ConcernedM

Hello Fellow Sober Recovery.Com Members,

The reason that I am writing this is because I feel a need to vent. My ex-boyfriend has been an alcoholic for over ten years. When I met him he was going to AA and managed to get 11 months of Sobriety under his belt. Then, after we had our daughter, he went back to drinking.

He has been going to AA for ten years, he said, and yet he still continues to drink. It seems to me like he uses AA as a revolving door, a crutch, or abuses that too. He knows that Alcoholism is a disease (there is no denial about that), but still wants to drink, because he is an "addict". He just "has bad habits". I feel that there is a thin line between a "DISEASE" (which is a health issue) and an "ADDICTION". Sometimes I just get confused and wonder if being an Alcoholic is also an IDENTITY.

I just don't understand how he can talk to other people over the phone about abstaining from Alcohol, and then drink himself. He tells me that I will NEVER figure him out.

Also, how can someone go to AA for TEN years, and still drink? "Maintenance is good," he often says. He'll stop drinking for a while and then start up again. It just baffles my mind.

I have been to so many AA meetings and there are OLD TIMERS who have been SOBER from 5-20 years, but he can't do it or he won't. But my main issue is how can somebody go to AA for over ten years and use it for MAINTENANCE instead of quitting drinking completely?

laurie6781

First Welcome to SR. You have found a great site with lots of experience, strength and hope.

There is no answer to your question other than he is not ready to totally commit himself to a sober life.

I would like to suggest that you check out our Friends and Family of Alocholics forum:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Lots of folks on that forum have been where you are now or are where you are now.

Your boyfriend is Quacking and is not being true to himself so cannot be true to anyone or anything else.

He's just not ready.

Hope to see you on our F&F forum!

Love and hugs,

MrDavid

I agree...AA is not a maintenance program, but a program that promotes abstinence. We'll pray for his recovery and your well being too.

ConcernedM

Thank you laurie6781. I forgot that in AA they say that in order to stop drinking you have to be RIGOROUSLY honest with yourself. Best to you and thank you for taking the time to answer this question.