pinkgurl87

I don't know what to do I've been craving alcohol so bad. I got asked by this random guy that lives in my city if I wanted to go to his house and drink alcohol. I really want to do it, but I know it's bad and not safe, but I just want alcohol so bad i would almost do anything for it. I have no money my parents don't let me access to money which drives me crazy. My therapist suggested going to an NA/AA meeting but it's hard because I've been sober for a while, so i feel stupid going to NA/ AA because then I would be there and be like I have some time but I'm craving again. I wanted to get together with this guy today but he was busy so we aren't but i am so tempted to leave this house and go downtown so what i can get off people whether drugs or alcohol. I'm suppose to go on a trip to China and i kind of don't wanta go but I don't know, so part of me wants to sabotage it , because if I relapse then maybe I wouldn't have to go. I don't know it's all so confusing. I'm worried about school to like I'm going to graduate next year and sometimes I want to sabatosh it because I'm so afraid i don't know what to do when I graduate, graduating is scary. I don't know I'm just rambling.

Rachel

Anna

Hi Rachel,

If you don't want to go to China, don't go. There's no need to sabotage yourself by drinking, so that you're not able to go. Part of recovery is figuring out who you are and what matters to you, so don't go if you don't want to go.

There would be no problem going to an NA/AA meeting and saying you're having cravings even though you've been sober for awhile. I don't go to meetings, but I know that everyone has ups and downs in recovery and we do understand.

I'm glad you're talking to your therapist, and of course graduating is a scary time, and maybe talking to a school counsellor would help you figure out what you'd like to do.

pinkgurl87

Ya but I asked people for money to go on this trip and I basically have all the money in and I would let everyone down if I didn't go.

newwings

Rachel, you sound in a real tizz, with tons of things scrambling around your brain. Stop for a second...BREATHE. This guy is offering you something for nothing. He's seen your desperation for alcohol/drugs and how vulnerable you are right now and he's using it get get something from you, and I'm to scared to even think what. You have a deep down gut instinct that something is not right here, please listen to it.

Please go to a meeting...move your feet towards people that will give you shelter, kindness and want nothing from you but your health and wellbeing. This guy is not one of those people. Please don't drink with this 'random' man.

As for your trip to China, you come across as though it's totally overwhelming with what you have going on and your head isn't in the right place for such an adventure. Is there any way you can delay it? Or return everyone's money and say you aren't ready? I really think that if people care enough to give you money for a trip, they would care if you said you weren't ready and that you need to work on your recovery a bit before heading off into a strange country.


Blessings

Dee74

I agree with everyone here Pinkgurl

Don't go to this guys house - you know drinking is not good for you and you already know it's not safe.

Do go to a meeting - this is exactly the reason why AA/NA is there.

If you don't want to go back to China again - don't go.

Returning the money, or delaying the trip until you feel stronger, will always be better than dealing with struggles, or even worse a relapse.

Please do reach out and get help today
D

Antiderivative

There are some people in AA/NA who have over three decades of sobriety. Some find great joy in the friendship and helping others in need. Give it a shot, it may be something that you like or not.

I could be wrong, but If you have some time, I doubt that you are craving, but rather obsessing (There is a difference). If this is the case, one of the best things you can do is to do something that takes you out of yourself.

You are not alone in the "self sabotage" category. I can relate and still do it to this day. However, it boils down to two choices, either face your fears or cave in and sabotage yourself. Everytime I face my fears and overcome them, I realized how irrational and unfounded they were. Everytime I caved it, it allowed me to wallow in self-pitied, beat myself up more, and not progress as a person. The choice seems obvious, but I am not always the most rational person.

If you don't want to go to China, then I will take your ticket (I'm joking of course). It sounds like an awesome adventure and I am just a tad bit jealous

I wish you the best, but try taking the focus off yourself and see what results you get. It is just a suggestion.

pinkgurl87

Though I'm wondering if the not wanting to go to China is because I know I will be away from people and opportunities in which I could possibly get high or drunk, and I will be away from the internet. I can;t give the money back it's through an organization and ya they can hold the money for a year but that's all they can do but if I postpone it a year it ruins my other plans. Maybe I'm just nervous, I've gone on trips like this before and I know the first time I went I was the same way I didn't wanta go but I had an ok time when I got there. I might be just depressed and not motivated I don't know. To be honest I wanted to go somewhere else , I've already been to China twice , I wanted to go to India but my mother wouldn't let me and stuff. Well I orginally wanted to go to Peru but the trip got cancelled. So I don't know, it's all so confusing. Right now I'm going crazy i have a knot in my stomach and I can't calm down I want to do something anything to feel better but that doesn't work so well idk. I just feel horrible. Sorry for rambling.

Jim529

Just reading your thread here and see you are online. I'm in no position to give advice as today is my first full day of sobriety. I didn't count yesterday as when I awoke I had my last three bottles of beer, as has been my habit for awhile.

I did last about 8 years a good while back, but I recall that time as depressing, not feeling truly alive. Just going through the motions. I plan to start working out soon, and may try yoga down the street. Gonna start taking vitamins too.

Try things. Do things. Go places. I hope the knot is gone from your stomach.

freeinhim

Hi Pink,

I know the cravings can feel pretty bad at times. If you are still feeling this way, here are some things you can consider. Although it feels like you're going to die without a drink, please know that you won't. It may be hard and painful, but not impossible. The best part is that the cravings won't last forever. They get better over time.

Some practical tips: 1) think about the consequences of drinking and negative affects. 2) practice some "positive talk." Stuff like, "I know I can resist" or "This is not what I want for my life." You might also think of your long-term goals rather than focusing on momentary pleasure. True lasting happiness is not found in a bottle. But I'm sure you already know that!

I hope all goes well with you. Hang in there, this too shall pass.

FIH

MrDavid

Rachel...I agree with the other responses. Going to that persons residency is not a good idea, especially when alcohol is present. The scenario that would best describe that encounter would be "awkward" nothing more. Alcohol is never a viable outlet to mask our fears and insecurities but a troubling deterrent to change. I suggest you look beyond that current dilemma and allow yourself the privilege of some much needed rest, so you can deal with that other gnawing impediment called "cravings". The best deterrent for any prolonged addiction is to attend and participate in some more AA/NA meetings -one day at a time.

As far as the china thing is concerned. I suggest putting off that endeavor for now and refocus all your energies on remaining sober and combating the after effects of this disease -one day at a time. Remaining true to ourselves and developing a good support network is the key to lasting sobriety. So, unless you have a good support network in China who can help alleviate some of those uncomfortable feelings, I would suggest you forgo that trip for now. Your health and welfare is always our first concern and no one in their right mind would suggest you make plans to go anywhere that can shift focus away from your ultimate goal, which is to remain sober. They say in sobriety "No major changes", especially If you feel uncomfortable. Can you cancel that trip? we suggest you have a good strategy in place before you move forward in case you cannot. Remember...I'ts about change and we must do so before all else.

Our prayer for you (Rachel) is this: You'll be able to stay off those cravings and develop a sober routine that becomes your life breath for change and the glorious future your higher power has in store for your life -one day at a time.

~God bless~

CarolD

Jim529...

freeinhim...

Welcome to our recovery community

Jim529

So very kind of you Carol. Thank you.

Pure

hope it gets better pink

pinkgurl87

Thanks well I haven't drank today but I kind of want to but really not a good idea, I can still taste alcohol on my breath it's really annoying.

billsaintjames

Seems like everyone here is dancing around the fact that this guy is probably looking for sex. We all know that is often the case when a guy asks a random girl to come over for drinks (or vice versa).

If you are aware of this, and I am guessing you are, maybe you should think about why you even considered his offer. Drinking is symptomatic of underlying issues in life. Take a hard look at what those unresolved issues could be, and what they have to do with this particular situation.

As for China, people have all sorts of opinions on that stuff. Some people say don't make any major life changes the first year of sobriety (or was it the first 6 months? I can't remember). All I know is I went to Spain a drunk in October 2010, and yesterday I came back to the USA being four months sober. Regardless of what decision you make, it will be a lot easier to make while you're sober. Not to mention the fact that if you made the decision in the midst of a using period, you might come to regret your judgment later, regardless of what it was.

pinkgurl87

Oh I know he's after sex. I'm not stupid, but it's like part of me doesn't care because it's like oh well, what worse can he do really, i've already been raped , like I already lost my viginity, like whats going to matter, I get alcohol afterall don't I plus I would be to drunk to care. Though deep down i don't want it because i really hate sex and stuff but ya. That's what i know it's how I got what I wanted before, drugs or alcohol.

1undone

Self worth? Succeeding? What's wrong with that? What are you afraid of? Someone must see something in you or they wouldn't have given money for you to go to China. Sometimes when we are afraid we do what we know. What you and I know is alcohol, it's how we cope, it's what we do/did. Why aren't you worth success? I guess you have to answer that question. We certainly know how to fail, that's easy.

I hope you choose to care about yourself and try something new. I think in the coming weeks you will look at yourself in the mirror and wonder how you got so far. I'm thinking about you.

NYCDoglvr

First of all, you only have to stay sober TODAY. But you should get the support of other addicts at NA/AA. Now every one of us gets a craving for alcohol from time to time because even after 20 years of AA meetings I'm still an alcoholic. Many of us suffer from "terminal uniqueness" as Bill W says in the BB. But the beauty of being around other alcoholics is that I can see I'm a garden variety drunk. And there's nothing unusual with wanting to drink.

I just won't today.

omegasupreme

Have you ever worked the steps?

pinkgurl87

No haven't worked the steps, but celebrate recovery is doing step study starting in September I'm looking into doing that.