mm222

I have endless triggers, and am only newly sober, but this latest one has been especially tough for me. My mom lives with our family and just redesigned our deck area so it looks to me like a "party zone"-cabana, lights, fire pit, etc. It's nice, but it stresses me out. No one else in my house drinks much at all, but they all want to just hang out there all the time and my brain screams at me "what's the point if we're not getting loaded!!" I know that's such an example of my messed up brain, but it makes me so frustrated that they pressure me when I really try to express how complicated it is for me. My mom also chain smokes out there, and again I know her issues are her issues and mine are mine, but it irritates me that she can kill herself with cigs and not feel any remorse and I have to take responsibility for my life and health and stay sober.

At the same time, I'm so grateful I have been given that insight/maturity/grace or whatever it is that she lacks...but I also hate how my feelings about her and my husband, who has his own issues he has no intention of dealing with, have changed since getting sober.

AHHH...this stuff is all so hard! Thanks for letting me whine.

WritingFromLife

I totally get the whole deck thing. I've been sober 13 months and I STILL get quick triggers when I go out to my pool. They pass quickly, luckily....but i can sooo relate to what you are saying.

SparklingSeven

Ahhh.... I know EXACTLY what you mean. That sounds like my kinda place (at one time). Thing is you will either drink - or you won't, regardless of what's going on around you. That said it could be problamatic earlier on in sobriety - for me anyway.

Why don't you drink whatever everyone else is when they are NOT gettiing loaded?

eaglette

I hear what you're saying, mm. I went to a bonfire the other week which my BF's younger sister was holding with all of her friends. No one was toking up, and the few who had alcohol drank discreetly out of cups disguised as soda and iced tea. BF and I both felt strange chilling in front of the fire, completely sober and hanging out with a bunch of other sober people. We are so used to our friends drinking beer and passing bowls around the fire. At first it was a major trigger, and I found myself feeling awkward and out of place. But as I relaxed into the evening, I found that I had a great time anyway, and the joy of the bonfire was the realest thing I have encountered...BF ended up playing his banjo with me singing beside him as background for the younger ones. It's an adjustment, but after a while the simple pleasures come back.

omegasupreme

My experience proved time and time again that I could not avoid triggers all day. First, that was not a healthy life, second, I was not very good at it. In the end, I found something way more solid to stand on...or behind rather...that Power I found via the 12 steps of Alcoholic's Anonymous. We would love to have you at our next meeting.

Mark75

yea... I get it too, I can't speak for everyone, but I guess most of us know exactly what you mean.

Change the reason you go out there, to the deck... Go there to visit with your family... do it over and over... and soon it will feel more natural...

We have a place sort of like that... adirondak chairs, candles, music... a place I always went to get all relaxed ... I just took some practice and willingness, willingness to get out of my head and lose the self pity... It wasn't pretty at first, but now, well, it's fine... but I have to be there to visit with whomever.

lauderdude

I am on day #5 after a brief relapse. I am due to receive $1000 in a few hours. Talk about a trigger. I just continually remind myself that using is not an option. The consequences suck. I have choices today. No trigger can make me go out unless I mentally obsess over it. Stay strong and remember your committment to your recovery!!

erikm02

Tell her not to redesign it? Either that or kick her out

Kjell

Hi mm222-

Keep working on your sobriety and soon enough it'll look like a normal deck b/c your thoughts will be normal.

Change you and you'll change your world too.

Kjell~

CarolD

Keep in focus...remember why you want to be healthy and enjoy life..

Begin a new habit....
I'd get a special fancy new glass...for Pink Lemonade ..only to be used when deck sitting.
welcome...