WindOfChange

This mesage got really messed up....probably-no surely because I have a buzz......I lost the first part of my post, which was suppose to state how supportive my hubby is and how he---- would take me, or go buy me more, if I'm out........so he didn't have to worry about me driving/drinking. I KNOW I'm going to get some negative responces, but that IS FINE. I deserve a good lashing.
I am so sick of this PLAGUE! Da** I want a shot of ANYTHING. No, I really want huge shot of "the cure" potion..........but that is a dream.

I guess I need to concentrate on some yummy peas and rice to go with the Pork Chops I have cooking, BUT I WANT A DRINK!


Thank you...EVERYBODY......for letting me read and learn from your posts....I just wish it would sink in for me :>(

spqr

Are you drinking right now or thinking about getting some? I'd say that concentrating on your cooking sounds like a great plan, cravings don't last forever.

Fandy

first thing is to WANT to, really want to STOP....

it is not going to be easy and depending on how much you are drinking you might need to consult with your doctor.

as for your husband going out and buying your liquor....he might be making it easier for you to drink more...perhaps if he was worried about you driving, he would just take the keys away.

artsoul

Hi and welcome back! Have you had any sober time? What about considering some additional help (treatment or an addiction counselor?).

I'm glad you're here posting again - if we can do it, you can too!

Sugah

How about you come back in the morning, sanddollar, before you've had a drink, and talk about why you want to be sober. Although most folks will tell you to post, regardless if you've had a drink, talking about it before you drink, rather than after, can be more productive.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

RyanRed

Agreed. 99% of the time I told myself I wanted to get sober was when I was intoxicated. Then the next day after the high was gone, I didnt seem to care about my feelings from the night before. But if your really serious about changing your ways this place is fantasic. Ive only been around these forums for 11 days, but let me tell what great help it has been. I do hope you stick around!

-Ryan

TheEnd

What a terrible place to be in, there is a solution if you're willing to work for it....

WindOfChange

Actually, the next morning, for me, is when I really hate myself the most, and the thought of ever drinking again is repulsive.........but it wears off during the day, and by the time my normal drinking period starts, I've completely lost all willpower. I'm surprised I haven't cracked a jawbone from the intense clenching that I can't help, all the time, but especially when I crave alcohol and can't have it.

I would like to say thank you to everyone for your support. I also want to say, in advance, that I'm unable to log on at work (I took today off) so I can't be here as much as I would like. I want to be where I can say I'm one who "got it" and be able to help others....but I'm far from that right now.

WindOfChange

There's no way I could build up the courage to walk into AA. I've talked to my dr. He sent me to 2 psychiatrists, who gave me absolutely no feedback. All I did was answer their questions, watch them write and then walk out feeling like I wanted to drink more than ever. I'm thinking a counselor might be better?

WindOfChange

[QUOTE=Fandy;2958626]first thing is to WANT to, really want to STOP....



I DOOOOO. Why is it that you can want something so badly, but still cave in?
arrrrrgh!

skg

Alcoholism is a disease. Damned if I drink, damned miserable if I don't. I'm screwed. I can't stop when I start and I can't stop thinking about starting. A physical allergy manifested by the mental obsession of craving.
If you have a sober moment, look into, "The Doctor's Opinion," in the text of Alcoholics Anonymous. Screwed. The only way out for most alcoholics seems to be jails, institutions, or death (which usually won't come soon enough, trust me). Screwed. Hopeless. Doomed.
Although.... There just might be a way, somewhat less understood, that has worked for millions of hopeless souls in the very same boat: A spiritual solution. If you want to drink, that's your business. If you want to quit and find that you are powerless over that decision, consider Alcoholics Anonymous. Maybe it could work for you.

WindOfChange

I'm seriously doomed if I have to go to AA to fight this. I'm SO afraid of group settings. Thank you for caring and responding

Sugah

Almost everyone I know was scared to death to walk into an AA meeting. At some point, drinking became more painful than the idea that I needed others to help me recover.

If you can't get online at work, how about making a post 1st thing when you get home from work? Before you pick up a drink? That's assuming you're not drinking at work yet.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

ANEWAUGUST

I don't think I have ever met anyone who wasn't scared to walk into an AA meeting.

But...the fear of what my life might become if I continued drinking was worse.

You can do this...there is a solution.

skg

Yep. I am too, but when the pain of change becomes less than the pain of continued insanity, the answers start to make sense. NOBODY stands in line outside AA meetings on a beautiful Saturday afternoon because they're curious about what they're missing. The people that go to meetings have found a solution--and they don't drink! I went for the first few times just to see how Effed-Up they really were to make sure I didn't fit.
I did. Someone said, "Just listen to see if you've got some of the same thoughts. Or you can continue to do what you're doing, getting the same results." Too simple to argue with, really.

WindOfChange

I am definetly screwed................oh why was I even born? What purpose do I serve occupying space on this planet? No.......Don't worry...not going to do anything. Just wish that would happen on its own accord.
I have a DROP DEAD gorgeous GD,super son, who has worked his ass off for a Masters, and another GC on the way. Life SHOULD be beautiful. But instead, I feel like a doomed soul----victim of fu---booze. oh, please come strike me down!
Has GOD signed up yet.? I need to send Him a personal IM!

ANEWAUGUST

Do you really think that the way you are feeling is the way your creator wants you to feel?

You have options, it takes work. We have all sat where you are sitting, it isn't nice, fairly uncomfortable, but, we have a choice.

What is your plan of recovery?

WindOfChange

I need a plan! Mine does not work! I "plan" to not drink. But that "plan" falls out the window.
Thank you for caring enough to post

skg

AA has a plan, complete with numbered (in order) steps for complificated people. It's your move now. The "Poor me, poor me, pour me another," stuff don't work with recovering alcoholics who've been where you sit now. It only works on Enablers. You have some work to do--get busy.

WindOfChange

yes....I need a big kick in the butt. And some serious work ahead. What is a typical AA meeting like? I'm SOOOO afraid, but realize that might be my only save.

Thanks for the support and sending love to each and every one of you