Coconut61

Made me gain 30 pounds over the past 3-4 years! I am disgusted. And what I've realized is it is a vicious cycle. I started drinking to escape painful feelings of loneliness at a young age (18). It worked, as well all know, for many years. But then the disease progressed and progressed until I was no longer drinking to be social and to ease social anxiety, I was drinking because I had no social life and was lonely. Why do/did i have no social or romantic life, because of drinking! The things that I did when I was drunk and the fact that towards the end of the progression it is easier than sit and drink than go out and deal with people. But when I am sober, and sometimes when I'm drunk, I long for friendship and romantic connection. So i go to work and my other obligations, but whenever I am out and about I am so insecure because I don't feel good about the way I look because of the 30 extra lbs. Now of course in order to lose those all i have to do is stop drinking. Not only will i cut out the calories but i will actually have the energy to go to the gym and won't be sick every day.

It seems like such a simple solution. I am sober now (on the end of day 3) and can see all of this very clearly. How backwards all of this thinking is. Alcohol causes me to be isolated when I desire connections, so I drink to drown the isolated feelings.

I want nothing more than to stay sober for the rest of my life and to see the positive changes I imagine would come from a life of sobriety. Its just that these changes don't happen in a week or a month. Facing the pain while trying to get sober and change my life can seem unbearable, which is why I haven't been able to get sober in the past permanently.

Sorry to ramble. Your stories inspire me, and I am sure that I will benefit from any comments that show up in response to this post.

SomethingBetter

Congrats on day 3, it is tough in the beginning, but it does get easier, making a decision to stay sober was a turning point in my life, one that I will never regret.

Welcome to the forum!

Dee74

Welcome Coconut61

D

Bikeguy

Welcome to Sober Recovery and congratulations on day 3. Stay strong and keep up the good work.

Zebra1275

Welcome!

CarolD

...Welcome.....glad you are heading into a better future

MrDavid

I hear you Coconut61....I was 150 pounds in great shape and looking fantastic before alcohol came knocking at my door. Now that I am sober and 10 years older, I've gained 70 pounds, have more jelly rolls than dunkin’ donuts and lost all my hair. What the heck happened?

If you can figure it out let me know, until then let’s remain sober together...shall we?

~God bless~

PapaNico

Cutting out booze is a great way to shed the weight. I cleaned up my act a few years ago and dropped damn near 50 lbs. Losing the empty calories plus finding the energy to work out really turns one into a calorie burning machine! Since I started drinking again, (I had about a year clear of booze), I have put 20 lbs back around my body, so I use that as motivation as well, just like you! It is a pretty simple equation, but I know that it is tough to see that extra weight on the body and know that it comes from one of our demons. That sort of shameful thinking has led me into a downward spiral that finds me sitting on the couch with massive amounts of liquid calories flooding my body many a time. I am working on day 3 (again) as well, and am sitting at 195. -- 5'10" male, and that extra 20 is my spare tire. I will try to keep you posted on my progress, and if it would be helpful to check in with me, maybe we could get things ramped up together and shed the things we don't need! Have a great night. PapaNico

Coconut61

Thanks for the welcome, everyone! @PapaNico and MrDavid...it is comforting to know that people are in the same boat as I am. It sounds like a superficial reason to drop drinking...to lose weight. But honestly, I have lost so much else in addition to my good looks because of alcohol. The weight problem is just something palpable and it is a way I could see positive reasons to stay off booze.

Also, as I mentioned before, extra weight is representative of so much bigger problems...health, lack of relationship satisfaction, being judged by society and treated worse. All of those things make me feel terrible and want to drink to escape. So its a cycle but somewhere this cycle needs to end. I was reading some very encouraging posts on here about how different people looked after quitting drinking...no more bloating, better skin, clearer eyes. I want all of that more than I wanted a glass of wine tonight.

I know I need to find a program and support for the long run. This was just a wakeup call for me to realize just how much drinking impacts every part of my life. Thanks for your input and support. Its been a rough 3 days. I do need sober friends, since all of my "friends" are boozers or compulsive overeaters or both. I think id rather be alone right now than be in the company of those who will lead to my destruction by enabling me. Maybe I could find some sober friends in AA in addition to on here...

OklaBH

Yes! You can find sober friends who are just like you in AA!

Welcome and congrats on your decision to get sober.

Belier

Hi and Welcome, If this is a good motivator to loose weight then go for it to start with! Reading your post had so many similarities to mine. Fast forward 5 months and I have lost around 30 pounds most came off in the first couple of months and I feel fantastic emotionally and physically.

Would be happy to talk more on PM with you also! So happy you have decided to give this a try once you get going and see the benefits you won't look back. I havent!

Fandy

welcome Coco!!! I could have written your starting post almost verbatum.

there is an older thread called "PhysicalVanity" in newcomers, I will bump it up for you...I started it when I was on day 3 or 4 last year.

You are correct on the weight thing....I figured out that I was consuming about 2000 empty sugar caloriesfrom wine every day...that is 14,000 per WEEK.

congrats on your 3 or 4 days now!

Coconut61

Thank you so much everyone! It is good to know I am not alone :-D I am headed to a family event this weekend where everyone is going to be drinking. I am not so worried about my own ability to avoid temptation, but rather family pressure. Like my family saying that i am drawing attention to myself by being the only one not drinking the champagne toast. I can just imagine my family saying, "Ok, I know you are trying to lose weight, but you can have one glass!" How little some people can understand. I don't want to draw attention to myself by making drinking an issue, but I also don't want that glass!

There are reasons i cant be honest with my family about this right now. They have way too much else to worry about...financial issues and terminal illness in a family friend. I am kind of alone in my struggle to get sober, which is the hardest part. I will update when I can. Have a great weekend, everyone!

yeahgr8

Its not that simple at all and i went through exactly the same thing...look at your post you have identified feelings of loneliness, i imagine feeling different, difficulty in socialising etc and that is why you sought solice in alcohol which, like me, "solved" the problem for a while then turned into a nightmare...

So when you put the drink down now what are you left with? Well obviously, as above, feelings of loneliness, i imagine feeling different, difficulty in socialising etc...that makes sense yes?

Same as me, i got to 6 months a few times then back to drinking...why? Because i needed to medicate the feelings of loneliness, i imagine feeling different, difficulty in socialising etc...how did i get to 6 months? By isolating and turning my focus and attention to whatever was on the horizon, e.g. work, new relationship, new hobby etc but, as with the alcohol, what started off as my reason to not drink soon became my reason to drink...

Until i was willing to do some actual work, for me in AA, which involved real work (by real work i do not mean group therapy or coming just to SR) then i wasn't going to really change, i know that sounds obvious, as a person...

The work required involved a honest look at myself under the guidance of someone who had successfully done the same, an appraisal of my motivation/self and then action in clearing up the past and setting out on a new path of self discovery as a new person...

I hope this helps you to identify why your way isn't working:-)

erikm02

Good luck with the social gathering with your family. I bet those are the toughest, if you feel the urge to drink is bad enough be sure to either take a break from everything or even leave.

It sounds like there is a lot going on in your family, but you truly have to try to focus on getting sober

I'm also excited to see how much more in shape I'll be after this. No hungover urges for greasy junk food and sleeping my day away lol

Coconut61

yeahg8...i appreciate your concern, but i feel your post was a bit condescending. everyone has their own process and everyone has to start somewhere. i never said it was "simple" i was just expressing where i am at right now. i guess my bottom was realizing how unhealthy i am and that i will NEVER get what i want if i keep going on as i have been for the past 5-7 years. that is huge for me.

I also believe that AA could benefit me tremendously...as long as people are open-minded and patient. I feel that as long as I am not drinking, i can take the self-examination piece at a pace that works for me. pressure to delve into the darkest parts of my soul immediately sets up and expectation and therefore the potential for failure. i dont need that stress as i struggle to stay sober one day at a time during the first couple of weeks. so yes, i will start AA when I get back from my trip and will certainly let you know how it goes. if it will lead me to a more fulfilling life i will embrace it completely.

Fandy

You do what works beswt for you and find your own way...many people go for the AA route to stay sober and some of us use other methods...there is no right way to be sober and happy.

Like you said, you have started...and there is a learning curve....for me, SR is like therapy, i have rec'd wonderful support and conversation from everyone here....and learned a lot both from people I agree with and those I do not.

You might want to check out the gratitude threads, one of my most important tools every day.

Fandy

regarding the family function and not drinking....you can always say something regarding health issues/meds. if you do not want to discuss why you are not indulging.

maybe bring a bottle of sparkling water with you...?

LaFemme

Hi and welcome!

I also can't share my sobriety with my family for reasons too long to go into here. I am 10+ months happy and sober so you can do it without family I think Fandy is right though...best to use some made up excuses not to drink if your family is going to pressure you.

I think its great to see you here at is what appears to be your start of your journey...I only found SR äfter 5 years. I look forward to seeing you around

Coconut61

Thanks so much everyone! Well I put my foot down and told my family that i hadnt had a drink for a while and felt so much better (true) and that i would not be having any alcohol this weekend. at first they were like "you are not going to have a champagne toast?!?!" and i just said that i had come so far and didnt want to put alcohol in my body. they left me alone.

so here i sit on day 4, about to be day 5. i turned down an invitation to go with my family to this big dancing party tonight where everyone was going to "get smashed." told them i am jetlagged and need to sleep (also true). there are about 15 bottles of wine in the hotel rooms where we are staying, and i was tempted by them since i am the only one here in the room while they are at the party. im in a bit of pain over a confusing relationship - its been on my (sober) mind all day long. the thought of drinking some of that wine, watching and movie, and forgetting about the painful emotions was very appealing. but then i thought about how i would feel tomorrow and how miserable this vacation would be hungover.

I also reminded myself that i am staying sober to try to get healthier. i was reading a post on SR today about a guy who was at the end of his alcoholismwhen he wrote two years ago - coughing up blood and pancreatitis, month in the hospital, liver damage. he went back to drinking and his last post was in 2008. someone commented that because he hasnt posted, and the shape he was in the last time he wrote, he has probably died since then...if you want to read it, the title of the post is: "up to 45+ beers per day." i hope this person is alive and well. but i NEVER want to end up in the shape he was in. i need to fight for my life starting now. the emotional pain i am feeling is easier than the alternative that comes from drinking.

THANK YOU FOR READING.