newwings

I'm not doing it any more! Why the heck should I go out to lunch/dinner with a group of girlfriends and end up paying $40+ more on my bill for their alcoholic drinks? It wasn't something that seemed an issue initially, but 45 days in, I'm really starting to resent shelling all that extra money out whilst I'm on a $2 drink of soda and they are all oiling themselves up with 4 or more $11 cocktails. I feel like a right miser, but I was looking forward to seeing some extra $$ in my pocket these days! So after paying for 8 people to get trollied on mimosas today at lunch, I said I'm paying for my own soda and no other drinks. Didn't go down well

suki44883

Don't blame you a bit. If they're miffed about it, too bad. There is no excuse for them expecting you to pay for alcoholic beverages if you don't drink. Pfffttt...

KissMyTiara

I'm surprised you lasted 45 days of the leeches.

newwings

I can see now why relationships have to change, at the very least, partially. I still want to go out and enjoy my social invitations, and I did say it very nicely - there was just a fuss made about having to redo the bill, and it made me feel really embarrassed. Most of them don't know why I quit, so today I said I'm tightening my belt to save for a trip back to the UK to see my family (hence the appetizer and not a huge entree), which is true. They are lovely girls, but over the top with everything they do. Always very generous with gifts, or paying money out for this and that, and it's always been the case that we've split the bill on trips out, but I've always been careful about what I choose if someone else's finances are involved. I've never been one to choose the most expensive thing on the menu if I know we are going to split costs - it makes me cringe when people do that, and add extra sides as well! Greedy so and so's!

CarolD

To solve the problem...ask the server for a separate check when your order is taken....

You could also bring your money in small bills ..then throw in your portion and leave your tip by your space.

erikm02

I'm glad those aren't my friends lol

Zebra1275

I agree, seperate checks are in order. If my friends had a problem with that I think I might need to reevaluate the friendship.

Froglet

I understand this inside and out, whether from a courtesy, social, or relationship perspective. Either way, it'll always tip the scale and cause some friction.

It's okay to be isolated as well sometimes just to send a message. If not, you could always order your share of food. :P

oak

It bugs me too to split the check and pay for alcohol. I often just throw in what I actually owe. Once in a while, I am willing to pay more. Partly it is the money, and partly I don't want to pay for alcohol.

Mark75

My brother has been in AA for 25 years and we have had the occasion to go out many times through the years, well before I stopped drinking... He always made it clear he didn't like splitting a check with lots of alcoholic drinks on it... and I never ever minded and tried to honor that as much as I could...

Just speak up, let the chips fall where they may... Good friends and family will understand.

NYCDoglvr

You are right to split the bill, or pay your portion of it.

LaFemme

This post makes me feel a little bad about the times I went out with friends and I drank loads more than the others but we split evenly. None of my friends are heavy drinkers. I will probably offer to split evenly for the next few years to make up for all the times I drank and they did not.

frances2011

Good for you. Once in a while is fine, evens out, but not fair every time or often. Bar drinks are mad crazy expensive!

soberdude70

It's growing pains for your friends. Change is never easy. It might be useful to search for some empathy towards them, but I agree the bill should NOT have been evenly split.

It is easier to bring this up at the beginning of the meal (this was mentioned above) and ask for a separate check for yourself. It's easier because it gets the issue out there before everyone is drunk. And when you try to change the routine at the end of the meail it's stressful for everyone. And again, you did the right thing IMHO.

yeahgr8

Yeah i tried hanging round with old mates after getting sober too, the issue really isn't the bill it is what you were doing there, in the old enviroment, in the first place?

checkmate1

Hi newwings I've noticed we have similar sober time 43 days for me. In regards to your friends they should recognize that you are not drinking and when it comes to pay they should be saying to each other...... well newwings hasn't had anything to drink so we should split it between the drinkers it's common courtesy and I would speak up and who cares if feelings are hurt it's your money there drinking.

SoberNVa

I added a thanks to every single reply to this post. I am in total agreement. there is no way I am going to pay far more than my fair share so someone can drink booze on the cheap. I always willingly paid for my booze without expecting othrs to subsidize me,so I expect the same.
Becky
Ten months, four weeks, 21 hours, 11 minutes and 52 seconds. 16644 cigarettes not smoked, saving $2,380.11. Life saved: 8 weeks, 1 day, 19 hours, 0 minutes.

TheEnd

I totally understand this. We have been going out with friends and they always order a bottle of wine and don't even think twice about splitting the bill. I'm with you on this.

TheEnd

She was hanging out with friends for lunch. That is not a the problem. I could understand if she was sitting at the bar or something, but that isn't the case here.

newwings

Thanks, TheEnd. Yes, it was just lunch - well, in fact it was BRUNCH - 11.15am, and we were all getting together to plan a graduation party for some of our kids that were graduating from Middle School next week.

I would say it was a typical gathering for women 35+, with a typical consumption of booze. Well - typical for my peers, anyhow. It was annoying not just because I paid for the alcohol, but also because I always end up driving a good number of them home, too. So I have to factor in the gas plus the extra time involved dropping everyone home, which adds to my annoyance.

I've never been a 'no' kind of person, so this is new for me to start standing up for myself. I'm realizing that although I was pretty selfish in my addiction, when you quit your DOC you have to also have a certain level of selfishness - not only to protect your sobriety, but also to stop resentments building up. And I don't want to be a bubbling vat of bitterness, I had enough of that when I was drinking!!!