Fandy

how about less drama and more concentration on just staying sober for tonight?

it is a small thought, no meeting, just stay sober for today...tonight....get through the night and face tomorrow.

no wishes for self-harm, no fist-pumping to the heavens...just don't drink.

ZZworldontheweb

Sanddollar, AA meetings are very low stress. Nobody will ask you to speak if you don't want to. You don't have to identify yourself. Use as pseudonym if you want, call yourself "Betty" or something. You can just sit and listen and it's OK.

newby1961

Very well said Fandy

sanddollar, you sound just like I was awhile back when people were giving me all these suggestions but I had a variety of reasons why I couldn't do it.

Wishing ones self sober never worked for me.

Alcohol kicked my a** so I got to the point that if they told me to push a frozen pea down the street on my hands & knees I would have done it even though it sounded like a stupid thing to do.

The point is my best attempt to get and stay sober wasn't working so I had to listen to someone else.

In AA you are going to find a variety of people whose same goal is just like yours to stop dying from booze.

I have no doubt if I had continued I would probably be dead by now or I would have lost everything that was so near and dear to me like my family because eventually they do get sick of alcoholic behavior.

The good news is you found SR and you are reaching out, I do however think its better to do it when one is sober, but as they say in AA keep coming back. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

skg

You don't need to say a word, SandDollar, just go. So many that just want to love you until you can love yourself. Let 'em help. Go. Listen. Don't drink.

MsCooterBrown

You could pump your fist in the air with full drama one more time..it will be your last war cry before you surrender! I hope you can find some inner strength as well as support..you will feel so much better once you quit.

artsoul

Just wanted to welcome you, sanddollar.... You're not alone - we can all relate to the inability to stop drinking. I used to make the "morning promise" too, only to find myself hours later in the car, on the way to get my bottle of wine. As they say in AA, this disease is "cunning, baffling and powerful."

Try to take it one day at a time or an hour at a time. Keep reading and posting. By the way, you're not doomed if you don't go to AA. There are quite a few here who use this forum along with others programs or counselors, etc.

Also, if you choose to get sober, you may find that your anxiety will decrease quite a bit. The first few days I was glued to this place and couldn't have gone anywhere really..... But within a short time I felt stronger and more positive. So, you can always go to a meeting when you feel better......

The idea of quitting is terrifying, but it's the best thing you'll ever do. I think you can tell from most of the posts here that it's certainly not something you would regret doing......

BobGT

Hey sanddollar! There are online AA meetings for those people who can't attend the FTF meetings. Here is a link.

AAOnline.net--Realtime Open AA Meetings on the Internet

I'm not an AA regular, but I have attended both types of meetings. I like the in-person meetings better, and yes, I was terrified before my first meeting. But people there were friendly and encouraging, and I found that there was no real reason for my reluctance to walk through the door.

I hope you find what you need to stop drinking. Best wishes.

WindOfChange

Ouch! The truth hurts sometimes.....but I needed that. No more drama.

There is no alcohol in the house, and I'm going to go buy my Mom a Mothers Day present and stay away from the liquor store.

My almost 4 yr old GD told me the other day.."my mommy says I'm a DWAMA Queen" I guess she gets it honest!

Thank you all for your honest replies. Yes. I have to get to work. One moment at a time.

CarolD

Quitting was the wisest move I ever made...an added benefit
was becoming a better woman..mother..and G mother ....

This can be true for you as well...

WindOfChange

Thank you Carol D. I just returned from shopping....made it through the grocery store without stopping at the wine isle. I'm babysitting my granddaughter tonight so I will be eating ice cream and coloring princesses instead of drinking. I have a feeling this is going to be much more fun.

After reading all of the replys to my post, I realized that I wanted a simple miracle, but that's not going to happen until I start to do my part.

I bought a bunch of different juices and some vitamin water....yay!

ChrissieB

Hi Sandollar, AA is helping me and I don't go to a group....
hopefully you have a smart phone mine is an iphone, there is an app call AA To Go! here in UK it costs £2.99 not too sure what it is in other locations. It is wonderful, fantastic, amazing and truly life changing, and it works, basically it is alcoholics speaking to alcoholics and of course so much more.. that I can't even begin to put into words.(A good tip the older date downloads are difficult to hear because of background noises The ones from 1980's 1990's and the good old 2000's are the best. The talk from Barney M from Alderson Feb 16 2002 is a must!!
Another app that is truly wonderful is joe and charlie which is two AA members explaining everything about the history of AA.
A hypnosis app called quit drinking is also helping, I haven't had a drink since 1st of May 2011.
You truly can overcome this... please keep believing.
If you believe in God ask for his help, alcohol is now a thing in your life that you are powerless to control a Higher Power will provide the solution.

WindOfChange

Thank you so much! I do have an iphone, so I will definitely check those out!
And congratulations on your progress!

Image101

Hi sanddollar! I'm really glad you've decided to post here and take steps towards sobriety. I just wanted to add my experience with AA, because I was terrified to go to my first meeting (I am quite asocial and HATE group settings).
It's VERY laid back, as others have stated. You can honestly go in and not say a WORD the entire time; no one will talk to you and no one will make you talk if you don't want to. It certainly won't hurt! Show up late and leave early if you want; whatever makes you comfortable. No one will judge you. All have been in your exact same position before.

Lipitor

I have been where you are less than 48 hours ago.

I started drinking again because of an unpleasant external issue.

Since then, I have learned that nothing , nothing at all is more important than maintaining my life and my self respect.

I feel like any little bit of dignity I had is now washed down the toilet.

Untrue.

The sinister part of my last set back is, and I can see it a little more clearly today, the irrational thoughts,

Alcohol disturbs my normal thinking, It is a brilliantly evil confuser of the mind.

Stay on the forum, It is helping me greatly .

It , Im sure, will help you too.

Many people here have a wealth of experience . I am learning that .

L

Lipitor

Perhaps it is time for ME to give aa another try.

Thanks for this post

L

MrDavid

We're glad you're okay. Keep connected.

Sidney14

Are you suffering from withdrawals is that why you so desperately need or want a drink to stop feeling so bad?? That was always my reason to stop the withdrawals from kicking in. I could and have never been able to withdraw without checking myself into a detox or rehab even if just for a few days, I needed the caring environment to help me through to not pick up again,....like to break the cycle. I get that your partner is supportive that he rather has you drinking at home so buys you the liquor but that is also called enabeling which means he is not doing you any favours and just feeding the disease..........

WindOfChange

Sidney,
I don't know if it's withdrawals or just plain anxiousness of not being able to feed the craving (if that makes sense). I'm only on day 3 and my "caring environment" has been this forum, and my husband. A lot of people would agree (with you) that he's being an enabler, but the truth is, he promised me when I first told him that I was going to try to quit, that if I got desperate, he would get me some. Sounds counterproductive, but by making this agreement, I don't feel like I need to "stock up", which actually meant more days of less booze (on the days I didn't get desperate). If it were already in the house, I would drink it....and he knows only I can quit it for myself, in the end.

This is my third night so far, and I normally would already be three sheets in the wind, having accomplished no more than cooking dinner. Tonight....I cooked dinner, cleaned up the mess and on my third load of laundry...and stopping once in a while to check in on here and post. It's a great feeling and I'm really going to work hard to keep it up. Right before posting this my husband came in and said, "I'm proud of you". He's incredible and I'm lucky as hell to still have him. We've been together 27 yrs (high school sweethearts)

I'm sure others who are much farther along than I am could give better advise, but the best advise I've gotten on this forum, was a big kick in the butt reminding me that I DO have to work for it. I always wanted a magical, instant miracle. I didn't become an alcoholic overnight, so what in the world made me think I could change overnight without some work? That was a reality check for me!

lkc2010

Hey Sanddollar. AA meetings aren't scary. I was apprehensive the first time I went and it wasn't scary but super helpful. Not drinking is hard. The AA meetings are very helpful. There are people in the rooms that are JUST LIKE YOU and want to help you.

The one thing I found though is finding the right meetings. Not all meetings are the same. It took me a little while to find meetings that suited me but once I did it was great.

I highly encourage you to go!!

Eddiebuckle

Sanddollar, you nailed it. I waited a long time thinking that I was in some kind of prologue to my real life, expecting some divine intervention to change my life. In a way, it did, but only after I was willing to do whatever was neccessary to get sober.