I lost my Father last year, but a beer.

Old 05-12-2011, 07:30 AM
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I lost my Father last year, but a beer.

A very strange thread title I'm sure, but I really wanted too share this.

I lost my father last year very suddenly, we were all very distraught, it was not due to an alcohol related disease though. I loved him, he was a great man and wish he was still here physically, but I know he lives on in my heart.

He was in his early sixties, still worked hard, and was in fantastic shape, the man had six pack abs! He a great inspiration to me, and me and him always used to share beers together. He drank a lot, but could go from 7 days straight, to nothing for a month, I never understood how he did it.

He bought a 30 pack 3 days before he was in the hospital, and we were having some together like we usually did, there we about 14 left in the case, and a few days later he went to the hospital, and 2 days later he was suddenly gone. A healthy man, the greatest man I ever knew, gone, in an instant.

I was distraught, and didn't know how to cope. I was going through drink like no tomorrow. I found the case with 14 in them and drank 13 of them. I could bring myself to drink that last beer that was from the case that me and him shared together, and I still have it to this day, I quit but eventually relapsed, and whenever I ran out on a certain night, I'd look at that beer, but could not bring myself to drink it, no matter what.

I still have it, sitting in my computer desk drawer where I do my work from home, and look at it from time to time when I need encouragement NOT too drink. Go figure, I look at beer to not want a beer? But it makes me realize that he's watching down on me and saying "Don't do it son, the world took me early, and if you continue your destruction patterns, it will take you as well".

I think it's great if we can all an item that we can look at or hold to remind ourselves that life is better with sobriety, I understand that it is extremely unorthodox that my item is my addiction itself, but whatever works, right? Sorry for rambling, I just really felt the urge to share this.
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Old 05-12-2011, 07:44 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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I'm sorry your Dad left the planet so early...
I too have reminders from loved ones now not present.

Hope you are staying on track with your sober journey
Welcome to our recovery community....
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Old 05-12-2011, 08:07 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss of your father. I cannot imagine the day when my mother passes away, she is my best friend and an amazing woman.

The best thing you can do to honor his memory is to stay true to your recovery and make him proud

Anyway, thank you for sharinig Arc.

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Old 05-12-2011, 08:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Arc View Post
"Don't do it son, the world took me early, and if you continue your destruction patterns, it will take you as well".
My mother died an active alcoholic in '99 and I didn't recognize it until I had been sober for months that much of what I instictively did when I finally decided to get sober was the opposite of what she did after we intervened on her (twice). I didn't isolate, I didn't make my sobriety a dirty secret that couldn't be shared, I accepted that I and I alone was responsible for my predicament, I went to meetings even when I didn't want to, etc.

Keeping an old beer as a keepsake is a little odd, but hey, whatever works. Peace, Arc. It's all about learning, and the lessons we keep closest to our hearts are the ones that broke them the most.
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Old 05-12-2011, 08:54 AM
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Thanks for sharing that Eddie. I've shared with my family and closest of friends about my journeys of recovery, it was hard at first, but got easier each day.

Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle View Post
Keeping an old beer as a keepsake is a little odd, but hey, whatever works.
I of course have a mantle here at home with pictures of me and him and a carved out wooden display with an American Flag in it which houses his ashes. He didn't want to see me suffer through withdrawals I guess, it was known I had a problem, but something inside me just looks at that old beer and realize he was just trying to help me (much longer story).

And now that old beer does help me, because I've come to realize I'm better off when I face my demons head on, I don't try to hide from them anymore.

Thank you all for your input and kind words.
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Old 05-12-2011, 11:05 AM
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I'm sorry for your loss, my father passed away a few years ago as well.

There is some irony in that a can of beer is the keep sake you hold, however I get it and can see where you are coming from on that one. Thank you for sharing.
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Old 05-12-2011, 11:24 AM
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So sorry to read about the loss of your father, Arc. He sounded a very wise and genteel guy, and would be very proud of your 16 days. Keep at it in his memory, it's a great place to be.

I totally get the beer can! I have saved the last (empty) wine bottle - the one that nearly killed me. I have it in my bedroom where I can see it every morning to remind myself it's the one that could have ended my life, and that's it's the LAST bottle of wine I ever bought for myself. Inside it I post a short daily note of gratitude for my sobriety before I go to bed. It now has 22 notes inside..with a 23rd going in tonight.
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Old 05-12-2011, 12:03 PM
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Trudging that road.
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Arc I lost my mom in 09 and when I went through her closet I found a bottle of scotch now she had been sober 28 years so I was a tad freaked out by it. So I asked my dad what the heck is this dad, he said pretty much what you said it was there to remind her what she didn't want to go back to.

Now no way could I ever trust myself enough to do that and I have several years but that's just me.

Newwings keep those notes up it will get easier.
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Old 05-12-2011, 12:27 PM
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i've done my almost
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Hi Arc-

What an amazing story and thanks for sharing that with us.

My father (actually step father, but was a father to me) died when I was 2 months sober from a long and painful battle with prostate cancer. He was only 54.

We can stay sober no matter what, can't we? Our way to honor our father's memories is to stay sober and help others.

Keep up the good work.

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Old 05-14-2011, 07:47 AM
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Thank you everyone for your touching stories and kind words, it's so incredibly hard to lose a loved one, and deal with pain afterwords, and so easy to just go back to what we know can numb that pain temporarily.

I have a picture of my father, brother and I with our arms around eachother shoulders and I know he'd be proud knowing I've kicked the garbage.

I am so glad I've found SR, it really helps reading everyone's comments, you guys are great!
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