DerekH

I'll try my best to keep it brief, because I know it gets asked a million times.

Am I an alcoholic, or am I simply mentally disordered in some other way?

I've got plenty of mental problems. Suffered severe child abuse for many years, became a ward of the state and was in and out of group homes/foster homes, lots of serious problems as a kid.

As a young adult, learned to 'party hearty' and I think went through the typical cresting of drinking and smoking pot, etc. I've always liked to get buzzed.

I definitely have some issues because of all that. I used to be pretty anti-social. I had serious problems relating to others. I was institutionalized most of my life by then and had real difficulty integrating with the rest of the world.

Then in 1990, I became a born-again Christian. I went through many years of discipleship and counseling. I started to become whole. I honestly forgave those in my childhood that caused me so much pain and asked God to do the same.

Since then, once in awhile I would enjoy a beer. Every few years I would run into a social situation where beers or a joint was being passed around, and I would partake. most times this was only 4 or 5 drinks. Once in awhile, I would buy a little bit of weed, and once in awhile I would get a six pack to go with it. I would get a buzz after 4 beers and go to bed.

my tolerance has gradually gone up over the years. at social situations, if I am there for a length of time, I typically regulate my intake so that I dont get smashed. I slow down when I start to feel overly buzzed. I used to hang out with a friend of mine and a couple other folks on the weekends, and he loved to do shots - he was pretty much a wildman - but I didnt want to get smashed so I would pretend to drink the shot, but instead dump it out when his head was tilted back and he couldnt see, etc. Not everytime, sometimes I would take the shot, but I only did so carefully so as not to get too lit up. it was during one of these that I took a few too many - I remember wanting to go to the restaurant to satisfy a craving for pancakes, and I only remember fragments of the trip. I didn't drive.

when I would drink at home, it used to be I would get a 12 pack and drink may be 9 of them over the course of as many or more hours, intermixed with either coffee or water. basically i would bring home a 12 pack at around 6pm, and by 1 or 2 pm I would go to bed, having drank perhaps 9 or 10, pleasantly drunk but not stagger, pee-my-pants drunk, etc.

I don't hang out with that friend anymore, he became wild and violent and started getting in fights a lot. this is not for me so I ended the friendship. I stopped drinking for about 18 months as well. I didn't have any symptoms of withdrawal. nothing. not physical, not mental, nothing. I just quit, and that was that.

later I got a new job that was exceptionally stressful. there were two incidents that I think triggered me.

one was a coworker that said he found it odd that I didnt drink at all. I offered no reason, i simply stated "I don't drink". I later discovered that he was a very heavy drinker. But at the time I remember that it was a very awkward situation.

the other was a very stressful business trip with my boss. I had inherited a client that was on the verge of firing my company, and I was a brand new contractor. i was sent out with my boss to do damage control. the client took us out to dinner and ordered drinks, and this event broke my 18 months of non-drinking. on my way back to the motel I contemplated getting some more liquor but knew that would be stupid, plus it would be inconvenient and I was tired.

a few weeks later, me and some of the other guys at work went out for some beers. I had a few with them and went home, the end. a few other times over the next 3 months, I did my 12 pack thing. only on the weekends.


the job turned out to be so stressful that I declined the full time offer after my contract was up. I was back on the job market. the guys at work liked me and we had a get-together for a few drinks after work. I stayed after they left because I wanted a few more drinks, so I hung out at the bar. I got into some conversations with some other folks and I ended up hanging out the rest of the night. I remember leaving and how I got home, but I dont remember walking in the door or going to bed. my wife says I was just mumbling and stumbling, etc. I admit that I had too much, thats for sure. I will also admit that it sort of snuck up on me. I only wanted to party the way I usually do-- a few at time, over the course of several hours, etc. But I guess it was a little to fast or soemthing.

after that I went back to the normal regulated intake. I would get a 12 pack and maybe a pint of whiskey. I'd have a mixed drink, then some beers, then another mixer...usually I would start out a little fast to get going, and then I would ease back and regulate myself.

about a week ago, I decided to stop again. I ran into this place because I want to find out if I am an alcoholic and I was sort of searching around. I stopped drinking completely, even though there is still alcohol in the house that I could easily partake of. I didnt have any withdrawal symptoms at all. No physical symptoms at all. No cravings. I'm truly being honest here. It was easy to stop. I just stopped and havent had a second thought about it since.

As far as the craving goes, I think that I could easily have 2-3 drinks and jsut stop. I've done so before, many times

So my thoughts are that I have deeper issues. I've always been a person of extreme self-discipline and will power. But I guess you could say that this is my attempt at making an honest assessment.

All thoughts and opinions are welcome. if you made it this far, thanks for reading. I apologize if my post was too loong.

CarolD

thanks for sharing part of your story with us...

Only you can decide if drinkiing is in your best interest.
why bother?
There is no way I know of that drinking a toxin is healthy.

Boleo

There is a lot of evidence here pro and con on you're being alcoholic or not.

First issue. What do you mean by "stop again"? Have you tried many other times in the past? If so, not staying stopped is classic alcoholic behavior.

Second issue. Even if you can drink 2 or 3 drinks sometimes, what happens when you fail to stop at 3?

Third. "Deeper issues" is a common problem with alcoholics. Treating those deeper issues without quitting drinking might just be a complete wast of time.

doggonecarl

The "Am I an alcoholic" question is only one you can answer. But based on on own drinking, I would like to reply to one of your comments.

And many times you have failed to stop. The inability to control how much one drinks when one starts is one of the prime indicators of alcoholism.

And as for trying to control your drinking...normal drinkers don't "control" their drinking. They don't have to. For the normal drinker, it doesn't take extreme self discipline and willpower in order to drink moderately. Extreme self disciple and willpower are the tools a problem drinker uses to control his/her drinking.

For years and years I tried to regulate my intake. And I did, for an awful long time, but always excusing the occasional "slip" into excess. Eventually, excess became the norm. I think by coming here and posting, you have already made an assessment that leads you to think you have a problem with alcohol. Don't let your "booze brain" talk you out of it.

Good luck.

Dee74

Hi Derek

I had many 'underlying reasons' why I started drinking and self medicating...but over time I also developed myself some alcoholism to go with it.

I had to deal with both my alcoholism and my original underlying issues to get sober and stay that way.

Could be it's the same for you too?

D

LaFemme

My standard response is "Who cares if you are alcoholic or not?"....although I know this question is important to many.

For me the important question is "is my life better without alcohol?" The answer to this is a huge YES! and I think it would be forbmany drinkers who aren't technically alcoholics.

Here's another one; WWJD

Reset

I was going to say pretty much the same thing Dee and LaFemme said, though I don't know if I could have done it so succinctly.

I had issues and alcohol was clouding the picture, impeding my ability to sort through those issues. Although in many ways I behaved like an alcoholic, I didn't really care about the definition. I just wanted to be happy and alcohol was either making me less happy or getting in the way of me finding out what was really wrong.

So I quit in large part to see what role alcohol was playing, and now that I quit I realize that I don't want to go back to it.