Slips, Trips and Blips
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Slips, Trips and Blips
So I've been doing pretty good for 18 months now but there have admittedly been some relapses. None too major, a few here, a six pack there. Some might even call it normal but I know it is not. It is far from normal when I let my guard down and decide to have "a few". The mental obsession immediately comes back and before long I am having two or three day stints of 6 or more. I know if I continue I will be back to the 12 to 18 I was doing daily.
The most telling part of how fragile I have become though is the morning after. I used to bounce right back, feel almost nothing, plow through a busy day and do it all over again. That is no longer the case. Several times now even after only a six pack I have awakened to a headache that brings on nausea. A few times I have vomited and this never happened to me before. I got snowed in during the winter and was stuck for a night after a business road trip. Bored and with a store close by I downed 9 heavy beers. I had to stop on the interstate and hurl on the shoulder while people whizzed by me.
Most recently was last week. I am third in line at my job and the two top people had out of town engagements so I was running the place. I had to make a few quick trips to the bathroom luckily going unnoticed but I did have to hold one to make it there. Despite this major risk to my own security I still continued down the path once again. The last few days I had a kidney stone, I don't know if the drinking caused it but it left me sore and I can't be sure but it still aches and drinking just might be the reason.
Even so, I remain proud of how far I have come. My relapses could have been worse and I am sober again now with a new outlook on what it is going to take. My body is telling me loud and clear that I can go no further or risk life changing problems.
Tomorrow starts another sober day, one day at a time.
The most telling part of how fragile I have become though is the morning after. I used to bounce right back, feel almost nothing, plow through a busy day and do it all over again. That is no longer the case. Several times now even after only a six pack I have awakened to a headache that brings on nausea. A few times I have vomited and this never happened to me before. I got snowed in during the winter and was stuck for a night after a business road trip. Bored and with a store close by I downed 9 heavy beers. I had to stop on the interstate and hurl on the shoulder while people whizzed by me.
Most recently was last week. I am third in line at my job and the two top people had out of town engagements so I was running the place. I had to make a few quick trips to the bathroom luckily going unnoticed but I did have to hold one to make it there. Despite this major risk to my own security I still continued down the path once again. The last few days I had a kidney stone, I don't know if the drinking caused it but it left me sore and I can't be sure but it still aches and drinking just might be the reason.
Even so, I remain proud of how far I have come. My relapses could have been worse and I am sober again now with a new outlook on what it is going to take. My body is telling me loud and clear that I can go no further or risk life changing problems.
Tomorrow starts another sober day, one day at a time.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I wish you well Sudz. I hope that drinking continues to not work well for you..that was the turning point for me..well..one of many. Next time your alcoholic voice tells you it is time to pick up again...remember this.
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
I'm not really changing anything, just continuing to move in the direction I want to go. Remind myself every time my mind wanders how much I hate the feeling. It does work as I used this reminder for the last 18 months, I just got lazy and stupid. The usual stinkin thinkin, how I could handle just a few now after all these months. I need to just keep reminding myself, no more, never. I just can't. No need to bother fussing over it and I mostly don't. It is those casual moments where I need to recognize and steer clear of.
I am back on the right track, I just can't let my guard down anymore.
I am back on the right track, I just can't let my guard down anymore.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Sudz No More 
Even so, I remain proud of how far I have come. My relapses could have been worse and I am sober again now with a new outlook on what it is going to take. My body is telling me loud and clear that I can go no further or risk life changing problems.
However, much to my horror, when I went back to drinking, it was worse than ever. The ISM part of alcoholism was progressing to the point where during the 3-4 days of binge drinking per month was amounting to greater quantity than the 25-30 days per month that I started out with.
In other words, I was drinking more per month than I started out with and doing more harm to my body as a result of binge drinking. When they say "once a pickle - there is no going back to being a cucumber" they are not exaggerating.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,949
Stinking Thinking: It is a killer. I've see far to many people in my social circle that go out and stay out of treatment because they "just want a few drinks now and then".
Like many serious illness's, there needs to be a daily treatment in place to prevent a relapse.
Keep your treatments up and things do work for the better.
Like many serious illness's, there needs to be a daily treatment in place to prevent a relapse.
Keep your treatments up and things do work for the better.
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