shantra32

My boyfriend's father is dying; he was diagnosed with Parkinson's at 38 and cancer 6 months ago. He is only 56 years old. He went to sleep three days ago and has barely woken since. The family has been told that he only has a couple of days left. And last night, I felt a WAVE of a craving.......I'm not afraid I will buckle because I always think things through now but it made me very uncomfortable. I didn't like it at all. I haven't craved much because things have been great. Since I have been sober,my health has improved, I have lost weight, my energy level is awesome, my depression and anxiety have diminished and I have even started working towards my goals of having my own business. But yesterday, I felt this horrible crushing feeling of "I need a drink."...I really didn't like that feeling at all. And I know some people here will say I'm writing because I think I will drink but that's not the case at all. I just feel the need to write sometimes when things get a little overwhelming. It's just sad is all.......I'm 139 days sober and thankful to be here. Thanks for listening

loveon2legs

((Big Hugs Shantra))
And so proud of you for staying strong...It shows that you have come along way...and know that drinking will not make this sad situation any better....that's awesome..really awesome...I have faced situations like this during the course of my recovery too....it's life isn't it...and we have had to learn that alcohol is not our friend and we can't turn to it for our comfort...it's such a tough one, but at the same time builds such confidence,strength, and courage...
Wishing you some peace Shantra during this emotional time.... xo

BHF

First, I am sorry to hear about your BF's father. I understand your need to get these feelings out. Terrible things happen in life, sober or drunk. It seems to me that it was just that much easier to ignore them when I was drinking...although it eventually made the situation worse. At least you can be of support to your BF at this time since your sober.

My only advice as to your situation is don't underestimate the power of those "cravings". With 139 days, you've probably got a good foundation, but be careful. Anytime that I have felt that I had this thing (alcoholism) under control, is when I've been the most vulnerable to jump back in it.

artsoul

So sorry to hear about your bf's father. The next days are going to be difficult and it's perfectly normal for us to get the urge to drink. I hate those cravings, too As you said, they are really uncomfortable.

Remember to take things as they come, one day or one minute at a time. One foot in front of the other. You'll get through this. I'm sure your bf is grateful to have you for support and is glad you're sober. Thoughts and prayers going out to you both.....:ghug3

Bikeguy

I'm sorry about the situation you are in I'm sure it's extremely difficult but just remember drinking will only compound the problem. Your family needs you to be there with a clear head, stay strong, you can get through this.

Brucel

Two prayers went thru my head when I read your post. One was for your bf and his father, the other was for you. It's those feelings that overwelm us. Helplessness, Powerlessness, Anxiety, ect. Fear knocked on the door, faith answered, and no one was there. For me, without being able to reach out for help from a power Greater than myself, I'm in trouble. I drew that line in the sand awhile ago, and with His help and the help of people in AA and you kind folk, I havent had to cross it. No matter what the circumstances. You can too!

shantra32

I totally get that anyone can slip in a blink of an eye. I hope I didn't sound too sure of myself when I said " I'm not afraid I will buckle." I know how it works......I fell of the wagon after two years sober eleven years ago. I do not want to drink. It doesn't help anything and in the end, you still have the same problems and a b&%$h of a hangover. I just found the feeling very yucky.......it made me feel very uncomfortable. It felt wrong.

CarolD

Prayers help me immensley in all situations.....they keep me in emotional
balance and in serenity....

sorry to know of this sad situation..death is a part of life but it's diffuclt to have others leave.