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please grant me the serenity

Old 05-02-2011, 10:59 AM
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please grant me the serenity

here go again. It's been 8 or 9 months since I drank. Most of the year I don't drink. It always happens, something happens and I get a load of stress and I get a 1000 bricks on my chest.

Today, I know exactly when I was hit, I said something then it happened.

I ****** serious, my chest hurts. Then for about a month or 2 I start drinking right after work and from the time I get up on weekends until the time I go to be. And my life becomes unmanageable. Heck I even move out of my home. Then a between $1000 and $2000 later something happens and all of a sudden I my life is back in control.

btw, going to the gym and running does not help. Drinking until I can't walk for a month seems to be what helps. I drink so much that I don't the ability to be stressed.

I know they say problems don't go away just because you drink. But that does not apply to %100 of the people. Because I know exactly what I am stressed about and please believe me when I say it's stuff that is nothing. I mean nothing.

Seriously, the trigger this time is that I said something that might or might not be true. That's all.

When I take that first drink the bricks are lifted and they do not comeback because I don't stop drinking. Then one day all of a sudan and just like that I have control over my life again.
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Old 05-02-2011, 11:15 AM
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Please forgive me, I am not making much sense of your post. I apologize but wish I had something to offer you. I am hoping someone else here has some insights. Seems like you are in pain.

Take care.
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Old 05-03-2011, 03:42 PM
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Hang in there.
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Old 05-04-2011, 02:24 AM
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What other things help with stress? There have to be better ways than drinking. Therapy/counseling, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction classes, being in nature, etc.? (that is what helps me)

As hard as the stress is, it will lessen with time (even without alcohol involved).

There's a good book- "When Panic Attacks"

I hope you feel better soon.
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Old 05-04-2011, 04:41 AM
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Drinking until I can't walk for a month seems to be what helps. I drink so much that I don't the ability to be stressed.
The trouble is, you keep drinking like that and you'll bring more things that need to be cleaned up, and more stress into your life...and the drink binges will come more and more regularly.

It happened to me.

I used to say stress was my problem but it was really just a handy hook to hang my alcoholism on - I really didn't need a reason.

If you're convinced stress is your problem though, see your Dr - see a psychologist.
Do anything and everything but drinking on it.

D
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Old 05-04-2011, 05:23 AM
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There's really nothing to clean up after the binge I don't do really anything wrong. I just get really really drunk to the point where I can not walk. So I don't get in to too much trouble. When I'm done the bricks off of my chest are lifted for the next few months. Like I said before my stress is not real.

Today I feel good. I didn't drink and there is no doubt in my mind that I am learning to deal with stress. It's been almost 7 months since I drank and that is the 2nd longest I went without a drink.

I did some stress management stuff and I do feel a lot better, but I hope it does not come back.

As far as other things go, I was thinking of yoga or acupuncture. I don't know but I am going to keep looking for other ways to keep the bricks off my chest
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Old 05-05-2011, 10:33 AM
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Congrats on almost 7 months without drinking. That is a huge accomplishment.

I can identify with not having much to clean up after a binge. I tend not to cause too much wreckage. Yet- I also know that could change and accidents happen more easily when drunk. (It also takes a toll on my body. I just don't feel well when drinking a lot.) But I understand that not having wreckage, in some ways, makes rationalizing the next binge easier (although I think the shame, guilt, etc from wreckage could also be used to rationalize drinking).

Yoga and acupuncture are great stress relievers. I stick with yoga because I am crazy-afraid of needles. But I have tried it and it was helpful. I have a friend who enters into bliss during acupuncture. Well worth trying.

I really hope you feel better soon.
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Old 05-05-2011, 07:53 PM
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"There's really nothing to clean up after the binge I don't do really anything wrong. I just get really really drunk to the point where I can not walk."

I didn't think there was any other way to drink! I gotta tell you..Even if you grab your drink of choice and drink at home bad things can happen. I bounced off the walls on the way to my bedroom...hit the bed at an angle and landed hard. I hit my head on an end table and passed out. I had quite a bruise right by my temple..I think if you hit your temple in just the right place you can be instantly dead. I have also damn near cut the tip of my finger off. That was after deciding to make a 6 course meal at 2AM. It was one of those nights where they close the bar..kick everyone out..and I was going to do breakfast for everyone. The cut was substantial..they wanted to take me to the ER but I knew as drunk as I was they would end up tossing me in the drunk tank. I don't even know what the drunk tank is but I didn't want to go there. I still have the scar from that. Won't go into all the other horror stories..but besides the physical injuries..you have to think of your liver. Glad you are on a sober run but I really hope you find other coping skills..we can use any internal dialogue we want to justify drinking - I hope you find a new script!
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