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 38
thinking about redefining happiness
ten days sober for me. I wasn't counting until this morning, I think I am too rebellious to count, but when I did so on my fingers (like a small child) I was so damn proud of myself. This is a peronal best and the ONLY time I have been able to do it living all on my own.
I have to say it makes me so happy to think that I CAN make a choice and I am finally making it not to drink. I am obviously not happy all the time, certainly not happy that my husband and children are not living with me right now, but when I am alone I can live with myself which is something I thought I could never do. The funniest thing about this journey is that once I made my mind up it wasn't that difficult. Sure I have thought, yes I can go and get a drink whenever I want and I can. But I haven't because I have thought the whole scenario through. If I were to do it once I would have to do it the next day, and so on, and I don't want to be back at the start again.
I do realise that tough times may be ahead for me but at the moment I am so happy, not extatically, but just at a low-lying comfort level.
In just a short time I have taken a situation of attempting (and failing) to survivie without drinking to living and I love it. I know I am lucky so far, without any physical cravings or withdrawl (which judging by the amount and frequency I drank I should have had).
The other amazing thing is, although my husband is cautious, he knows I have turned a corner. I can feel that he wants to be with me again. And after years of resenting him for battling against my drinking I really want to be with him, to love him, not just to posess him. Weird!
Out of the woods? By no means. But I feel the promise of what life has to offer and I love it. I really did not believe all those happy sober people out there but I am determined that I will be one too!
I have to say it makes me so happy to think that I CAN make a choice and I am finally making it not to drink. I am obviously not happy all the time, certainly not happy that my husband and children are not living with me right now, but when I am alone I can live with myself which is something I thought I could never do. The funniest thing about this journey is that once I made my mind up it wasn't that difficult. Sure I have thought, yes I can go and get a drink whenever I want and I can. But I haven't because I have thought the whole scenario through. If I were to do it once I would have to do it the next day, and so on, and I don't want to be back at the start again.
I do realise that tough times may be ahead for me but at the moment I am so happy, not extatically, but just at a low-lying comfort level.
In just a short time I have taken a situation of attempting (and failing) to survivie without drinking to living and I love it. I know I am lucky so far, without any physical cravings or withdrawl (which judging by the amount and frequency I drank I should have had).
The other amazing thing is, although my husband is cautious, he knows I have turned a corner. I can feel that he wants to be with me again. And after years of resenting him for battling against my drinking I really want to be with him, to love him, not just to posess him. Weird!
Out of the woods? By no means. But I feel the promise of what life has to offer and I love it. I really did not believe all those happy sober people out there but I am determined that I will be one too!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Whistler, British Columbia
Posts: 222
Great post Hibou
It sounds like you are learning the importance of what it like to be complete and honest with yourself.
Truth brings freedom to live and not something that is a day to day struggle. But instead, a series of endless ecstatic experiences in the very moment.
It sounds like you are learning the importance of what it like to be complete and honest with yourself.
Truth brings freedom to live and not something that is a day to day struggle. But instead, a series of endless ecstatic experiences in the very moment.
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