OklaBH

My therapist said "the further away you are from your last drink the closer you are to your next" That was a lot to think about. Im getting complacent and I know that leads to relapse. Recently my Friday night AA meeting has been irritating me. I love my Saturday meeting and never miss it. I recently let my sponsor go. I need to get a firmer program.

So my question...where do you feel you get the best support? AA, SR, therapy, church? For me right now it is SR. My Friday night AA group frowns upon it. I say whatever works!

least

I am quite content with the support I get from my counselor and SR.

KarenElaine

Right now, my best support is definitely SR. I go to AA every day, but the people just ignore me like I'm invisible. It's partly my own fault, I am very shy around them and have a very hard time asking them for help or walking up and talking to them. But I've been reading the big book and have been in AA before, and I know that they are supposed to reach out to the newcomers. One good thing about it is that I have had to learn to rely heavily on my Higher Power. I have a little bit of a resentment building toward these people, and I know that is the worst thing I could do, is let the resentment build. I read last night in the big book that I should think of them as sick people and not blame them, remember that they can't help their failings, and think of how I can help them. I'm going to think of it that way, lean on God and be very grateful that I have SR to come to every day to share my feelings, my recovery 'news' and to read about other's experience, strength and hope.

SSIL75

That is such crap, IMO. Have you looked into Rational Recovery at all? It's a real change from all that.

All my 'formal' support comes from SR. My sobriety does not feel flimsy at all.

OklaBH

Rational recovery? No ive never heard of it. I will look at it right now! Thank you!

aasharon90

Remember that this is your recovery program. If
we went to any lengths to drink then it will take
any lengths to stay sober. I kept that thought in
my mind as a constant reminder that when I slack
off on what I need to do to stay sober then I will
surely know it and feel it.

I knew what I had to do to stay sober. It may not have
agreed with others, but then this is my recovery and not
theirs. All they can do is suggest or share their own ESH
with me.

Finding a balance and a happy medium in there for you. If
going to a quiet park alone to walk or meditate strengths
you that day then that's great. Coming here to SR is also
great and yes it is work for me. If I chose not to go to a
meeting outside then coming here I share my own ESH with
others. Sometimes I dont want to depending on how im feeling,
But since I chose to stay home, I have to do something for
my recovery, peace, freedom and happiness. And also the
big one.....being RESPONSIBLE.

So many shared their own ESH experiences, strengths and hopes
of what it was like before during and after their drinking and that
keeps me sober and alive, so I have to be responsible and return
the favor.

There will be many newcomers coming into recovery looking for hope, care, support, directions and will be looking to the older ones with a solid recovery foundation for guidance.

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic since 8-11-90.

Grateful to be alive after 20 yrs sober living a happy free life without alcohol.

You are here for me as I am here for you.

JohnBarleycorn

I might be a cynic, but I think some therapists like to keep people scared of relapse so that they "keep coming back" (and paying).

I'm not saying that you should not use support, but make sure you don't make it a requirement for staying sober. You need to be confident in your own ability to do that, or to use whatever means work for you (some use prayer, etc).

Unfortunately, for many, the following maxim holds true:
Personally, I do not rely on anyone in order to abstain. Doing so is a recipe for relapse.

OklaBH

Before I was told to get help, you can't do this alone, etc... Now people are saying rely on yourself in lieu of a support system. To much back and forth.

newwings

This really disturbs me, it's such a negative way of thinking and crushes all the self esteem you have established by taking control of your life. You should be feeling GOOD about the days you have under your belt. I find sayings like this incredibly unhelpful and gives me a flutter of anxiety, Lord knows what it can do to you in a face to face situation.

I'm glad you are recognizing that you are feeling complacent, that's a good place to start. I'm not an AA'er so I can't add to the other comments, but if it's helpful to you then step it up a bit during this time. But if you want to try another approach I'd also recommend Rational Recovery - you can get the book on Amazon. It's been incredibly helpful to me. That and SR have been instrumental to my recovery. Stick in there and remember all you have gained of late.



All the best.

SSIL75

not 'in lieu' of a support system (or at least that's not what I'm saying) but to have yourself at the core is important, I think. I know I didn't stay sober until I personally started to love sober life more than drinking life. It sounds so simple and I guess it is. But no support group could do that for me, you know? I had to build a life too precious to lose. And of course fully accept that moderation was never going to be an option.

ronf

take what works and leave the rest.

OklaBH

You are awesome nosey Ron!

Boleo

I tried the psychological tricks & tips route for years and had mixed results with it. They say there are no wrong ways to stay sober, but it sure seems like there are a lot of unreliable ways to sober.

For me, the only reliable way to stay sober is to take myself completely out of the equation via a spiritual awakening. That includes all psycho-babble as well. Anything that "I do" to stay sober, including not drinking one-day-at-a-time, has nothing to do with why I am sober today.

GettingStronger2

AA is by far the best for me. But for me, that is a lot more than attending meetings. SR is a great supplement but does not replace the program i work or the face to fact interaction with other alcoholics.

Humbled77

People are so diverse there is no way one formula could work for all. I like what Ronf said "take what works, leave the rest". Like going to the pharmacy when you have the flu.

The truth is we are all potentially 5 minutes away from being back in the bottle. Whether sober for 1 day or 10 years. How far we are mentally from the bottle is all up to us, it's in our heads. The goal is not to let alcohol or the obsession of avoidance of alcohol rule our lives, so we can really live.

For me, wife, SR, therapist, and most importantly myself. I'll ditch the therapist once I feel like her usefulness is gone.

FBL

I think we all have to find what works for us. In my case, it's been SR and some F2F support from a few friends and family members. My mental obsession with alcohol has been lifted and that's all that really matters to me.

wellwisher

New to this site and grateful for all posts made.

I've been living the program a long time. I guess the answer I'd give is that it depends on where you are in your recovery. When I first started out seventeen years ago, and after suffering two horrendous decades of active alcoholism, by the time I rolled into rehab and the rooms, I was ready, willing and able to listen to everything everyone recommended to me. Obviously, I wasn't so smart, and realized there were many who successfully achieved sobriety by following a program. I followed this program and did everything they told me to for the first year, and fortunately, no relapses. They knew better than I did.

After some time, I too encountered difficulties with sponsorship, my regular meeting group grated on my nerves, and I guess the crux of the problem was I was tired of hearing the same old, same old. It was time to change meeting places and meet others who could provide different perspective. I also found the counselors who have actually lived through the recovery process to be the BEST counselors, cause they call you on your chit, versus the book-schooled counselors. I encountered many counselors because when I first began sobriety, I went into a residential rehab setting, which seemed easier to me than walking into an AA meeting at the time, and then continued with aftercare. As you progress in recovery, stick with those who inspire you to greater heights and occasionally give you a good kick in the butt. Often a change in scenery is exactly what is needed.

Early on, I was a "slogan" repeater with doubts about my ability to become sober, but I had to believe. As my troubled belief system was replaced with a better way of thinking, things just fell into place, but I had to work it hard and listen to it even harder. Remember to "take what you like and leave the rest". It's an interesting world out there, and after a while, the open mind you approach the world with will give you rewards beyond measure. The more you work it, the greater the rewards. My life has become a far cry from where I was when I was active. Today, my joy lies in being able to help others along in the process, and in doing so, I reap many benefits. I learn so much from everyone - regardless of where they are in the process.

Do I go to meetings today? Not so much, but I have learned when I may be treading treacherous ground, and they are always there for me. I also go when I feel the need to give back.

I will never forget where I have been, understand where far too many are now, and will forever be grateful for the life skills I've learned, for the many frogs I had to kiss during the process, and for the true gems that I've found both in the program and outside of the program that I have encountered.


Keep listening. Keep working. Keep an open mind. As the days and months turn into years, you will obtain a more self-reliant sobriety built on a strong foundation. It is ever so important - that foundation -

All the best.....

FrothyJay

I'd suggest asking your therapist to get some new slogans.

The further I get away from my last drink, the further I get away from my last drink.

Living in constant fear and trepidation may be someone's idea of recovery, but it's not AA.

“Sobriety—the freedom from alcohol—through the teaching and practicing of the twelve steps is the sole purpose of an AA group.”

Reset

Mine told me the exact same thing. Maybe they learned it in the therapist academy or something.

Anyway what I took from that was that if you lose perspective of why you quit and forget about the bad that came with drinking, you could slip up and drink again.

Like the old quote "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it."

It's not like they're saying "fate dictates you will drink again, ya loser." Just be on your toes.

Humbled77

Nice post WellWisher. You have excellent perspective.