erikm02

So I'm close to 3 weeks sober and everything is going okay

Life is really boring and I hate being around most people right now, but it's better than being drunk and hungover all the time I guess?

My question is what do you do when you get really frustrated or pissed off?

I know I always had some drinks to unwind and calm myself down. Obviously can't do that anymore. How do you unwind when you've had a really bad day?

Thanks for the tips!

Latte

I work out. I live in the Pac Nor West so I bought a parka and run. I would go absolutely crazy without being able to sweat out my annoyances. Couch to 5K has helped keep me from losing what is left of my mind.

NYCDoglvr

I get tremendous support at AA meetings. Some people can get sober on their own, I'm not one of them. I need the support of other people.

CarolD

I too connect to AA and enjoy the new friends....
we do all sorts of interesting things and yes..that includes meetings.

Think of something you always wanted to do.. because of your drinking...you never tried.
Voulenteer somewhere...learn a different language..take a class ..join a gym.
I know how to cook....shoot guns...fish...fly single engine airplanes...plant a garden....etc etc

Be both sober and interesting....well done on your early sober time...

ZZworldontheweb

Exercise, AA meetings, all these are super suggestions.

Ultimately, I think the goal is to just transform my whole way of looking at the world so that people / circumstances don't frustrate and **** me off so much in the first place. That's what the 12 steps are mostly about.

indakut

-read inspirational things (bible)
-take a nap
-cut the grass
-read SR
-do some type of home improvement
I was really ticked off by a MAJOR supervisor one day last week. I did all the stuff above that evening when I returned home from work. That was an EXTREMELY difficult day because I wanted to hit the supervisor the next time I saw her.

fragileflower

Hey, I'm just over three weeks sober too. Congrats.

I get frustrated, bored, and anxious too. The thing I always try to remember during times like this is the acronym HALT. Am I:

Hungry? I eat something. Something nutritious is best. I like bananas.

Angry? I journal, get on SR, read posts, write posts, respond to posts. I go to an AA meeting or call AA members.

Lonely? Same as above, especially the meeting/calling other people in the program.

Tired? Take a walk, or take a nap.

Anything is better than drinking. If you are like me, you will have these feelings, but after awhile, you will discover so many new things to do, hobbies, reading, etc. that you could not do while drinking.

Hope this helps,
fragileflower

DayTrader

That sort of question is what kept me in AA. Even though I wasn't drinking anymore, it was apparent to me that my techniques of dealing with life needed a lot of improvement. Some of my tools needed sharpening...and some just needed to get replaced. AA was the only place I could find where sooooooo many ppl shared the same problems and yet, had found solutions that actually worked.....in practice, not just in theory or in some book.

To answer your question I can share what worked for me: getting fully recovered....period. Alcoholism, for the chronic alcoholic, is a 3 part disease. It affects us physically, mentally and spiritually. Putting the plug in the jug fixed the physical part......but I was still 2/3's drunk....or just 1/3 sober. The idea that my alcoholism still hurts me when I'm NOT drinking was like rocket science for me at first. Learning how to address the other two aspects of sobriety did wonders and it was only then that the weight on my shoulders and in my head started to lift.

For me, tips on how to cope never carried enough weight, rarely worked, and even when they did, they weren't reliable. Sometimes they were enough, sometimes they didn't even make a dent. If you find you CAN manage your sobriety, good for you. If you find you can't......welcome to the club. The GOOD news is that there's a solution even for ppl like that (like me).....I had to work the AA program (just like a gazillion ppl before me) to find it.

erikm02

Thanks for the responses. I really think I just need to adjust my way of thinking and that may take time

As a short term solution I will try the above, love the HALT suggestion!

Will do my best to try out an AA meeting, never been before but it's kind of hard without a car lol

Supercrew

Your old habit was you changed your focus on being "pissed or frustrated or bored", to drinking because it "calmed" you.

You need to change your focus to something else now. As you have seen from the examples above that some people focus on working out, while others will focus on AA. You need to find something that you like, you really enjoy, and something that is healthy for you, and focus on it.

You get what you focus on, it's that simple.

tomdecel

Hey Erik,

I saw that you are a runner on another forum. That is exactly what I do. Go out for a run (or fast walk) and try to clear my head when things aren't going my way. Helps to put things in perspective.

When I get really get p... off (which really does not happen very often these days) I just go to my garage and pick up up some heavy dumbbells and fight gravity for awhile. Half an hour later I'm like a different person.

But by all means work on mentally dealing with whatever you are dealing with by meditating, visualizing or just plain old daydreaming. I keep a bunch of PMA (positive mental attitude) quotes I have copied and pasted into a large document I can access anywhere, even on my phone. (Pictures also work).

Zencat

What is helping me is having a whole new positive attitude about life. This is changing the way I think and act. Because drinking and for me drugging, is no longer an option. Now I focus of creating a better me than finding an escape through alcohol. It dose take time with an action plan to get rid of an old dysfunctional way of living that was mostly created by my bad attitude fueled with alcohol and dope.

Boleo

When the Buddha said "Each is his own master" he was not talking about being the master of his universe. He was talking about being the master of his emotions. I have found that by using prayer, meditation and serving others unselfishly - I can more or less bring my life under perfect equanimity:

Definition of EQUANIMITY

1 evenness of mind especially under stress <nothing could disturb his equanimity>

2 right disposition

Synonym Discussion of EQUANIMITY:

Balance, composure, sangfroid mean evenness of mind under stress. equanimity suggests a habit of mind that is only rarely disturbed under great strain <accepted her troubles with equanimity>. composure implies the controlling of emotional or mental agitation by an effort of will or as a matter of habit <maintaining his composure even under hostile questioning>. sangfroid implies great coolness and steadiness under strain <handled the situation with professional sangfroid>.

PirateAtHeart

Martial arts has been wonderful...therapeutic even.

~PaH

AmericanGirl

Action-wise (the concrete stuff):

• Take a bath or shower
• Get some exercise
• Busy yourself with a productive but mindless task like cleaning that will show your progress (thus picking up your mood and giving you a sense of accomplishment)

Thought-wise (the abstract stuff):

• Think of at least three good things that happened today
• Remind yourself of the serenity prayer (take out God if it doesn't fit for you): you know this one: "Grant me strength to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." Repeat it as a mantra or prayer -- whatever works.
• Meditate (empty yourself of yourself)

It will get easier! Coming to visit here, of course, is also a great idea.

duffleupagus

If you call your local AA hotline and let them know you'd like to go to a meeting but need a ride, they can very likely find someone to take you. They won't mind at all; helping you stay sober helps them to stay sober, it's part of the steps.

Dee74

Welcome to SR duffleupagus

D

soidog

Tennis. Play an hour or so a day and you will be wiped out and in bed early that evening.

neonxpolkaxdots

When I get frustrated or upset I always work the steps around it. I also look at wich parts I'm powerless over and realize I'm powerless over the fact that it happened. That helps with acceptance. I also read the story in the fourth edition called "Acceptance Was The Answer"

Also I was listening to this speaker cd and the guy called his spons and was complaining about how his wife had pissed him off. His spons said "why dont you try not to think about it for a few days" and he replied "but then I wont be me mad anymore!". It really works. I try to focus on something else for a while and keep my mind off of it long enough to cool down. If its something I have to deal with then I come back to it once I've cooled down by not focusing on it, and after I've talked to my sponsor and support group.

But most of the time its stuff that just goes away, so I acept that it happened and try to focus on something else. Then it goes away. I dont know if that helps.

Also, in early sobriety emotions are crazy. Post acute withdrawl is rediculous and will mess with your emotions. I remember when I had about two or three weeks, litterally crying and screaming at my boyfriend because my coffee cup wasn't clean. I'm SO not that way today! Just power throught it. It gets better and you'll even out.

lisa888

I am also learning to cope with emotions, one thing I realized is why should I let a bad day or one jerk ruin everything I have worked so hard for. About a week ago, I wanted to pick up a drink again, but I thought it through and went to an AA meeting. That night the topic was resentments. I realized that if I harbored the resentments, it would urge me to drink and then I would just resent myself. Not worth it. Also, I realized that I was always just chasing that temporary high, only to crash down and feel worse. I want to stay level, go with the flow, and stop letting external things destroy my health, sanity and emotional well being. I still get ticked off and stressed out, but it's how I deal with it now that matters more and I am slowly gaining new tools. Lots of other good tips here, take a walk, call a friend, read a book, go out for ice cream, anything but drink. Another thing I did was to make a list of the "pros" and "cons" of my drinking, the cons obviously outweigh the pros, that also led me to things I won't miss about the drinking. It's enough to deter me when I need to check myself. Hope it helps, stay strong.