Backwards question...

Old 05-03-2011, 09:04 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 103
thanks everyone for your replies... they're all very helpful to me in sorting out my own thoughts.

Doggonecarl- I am not trying to convince him of anything anymore. That's why I left. I learned it won't work. I learned its not my place. I learned its not fair. I learned and accept that he's entitled to live the life of his choice. But IMO- if I am still considering having a future with him (as of TODAY), which he says he wants a future with me... don't you think its fair that I know the answers to some of these questions? If he's not willing to answer the questions, well that says a lot in itself.

Artsoul- He had quit for that initial 2 months when I gave him the letter, but then after I realized how in denial he was, I told him he could start drinking again if he wanted to, that it was his choice. Then I upped the ante in alanon, got a sponsor, and eventually (last weekend) told him I needed space to get some clarity on the situation and left to stay at my mom's. In that time, I talked to my sponsor and she thought it was only fair to hear the answers to some of these questions, because I suppose based on what I told her, it sounded to her like he was putting all of the responsibility of the relationship working on me, and after all the work ive been doing, she didn't think it was fair for me to accept 100% of the responsibility if the relationship doesn't work. I agreed. that's what brought me to thinking about these questions.

And the drinking aside, yes, i do trust him completely. He doesn't hide things from me that I'm aware of, and he is actually honest to a fault in my opinion. But no, I guess that doesn't really influence things, except that I felt he would probably answer these questions honestly and then I would know his answers to the questions. Thats all!
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