milwaukeeguy85

In all honesty drinking is the only thing I cared about for a long time. the night life is all I lived for.

As I posted on here last week I had a major relapse last weekend. I will not get in to details but that most recent failure really got me thinking Why do I drink? I have some issues in my upbringing that have definitely warped my perception of the world, and was a bridge to the beginning of my problem. But as I have gotten older I have only gotten worse.

my goal is to be a sober happy person. but I am having some major difficulty with one thing and that is caring again. Drinking left me so numb and was my life for so long that I literally care about nothing. I dont enjoy video games anymore, reading isn't fun, and i used to be quite the guitar player before numerous run ins with fellow band members (when we were drinking of course) would manifest itself in physical violence. To be honest sex doesn't even interest me anymore (and if you had read any of my previous posts that was one of my biggest worries about recovery).

It is like no activities even interest me, and I can't follow the old advice of "do what you love" to not drink. Its like it finally gets to a point and I say screw it, I don't enjoy life sober anymore than I enjoyed it drunk and then we are back to square one with worse withdrawals and even less dignity.

is this something that alcohol could have altered in my mindset or is this just something wrong with me inherently. I love the feeling of waking up sober, refreshed, and ready to go. But its like What am i even waking up for? I realize i probably sound like a Dry drunk and if that is the case please let me know. I am not bitter about life, or not partaking in the nightlife, I am just completely apathetic towards everything now. Maybe its depression who knows.

Veritas1

I guess the question I would ask myself is "Do I want to continue to be this way, or do I wish to change?"

I had someone say to me, "You don't have to want what we have, you have to not want what you have."

You recognize things about yourself that it seems you wish to change.

So now it comes down to willingness, even if you don't "feel" willing, or "feel" like caring.

It comes down to action. Taking action.

Doing something different than we have always done.

What can you think of to do that would be different that might improve your life? That might create change, and lead to a new way of caring about your life, and the world around you?

You may want to follow others lead at this point if you cannot seem to find it within.

Check out your local AA fellowship. Here are folks that have been where you are, and have changed, and found a new way of living.

They care, and can help you find a new path.

Best wishes.

artsoul

Hi mg - I had a huge lack of motivation for a couple months after getting sober. But I also have had issues with depression off and on most of my life. Have you ever thought about getting assessed or seeing a psychiatrist? Lack of interest in anything is a classic sign of depression.

Alcohol does change the brain chemistry (it releases dopamine, which is our natural "feel good" chemical, and after a while the brain stops releasing it on its own, so it takes time to reset). I've read where it can take a year or even two for some of the damage to be reversed.

It was better for me to get help (at least temporarily) from an prescribed anti-depressant than to keep drinking. I feel for you and hope things improve soon.

CarolD

You have not stayed sober long enough to reap the benefits ..IMO

Try doing some volunteer work.. ..go help in a soup kitchen,,the
Red Cross ...a free clinic...your local animal shelter.

Becoming a contributing member of society is part of my recovery.....

You could also stay committed to AA...do your Steps...help a newer member.