Denial, how and when did it end?
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
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Originally Posted by Justfor1 
I was never really in denial. I knew from the first time I tried alcohol at 14 that I did not drink like normal people. I believe the whole denial thing is a myth about addiction and deep down inside most alcoholics know they are alcoholic.
I think I knew that other people would define me as an alcoholic given my behavior. But I felt that they were wrong. That americans were hyper-sensitive about drinking. They were boring. They were happy to write people off as alcoholics while they popped xanax and mcdonald's all day ('acceptable addictions'). That everyone relied on something and mine was alcohol.
What I really didn't realize until I sobered up was how much of an impact alcohol had on my life. My whole adult life revolved around drinking. These past 8 mos have been the longest I've been sober since I started rinking 17 years ago.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: somewhere, tx
Posts: 128
Denial?
If he is willing to admit he's an alcoholic but refuses any kind of help, it doesn't make you "the bad guy". You can only help YOU at the moment and that's what this support is all about. He has to take his own first step to stop and you can bounce off the same walls with him for 10 minutes only to end up in the same predicament.
I hope you take care of yourself for the moment and realize that a person in an addictive relationship needs help too and coming here is a great beginning for you.
Bless you and take care.
I hope you take care of yourself for the moment and realize that a person in an addictive relationship needs help too and coming here is a great beginning for you.
Bless you and take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Shasta, CA
Posts: 91
Thank you all for the replies, it is getting easier to detach and see just how sick and sad he is. It has controlled his life for as long as i have known him, but with his anger and immaturity it only makes that much easier to move on and accept there is nothing i can do for him. But it sucks, we have a 2yo son together, and i fear that my boy will end up like his father and grandfather...
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
kmkluvr1...
When I was parenting youngsters...I did all I knew to do
to direct them into a safe...productive solid future...
For me...that certainly required my full attention.
Blessings as you move forward
When I was parenting youngsters...I did all I knew to do
to direct them into a safe...productive solid future...
For me...that certainly required my full attention.
Blessings as you move forward
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
KMK.....
don't confuse denial with delusion. Denial is mentioned 1x in the AA book (well, 2x if you count the stories). Delusion pops up at least 3x. For the real alcoholic, delusion is a far bigger and far more deadly problem.
To know you have a drinking problem, to see precisely how bad things truly are, but refuse to address it.....that's denial.
To not even recognize the chaos in your life, to not even see the spiritual malady that goes hand in hand with alcoholism, to believe you still have a choice about whether you drink again or not...... that's delusion.
Delusion is present when the person doesn't or can't even SEE the truth.
That's precisely where I was. I knew my drinking was causing problems......but I couldn't see (for many weeks into sobriety too) that I was truly alcoholic and that I was suffering from alcoholism......and that it was a type of alcoholism that ONLY a spiritual experience would conquer.
--ya see, even when I realized I had a problem I was convinced diet, right-thinking, willpower and clean living would straighten things out in my life. Pure delusion on my part.
you can't know what you don't know.........
for some of us alkies, the pain OF our alcoholism is the best teacher. Some of us required a pretty big wake-up dose of pain to come-to.
don't confuse denial with delusion. Denial is mentioned 1x in the AA book (well, 2x if you count the stories). Delusion pops up at least 3x. For the real alcoholic, delusion is a far bigger and far more deadly problem.
To know you have a drinking problem, to see precisely how bad things truly are, but refuse to address it.....that's denial.
To not even recognize the chaos in your life, to not even see the spiritual malady that goes hand in hand with alcoholism, to believe you still have a choice about whether you drink again or not...... that's delusion.
Delusion is present when the person doesn't or can't even SEE the truth.
That's precisely where I was. I knew my drinking was causing problems......but I couldn't see (for many weeks into sobriety too) that I was truly alcoholic and that I was suffering from alcoholism......and that it was a type of alcoholism that ONLY a spiritual experience would conquer.
--ya see, even when I realized I had a problem I was convinced diet, right-thinking, willpower and clean living would straighten things out in my life. Pure delusion on my part.
you can't know what you don't know.........
for some of us alkies, the pain OF our alcoholism is the best teacher. Some of us required a pretty big wake-up dose of pain to come-to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Shasta, CA
Posts: 91
DT- then i would say yes he is delusional. it is like he only "tells" me that he knows he has a problem, because he thinks that i what i want to hear, but i honestly think that he does not see anything wrong with the way he lives his life, and has no intention of changing. His fater died at around 50 due to alcohol and heart problems, just sad to see him going down the same path, and my son may lose his father at such a young age. sometimes i see in his face so much.......fear? confusion.? i don't really know what it is but it is like he wants so bad to....accept what he is, but he just can't and won't do it, because he doesnt want it to be true.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 66
Denial for me is also in two stages. Once i admitted I was an alcoholic, i still combat the feelings that I will one day be able to drink "normally", or not even normally, just be able to control it.
I still fantasize that there will be a day when i can still get hammered from time to time and there be no consequences. I wont wake up regretting anything. I wont wake up and immediately drink again. These are the thoughts that i battle everyday.
My goal (and probably most peoples on here) is to be sober and not desire a drink. I am on day 42 now and still think about drinking multiple times a day. I dont act on it and I try to grab a Big Book or meditate the thoughts away.
I still fantasize that there will be a day when i can still get hammered from time to time and there be no consequences. I wont wake up regretting anything. I wont wake up and immediately drink again. These are the thoughts that i battle everyday.
My goal (and probably most peoples on here) is to be sober and not desire a drink. I am on day 42 now and still think about drinking multiple times a day. I dont act on it and I try to grab a Big Book or meditate the thoughts away.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Yep, I agree with Daytrader.
I didn't even know that I was as sick as I was.
I honestly, didn't know.
I only sought help once I got my arse kicked by alcohol and turned into a sporadic blackout drunk. Even then, I was selfish and delusional to the core, but really couldn't even grasp that concept.
It's certainly not your fault and until he accepts 100% responsability for who he is and what he is, then in my opinion there is no hope, only pain and confusion.
Kjell~
I didn't even know that I was as sick as I was.
I honestly, didn't know.
I only sought help once I got my arse kicked by alcohol and turned into a sporadic blackout drunk. Even then, I was selfish and delusional to the core, but really couldn't even grasp that concept.
It's certainly not your fault and until he accepts 100% responsability for who he is and what he is, then in my opinion there is no hope, only pain and confusion.
Kjell~
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