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wow..relapsed...almost 9 months clean..

Old 04-28-2011, 06:21 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Pesky..Welcome back. I've been in and out for 15 years. Yep I'm that guy. People can poke fun all they want...but I keep trying and if I'm trying I aint dying. Got 33 days of real sobriety today. I say real cause I did it with a sponsor and by going to meetings and taking suggestions from other sober people. See I had a year dry, it sucked. I went out for 3 days. and here I am. Happy and crazy as crazy can be. You got this...believe!!!
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Old 04-28-2011, 07:21 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by pesky View Post
any....words would help.....feelin a lil worthless right now....
I know you asked for "uplifting" words, and I'm sure you'll get lots of them......but I dunno that they'll help.

For me, each time I got "uplifted" into thinking "it would be ok, you can give it another shot, it'll be different this time around" and so forth......all that did was keep me in the delusion that I could control my addiction and that self-will would suddenly work this time. Sometimes, "uplifting words" are nowhere near enough. ie... if I can't swim, and I'm suddenly tossed into a lake, all the "you're great, you're special, you're ok's" in the world won't keep me from drowning .......some quick swimming lessons will though.

REALIZING the first part of the first step - powerless over alcohol - doesn't really "feel" good. Truthfully, it "feels" pretty crumby. I don't LIKE that I'm powerless over booze......I don't LIKE that I can't keep myself sober........I don't like that I can't always think through the drink, remember how bad the last bout was, and just stay sober today.

I don't believe my alcoholism really gives a damn about what I like though. As a matter of fact, it seemed to use the fact that I didn't like admitting I couldn't keep myself sober as a tool to trick me into believing I COULD keep myself sober..........which never seemed to last.....and I'd end up drunk again.

Maybe what you're feeling.....that feeling of hopelessness IS just what you need. It's what I NEEDED, that's for sure. I needed to get it jammed in my face that, over and over, I'd just keep getting drunk unless I found SOME sort of program/power/solution that was outside of my best thinking and/or all the best thinking of all the folks who'd given me advice on how to avoid picking up that next first drink.

Maybe yer like me and you'll have to go find some sort of power greater than yourself and live a life on a spiritual basis if you ever want to have any sort of chance at staying sober.

Hearing that for the first time sure didn't sound "uplifting" to me......LOL. Turns out though, it was what I NEEDED to hear......and maybe what you need to hear too.

best of luck to you.

DT.
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Old 04-28-2011, 07:24 AM
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I hope you will soon get back on track....
welcome back to SR..

Last edited by CarolD; 04-28-2011 at 07:43 AM.
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Old 04-28-2011, 07:45 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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The turning point for me, between continued repeated relapse, and lasting sobriety was the moment of clarity when I could see the lie for what it was.

I had that moment when I knew that this time would not be different. The delusion was shattered that somehow, someway, this time would be different. Instead, I had full knowledge that in spite of my efforts, in spite of the consequences, in spite of all my sincere desire, this time would end up just like the other times with me drunk and hopeless.

When I knew that deep in my heart, I was in a position to accept help and take the actions that had led to lasting sobriety for others.
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Old 04-28-2011, 09:14 AM
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That happens. Realize you had a great streak at 9 months. Also realize that this could come up at any point again. I have done the same, albeit at much earlier stages than 9 months.
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Old 04-28-2011, 09:28 AM
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thanks for all your replies, im pretty shy and get really bad anxiety just posting online! the anxiety and fear sucks but i feel welcomed here, so thanks.....i really need to get that out, cant really get to meetings because i dont have my car right now so this helps.
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