Kadybug

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.

It is unfortunate that it takes something as extreme as getting violent with someone you love, and having them leave, to get us to that point - but it happens. It happens a lot, just like wrecking a car, going to jail, losing a job, breaking some bones ... having a good friend die. It does seem like a waste, for a good fellow to die from alcoholism, but remember that everything happens for a reason - maybe his death will be the impetus that gets you sober?

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

And, once that happens, that Power is also responsible for the Big Plan, which means that everything happens for a reason, there are no coincidences, and our job is to follow directions, learn from events, and do the next right thing. (Or, in my case, it was easier to know what the next WRONG thing was, and try to not do that!)

I am truly sorry for your loss; my best friend died of alcoholism, too, and it was a wake-up call for me, but I still thought I could out-smart the disease. I was wrong. Obviously that Power greater than me had other plans!

You can do this! Hit some meetings, meet your Higher Power, and walk with Him/Her/It until it becomes more comfortable.

3steeds

Thank you all for your words. They are sorely needed. Hearing of his death was like a slap to the face. I feel that if I was a better friend he would still be around (but I dont blame myself). We both spoke of quiting the booze. I wasnt ready then. I am ready now. Now I can honor his memory by staying sober.

I accept step 1. I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable. Im working on step 2...

Its day 8. I'll take another 24 hours...one minute at a time...