Drinking away the pain, my heart is broken?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: richmond,VA
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by pinkfirefly 
what about my depression, my saddest, my crap of a life, what's gonna change that
Quitting drinking,getting into recovery,getting some help for it will change it. Drinking every night will not.It is just prolonging the agony.and setting you up to lose your home your marriage,your kids and your life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Originally Posted by Jomey
Hey Pink - I was right there with you, drinking only after the kids were in bed. Never in front of them. But, I finally realized, my hangovers were "in front of them". My moodiness and weepiness was "in front of them". My depression was "in front of them". And finally, after I was sober a while and had to take one of them to the ER in the middle of the night, I realized that a DUI, an accident, a DEATH could have been "in front of them" or INCLUDED THEM.
Get help. Nothing will get better until you stop drinking and get some help.
Good luck!
Jomey
Get help. Nothing will get better until you stop drinking and get some help.
Good luck!
Jomey
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Pink, great advice here, I really hope you get yourself some help...the more you beat yourself,the worse you feel, and then the cycle begins...and the longer you wait to get help the more the guilt,resentments etc build.....then as time goes by more unmangeable things happen...it's a vicious cycle...time to start loving yourself hun!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
There are three steps to solving your drinking/life problem. 1) don't drink 2) go to meetings and 3) get a sponsor. You can add a 4th if you want, but it is really just the same as the first one. 4) DON'T DRINK!!!! Ever if your ass falls off, DON'T DRINK!!!!! And if your ass does fall off, pick up and take it to a meeting!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
My bottom was 5 years and 3 months ago when I overdosed and my daughter had to go get a friend to call the police who had to use a portable machine to restart my heart before EMS got there. I thought my drinking was bad-it can always get worse.
Please get some help.
Please get some help.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
And how's that going? Does drinking make you feel better or solve your problems with your husband? The result is this: you feel depressed AND you're drunk. Actually alcohol is a depressant. I hope you understand it's time to get help.
Its time for bed
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Undisclosed Location
Posts: 343
Pink, I really feel for you... I also drank to smooth out my dysfunctional marriage.
Fact is: you may not return to a happy marriage. You could clean up and and get your head back together and find that your marriage will not last even if you both did everything right from this moment on.
I'm willing to bet that your husband is so full of resentments over your alcoholism that he has nothing left to put into the marriage... and you are still drinking. Maybe it can be saved, but thats going to take a lot longer than a few days of not drinking... A LOT LONGER!!
So if you do separate are you going to stop then? Are you going to stop for a few days and flirt with having "one drink" again? Please accept as we all did that you cannot drink anymore. There's no shame in that, but there is shame in being totally wasted.
ITs not to late. I'm not judging, I really want you to put the drinks away and be the great wife and mother you can absolutely be!!
Fact is: you may not return to a happy marriage. You could clean up and and get your head back together and find that your marriage will not last even if you both did everything right from this moment on.
I'm willing to bet that your husband is so full of resentments over your alcoholism that he has nothing left to put into the marriage... and you are still drinking. Maybe it can be saved, but thats going to take a lot longer than a few days of not drinking... A LOT LONGER!!
So if you do separate are you going to stop then? Are you going to stop for a few days and flirt with having "one drink" again? Please accept as we all did that you cannot drink anymore. There's no shame in that, but there is shame in being totally wasted.
ITs not to late. I'm not judging, I really want you to put the drinks away and be the great wife and mother you can absolutely be!!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
This response isn't really for PFF, who doesn't seem that interested in what anyone has to say anyone, but for YOU if you came to this thread because you continue to drink to cope with difficult life circumstances.
The most important thing to take away is that ALCOHOL IS A DEPRESSANT. Ingesting a depressant daily is going to make you more depressed, make every setback seem like a catastrophe, and make your life feel a lot more awful than it really is.
I started drinking most heavily after my husband of 10 years (who I had started dating when I was 18) left without much warning, then I got laid off, I felt so isolated because I was stuck way out as the only single person in the suburbs in a house I couldn't sell, and some other things happened. I was on anti-depressants and didn't understand why they weren't working. I saw no way out of the horrible hole I believed I was in.
But then I stopped drinking, and slowly -- even though NONE of the factual circumstances of my life were any different -- I began to realize that my life wasn't that bad after all. I realized that the new job opportunities I was getting looked a lot better than my old job had. The people I started to date were a lot better matches for me than my husband had been. I became a lot more cognizant of the many wonderful people in my life and reached out to accept their support, and I felt a lot less lonely. I realized that selling my house and moving to the city, where I would not feel so isolated, was not an overwhelmingly impossible task after all.
Nothing was really different than when I had been drinking, but the difference was that I wasn't downing a bunch of depressant in the form of alcohol every day. Surprise surprise, my low-dose anti-depressants actually started working. The depression I thought had been caused by external circumstances really originated from the way I was approaching the world because of my mental state.
So the bottom line is, don't worry about how you will cope with your horrible life if you stop drinking. JUST STOP DRINKING. Once you start getting sober, you will realize your life isn't that horrible after all.
GG
The most important thing to take away is that ALCOHOL IS A DEPRESSANT. Ingesting a depressant daily is going to make you more depressed, make every setback seem like a catastrophe, and make your life feel a lot more awful than it really is.
I started drinking most heavily after my husband of 10 years (who I had started dating when I was 18) left without much warning, then I got laid off, I felt so isolated because I was stuck way out as the only single person in the suburbs in a house I couldn't sell, and some other things happened. I was on anti-depressants and didn't understand why they weren't working. I saw no way out of the horrible hole I believed I was in.
But then I stopped drinking, and slowly -- even though NONE of the factual circumstances of my life were any different -- I began to realize that my life wasn't that bad after all. I realized that the new job opportunities I was getting looked a lot better than my old job had. The people I started to date were a lot better matches for me than my husband had been. I became a lot more cognizant of the many wonderful people in my life and reached out to accept their support, and I felt a lot less lonely. I realized that selling my house and moving to the city, where I would not feel so isolated, was not an overwhelmingly impossible task after all.
Nothing was really different than when I had been drinking, but the difference was that I wasn't downing a bunch of depressant in the form of alcohol every day. Surprise surprise, my low-dose anti-depressants actually started working. The depression I thought had been caused by external circumstances really originated from the way I was approaching the world because of my mental state.
So the bottom line is, don't worry about how you will cope with your horrible life if you stop drinking. JUST STOP DRINKING. Once you start getting sober, you will realize your life isn't that horrible after all.
GG
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 34
My wife was mean to me and I wanted to die myself 13 months ago. I couldn't stop drinking and was trying to numb the pain I was in by alcohol. It didn't work, I feel into a deeper depression and then I was standing in my garage with a gun in my mouth. I surrendered right then and called my brother and told him I needed to goto treatment. I was in treatment 2 days later and haven't looked back. My life is so much better now. It was the best thing I ever did for myself and it was easier to ask for help and seek treatment than suffer everyday in my depression. In the beginning I didn't know what to expect, but I wanted my life to change and be happy again. After about 2 weeks of sobriety the fog started to clear and I began to smile from ear to ear:-) If you can't got treatment, goto at least five AA meetings. I tried a bunch of different ones, until I found one that I liked.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
"This response isn't really for PFF, who doesn't seem that interested in what anyone has to say anyone"
Pink likes logging in very late in the night..I know she LOVES the attention and checks to see how many responses she gets. I have seen her on. But if any of these responses help others it is worth it.
I too found out that life is way less catastrophic once you get alcohol out of the equation..
Perhaps we could close this thread since we are just talking to each other..
Pink likes logging in very late in the night..I know she LOVES the attention and checks to see how many responses she gets. I have seen her on. But if any of these responses help others it is worth it.
I too found out that life is way less catastrophic once you get alcohol out of the equation..
Perhaps we could close this thread since we are just talking to each other..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
exactly, we can continue a helpful discussion without the dramatic entrance. it's that PFF doesn't participate, but hopefully gains some knowledge...she seems to need to start threads always in "victim mode"....I've seen her logged in too during the afternoon at times.
12steps made some great comments that are very useful.
12steps made some great comments that are very useful.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Woah! Hold up, guys! I understand your frustration, but this is getting a bit personal about Pink and I'm feeling uncomfortable with it. I thought we didn't shoot our wounded on here? Aren't we cutting off someone who needs us? Aren't we forgetting how bloody miserable WE were when we were drinking? Yes, quitting is the answer, but not everyone gets it...one day, hopefully, Pink will get it, but until then, shouldn't we be compassionate and just offer support? It takes nothing to do so. If her posts irk you, just read and skip on. Any newcomer reading this, would, I feel, feel fairly intimidated, and whilst the responses aren't typical of us and our empathetic support system due to frustration, they seem very harsh. 
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
I think Pink posts here so her husband (or someone) will read it and feel sorry for her and then either let her keep drinking and/or live her life for her. I am not sure which.
I am sure she doesn't feel the necessity of changing anything for or by herself. I am sure of that because I've been there. I used to think if I posted my troubles somewhere, they would magically go away and I wouldn't have to work for anything in life.
When any trouble came my way; big or small, I would just crumple like road kill. It was my default mode. Whether it be in the form of drinking, sinking into a deep depression and self-pity to where I was nothing but a failed human concern, saying to myself "I can't do this" and not moving, deliberately hurting myself or whatever. It became my default mode.
But it didn't work. It never worked despite the fact that I stubbornly tried to live this way for a very long time. Ultimately, I had to make changes.
Pink, I hope you get there some day and soon. I honestly feel your pain, but it's not working and it may be time to try something else.
Much love.
I am sure she doesn't feel the necessity of changing anything for or by herself. I am sure of that because I've been there. I used to think if I posted my troubles somewhere, they would magically go away and I wouldn't have to work for anything in life.
When any trouble came my way; big or small, I would just crumple like road kill. It was my default mode. Whether it be in the form of drinking, sinking into a deep depression and self-pity to where I was nothing but a failed human concern, saying to myself "I can't do this" and not moving, deliberately hurting myself or whatever. It became my default mode.
But it didn't work. It never worked despite the fact that I stubbornly tried to live this way for a very long time. Ultimately, I had to make changes.
Pink, I hope you get there some day and soon. I honestly feel your pain, but it's not working and it may be time to try something else.
Much love.
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