Button pushers... bring downs and NOT drinking.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Button pushers... bring downs and NOT drinking.
So I am on a shaky day 2 or 3. I want to drink but I won't, at least I keep telling myself I won't. Misery loves company and misery has been knocking on my door today- in the form of a specific someone but I am not answering. I am trying so hard not to drink today. On an off- note... a personal hero of mine died today at 53 due to breast cancer- Ms. Poly Styrene of the former, outstanding band "X- Ray Spex".
But I digress. There are a lot of people out there who are passive aggressive or narcissistic. I see this more and more. I think I attract them, because I fall so easily into their traps- and satisfy their twisted needs. I know I am a shoulder to lean on and a true listener and I'm not giving it away anymore. From now on, people are going to need to earn that part of me. It may be all I have to offer but it's not something everyone possesses and I have to keep that in mind. It's good. I should protect it. I should extend that kindness to myself- but I don't know how.
But I digress. There are a lot of people out there who are passive aggressive or narcissistic. I see this more and more. I think I attract them, because I fall so easily into their traps- and satisfy their twisted needs. I know I am a shoulder to lean on and a true listener and I'm not giving it away anymore. From now on, people are going to need to earn that part of me. It may be all I have to offer but it's not something everyone possesses and I have to keep that in mind. It's good. I should protect it. I should extend that kindness to myself- but I don't know how.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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I went out for ice cream. I live in a violent neighborhood and that's just a cold hard fact. That is not going to change until I get a decent job, and nobody's hiring. So whatever. I won't be a prisoner in my apartment. And if I die because of it, at least it will be on my terms. I've never had a safe place in my life- in any way. Whatever. Who am I anyway? Nobody. So who cares. I don't anymore.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
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Awwww Sleepie we care. You being here makes a difference to us. You help my sobriety by posting your thoughts and letting me post back to you. Caring for each other helps us all to stay sober. Sober people have a lot to contribute to society and you will too once you are feeling better and are able to take steps to fix the things in your life that are broken. It takes time. Just take one day at at time and keep checking in here with us.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Well here's my checking in- I am on day two. I have to go to work soon and I was reading on all the shootings in my neighborhood. There has been at least one every day or so for about the last week. I get out of work at 12 a.m. so wish me luck I guess in getting home safely, alone as always. This place is scary. I don't even know what it's like to feel safe anymore, there have been only brief moments when my physical and/ or emotional well being were not being threatened. It's probably hard to understand but after a violent and chaotic upbringing, I was tossed straight into the world of adult responsibility and I know that my abusive past affected my ability to make a safe life for myself, as in I could never obtain or take the stress of a job that paid enough for me to not live in dangerous neighborhoods. I have also always felt so stupid and inadequate. I have such a low stress tolerance, it was just all used up when I was growing up. Oh well, off to work.
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