Drinking away the pain, my heart is broken?
 

I'm so depressed. severely depressed. My husband and I are fighting all the time. he has been being so mean to me. being so controlling. always critisizing me. i can't stand living with him any more. he is of know help to me any more. i can be the best wife ever, and its never good enough. i just feel like giving up. feeling so suicidal. every thing feels so hopeless. if it wasn't for my kids, i wouldn't have anything to live for. and because of the severe depression i keep having this i don't give a **** attidute, and keep up my heavy drinking, after i put the kids to bed of course. i never drink in front of them. every night i'm getting drunk, to try to ease my broken heart. i just can't stand this pain. i'm in so much pain. plz don't judge me.

You ever get to that meeting yet pink? You see the pattern, same old, same old.

Pink, it isn't judging you to point out what you, yourself have told us time and time again. Until you are willing to get help, nothing is going to change for the better. Please get the help you know you need.

what about my depression, my saddest, my crap of a life, what's gonna change that

You will, but first, you have to stop drinking. Drinking doesn't help any of those things, it only makes them worse. Please, get the help you know you need.

Keep your head up PINKFIREFLY

YouTube - ‪Feargal Sharkey - A Good Heart (Full Music Video)‬‏

call your doctor and counselor about your depression.
call your local AA about your drinking and drug issues.

This popping in and out of our site is not helping you ..:no:
Have you taken even 1 suggestion on how to quit and stuck with it?..:no:

Alcohol is a depressant. It makes depression worse.

Alcohol Use, Abuse, and Depression: Is There a Connection?

Find a way to stop drinking and your depression will be manageable. It may not disappear, but you'll be in a place where you can proactively seek to treat it.

Stop drinking and you may find that your "crap of a life" isn't so awful, that it just needs repair and for you to be a more vital part of it. You have kids whom you obviously love, so it's not all a wash.

Sadness is inherent to living, we all must find ways to live and deal with it, and if we're lucky, we can find ways to allow it to make our overall experience richer and fuller. My hunch is that your sadness is greatly illuminated and exacerbated by the drinking - stop drinking and you can start to deal with what's really going on. Pain is inevitable, suffering is not.

You. You, and only you, can change all of that.

So many good people on this forum have offered a multitude of resources to you. Do you realize how discouraging it must feel to the people who have lent their time in an effort to help you break this cycle and you don't reciprocate with any action at all?

I wouldn't worry about being judged. After reading the same old thread again I'm more apathetic than judgmental.

Pink, NobleCause said it so well. You have to quit the drinking it's only making the depression much worse. Next deal with the depression with a Doctor. The rest will fall into place but the alcohol is your biggest problem right now.

great posts by everyone, listen girl.
Keep it simple, not the end of the world, wake up tommorrow and start again, you never know whats behind door number two.
your not depressed...
your a normal human being, trying to be good.
take a breath. your heart is in the right place.

My life was broken pink - as long as I looked to alcohol to fix it, it stayed broken - heck, it even broke more.

You've had so many good suggestions here at SR - I really hope one day soon you decide to follow a few of them up.

D

Hi pink - I understand you think you're drinking to cope with your "crap of a life," but what it's really doing is keeping you down, unable to make any changes at all.

You may not be drinking in front of your children, but it's no less sad that that they will grow up with a mother who is unhappy and in pain, in a marriage that is unhealthy. It's likely they'll end up repeating the pattern.

That's not a judgement, pink. That's just what happens.

What do you think you should do to get out of this?

(((Pink))) - I turned to drugs to deal with a really dysfunctional relationship (then went on to get involved with two MORE dysfunctional guys). I was totally miserable and did attempt suicide a few times (obviously unsuccessful, as I'm still here)

It wasn't until I stopped the crack (my DOC) that I started looking at why I allowed someone else to make me feel so miserable. I'd been emotionally abused for so long, I had no self esteem, believed in all the horrible things I'd been told, and had to start over.

It wasn't easy, but in time, I rediscovered myself. SR doesn't seem to be enough for you. There is a wealth of help, out there, you just have to reach out for it. If something doesn't seem to work, try something else. My recovery plan is a mish-mash of things I've found that work for me.

Drinking isn't helping you deal with this, it's simply keeping you chained to your present circumstances.

I pray that you get sick enough of what is going on that you find your way to make things better.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I drank because my life was on hold, my Dad left me when I was 4 and never came back, I was lonely, my marriage sucks, my only sister died a horrible lingering death from a brain tumor age 34, I get depression sometimes, etc etc etc. That was me and my life.

I can't fix any of those things. The only thing I could fix was my drinking. When I quit the drinking, the depression improved and I could SEE clearly and THINK clearly. I no longer feel depressed, although none of those above things have changed. I have changed my approach to how I live my life and how life treats me. I no longer sit and sob about how life has dealt me a bad hand...because it hasn't. I'm here, I'm breathing, I'm living, and I'm happy. Drinking made me SO depressed.

Please, you have to stop this. Go and get some help, because you CAN change things around. We can't fix you, either. You have to do it yourself, and we can't literally hold your hand in that first step, YOU have to do it. What do you really want to do?

only YOU can control what you do and how you deal with circumstances...you are self-diagnosing and self-medicating since October, 2010.

you come here, beg for help, vent (which is good), then you state your crisis of the day and disappear, it's always someone else's "fault"....we carry on the thread with out you for a few days...while you do whatever and you do not respond or interact...

Lather, rinse repeat.....if nothing changes, nothing changes...I won't comment on your past postings...you have to live with yourself...If you want to like yourself, you have try to find some common sense and seek help IRL.

It is very sad that you continue to drink.

What is going to change that is 1)stop drinking. 2) See your doctor (anti-d's don't work if one is drinking) 3) Get to some meetings. 4) Find a sponsor. 5) If need be also get yourself a therapist that specializes in addictions. (fortunately most of them have a fee schedule that is on a sliding scale, since addiction plays he!! with our finances).

You have been told all of the above in every thread you have posted. Have you taken even one of the above steps yet?

Love and hugs,

Hey Pink - I was right there with you, drinking only after the kids were in bed. Never in front of them. But, I finally realized, my hangovers were "in front of them". My moodiness and weepiness was "in front of them". My depression was "in front of them". And finally, after I was sober a while and had to take one of them to the ER in the middle of the night, I realized that a DUI, an accident, a DEATH could have been "in front of them" or INCLUDED THEM.

Get help. Nothing will get better until you stop drinking and get some help.

Good luck!
Jomey