Righteous Indignation
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: yosemite, ca
Posts: 12
Righteous Indignation
I am struggling with anger issues. I use to just drink when I was feeling angry and instantly my cares would go away.
But lately I have been lashing out at people for very minor things...for example, a roomate has owed me $10 for a few days now for a backpack I sold him. He has made excuses a number of times about how he hasn;t been able to break his larger bills...dada whatever. Anyway tonight I dwelled on it for too long and decided to "collect my money" since I had a right to it. I basically made him feel pretty bad over not paying.
The ironic part is that after I yelled, I FELT BAD. It wasnt worth the $10 to make me feel bad about the situation.
Similar situations have happened since I stopped drinking...where I Feel I have a right to basically yell at people if they are doing something that irritates me.
I believe it stems from low self esteem....I feel inferior and have to prove to others that I am worth something by righteously proving my point to them....but in the process it only hurts me and definately hurts others.
Anyone have experience with this?
But lately I have been lashing out at people for very minor things...for example, a roomate has owed me $10 for a few days now for a backpack I sold him. He has made excuses a number of times about how he hasn;t been able to break his larger bills...dada whatever. Anyway tonight I dwelled on it for too long and decided to "collect my money" since I had a right to it. I basically made him feel pretty bad over not paying.
The ironic part is that after I yelled, I FELT BAD. It wasnt worth the $10 to make me feel bad about the situation.
Similar situations have happened since I stopped drinking...where I Feel I have a right to basically yell at people if they are doing something that irritates me.
I believe it stems from low self esteem....I feel inferior and have to prove to others that I am worth something by righteously proving my point to them....but in the process it only hurts me and definately hurts others.
Anyone have experience with this?
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
I have much experience with this.
The AA program and book helps me to learn about my anger, my reactions, and to learn how to change.
If you are open to it...it might be helpful for you too.
Sounds like untreated alcoholism to me. The spiritual malady. Our life is unmanageable. We behave poorly. We are selfish. We bully people.
Oh I can relate.
But the good news is you can change.
I have changed.
It takes honesty, openmindedness, and willingness.
Are you willing?
We don't have to behave this way. There is another way. It takes time. I think we have to be patient with ourselves as we shed the old with the new.
When you make a mistake...like with your roomate. You make a mess...you get to clean it up.
You get to go to your roomate, and say, "I am sorry for my bad behavior, and my big mouth. I am sorry for yelling, and for my anger. I am working on it. Please forgive me."
I learned this from personal experience which I am not proud of.
I don't know how long it has been since you stopped drinking, but I remember being very agitated in early sobriety.
The little things would happen and I would snap...wound too tight for sure.
It gets better.
If it doesn't get better...then you know that you have this unmanagebility in life drunk or sober.
There are some quotes from the big book which may be helpful for you.
The first one talks about this state of consciousness where we have all sorts of problems! And guess what...a drink used to fix it! Now we are not drinking, but our behavior is still absurd! What shall we do now?
How do we solve this problem? I don't think we can wish it away...it takes some work. The steps of the AA program are helpful for this type of issue...at least they, along with praying, and seeking guidance from recovered members here at SR and other sources...have been what has helped me to deal with my anger and to change.
Check out these two quotes from the big book...
We Agnostics
"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people..."
and with regard to your behavior... (and mine!)...this may help.
How It Works
"If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience."
Also, I repeat "God save me from being angry" when upset. I bite my tongue. I pray the serenity prayer. I also ask God to "remove my resentments praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out."
This is helpful for me, and I hope it is for you too.
Best wishes.
The AA program and book helps me to learn about my anger, my reactions, and to learn how to change.
If you are open to it...it might be helpful for you too.
Sounds like untreated alcoholism to me. The spiritual malady. Our life is unmanageable. We behave poorly. We are selfish. We bully people.
Oh I can relate.
But the good news is you can change.
I have changed.
It takes honesty, openmindedness, and willingness.
Are you willing?
We don't have to behave this way. There is another way. It takes time. I think we have to be patient with ourselves as we shed the old with the new.
When you make a mistake...like with your roomate. You make a mess...you get to clean it up.
You get to go to your roomate, and say, "I am sorry for my bad behavior, and my big mouth. I am sorry for yelling, and for my anger. I am working on it. Please forgive me."
I learned this from personal experience which I am not proud of.
I don't know how long it has been since you stopped drinking, but I remember being very agitated in early sobriety.
The little things would happen and I would snap...wound too tight for sure.
It gets better.
If it doesn't get better...then you know that you have this unmanagebility in life drunk or sober.
There are some quotes from the big book which may be helpful for you.
The first one talks about this state of consciousness where we have all sorts of problems! And guess what...a drink used to fix it! Now we are not drinking, but our behavior is still absurd! What shall we do now?
How do we solve this problem? I don't think we can wish it away...it takes some work. The steps of the AA program are helpful for this type of issue...at least they, along with praying, and seeking guidance from recovered members here at SR and other sources...have been what has helped me to deal with my anger and to change.
Check out these two quotes from the big book...
We Agnostics
"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people..."
and with regard to your behavior... (and mine!)...this may help.
How It Works
"If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience."
Also, I repeat "God save me from being angry" when upset. I bite my tongue. I pray the serenity prayer. I also ask God to "remove my resentments praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out."
This is helpful for me, and I hope it is for you too.
Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
I blow things out of proportion too. It happens when Im NOT drinking. so in short i know the problem is deeper rooted than just drinking to much. AA has helped, this forum and face to face counceling. If you dont want to go or dont have access to meetings I sugest you buy or read online the AA Big Book. There is a ton of insight in there!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
I agree with the others about AA helping with things like this.
But I know for myself,when I quit I was an emotional rollercoaster. It went on for a long time. In a lot of cases I didn't realize what was going on at the time. But looking back at the big picture I would go from extremely happy to sad to the Tasmanian devil, all before lunch.
The bottom line is I drank for a long time,and alcohol screwed up my mind. It didn't heal over night. It took a while for things to level out. But the fact is,they did finally level out.
Fred
But I know for myself,when I quit I was an emotional rollercoaster. It went on for a long time. In a lot of cases I didn't realize what was going on at the time. But looking back at the big picture I would go from extremely happy to sad to the Tasmanian devil, all before lunch.
The bottom line is I drank for a long time,and alcohol screwed up my mind. It didn't heal over night. It took a while for things to level out. But the fact is,they did finally level out.
Fred
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
Initially, I tend to under react over bad behavior. So in turn, I build a little resentment and then a little more and then I burst and completely over react. Since I quit drinking, I have gotten better about this. I carried around a lot of guilt when I was drinking so on some level I thought people had a right to treat me inappropriately. My moods are so much more stabilized without the alcohol. I'm so much more rational about every day situations that are irritating, but now I somehow handle them more like an adult.
Also, you were right in wanting to be paid for what is rightfully yours. I'm sure this guy was trying to see if he could weasel out of paying you and just because you blew it out of proportion does not make you wrong or a bad person. Frankly, I've never understood this "all I have is a 20 dollar bill." I always think, "yea well you need to break that and pay up." I swear I have a girlfriend that has been saying that exact same thing for 20+ years. The big joke behind her back is that it is exactly the same $20 bill from 20 years ago.
Also, you were right in wanting to be paid for what is rightfully yours. I'm sure this guy was trying to see if he could weasel out of paying you and just because you blew it out of proportion does not make you wrong or a bad person. Frankly, I've never understood this "all I have is a 20 dollar bill." I always think, "yea well you need to break that and pay up." I swear I have a girlfriend that has been saying that exact same thing for 20+ years. The big joke behind her back is that it is exactly the same $20 bill from 20 years ago.
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