pinkfirefly

Hey. this is pink. I am 3 days sober now. I have had a very very bad week. i know its all my fault, but i have hit rock bottom. i over dosed on 2 boxes of pills, and was all drugged up, completely out of my mind for 2 full days. it was pure hell. i went to work like that, ended up walking out. my husband was so mad. he kicked me out for a little while. and i was drinking very heavily. i am so sad and depressed lately, i've made a huge mess out of my life. i feel like a terrible person, terrible mother. i want to clean up my life for my husband and kids. i really do. no more drugs, i'm done with it, its ruining my life. and the drinking has to stop. i am 3 days sober now, and counting. i'm back with my 2 wonderful kids. i love them so much. i don't want to die and leave them behind, and they deserve a better mother. i want to be that better mother. its so hard, because i crave the alcohol so bad. my body longs for it. i'm fighting the cravings now. i'm doing good so far. and i'm taking good care of my kids. i'm feeling a little more empowered and strong, after my last bad episode. it was so miserable, i think it was the wake up call i needed to get serious about getting my life on track. i am so blessed in my life. i got my job back, talked to my boss. i still have my job, i still have my kids and my husband, and i intend to keep them all. i'm not gonna mess this up again. i'm gonna do it. I'm going to start seeing a drug and alcohol abuse counselor again and enroll in some classes to help me over come this addiction. i guess, i'm just looking for some encouragement. i know every one on this site probably hates me and doesn't believe in me any more. and i'm sorry. but i just want to know that its possible for me to stop drinking and get my life back. please tell me, that every thing will be ok. you stopped drinking, so its possible for me to turn my life around. its not too late for me to climb out of the hole i've dug for myself?

WritingFromLife

Congratulations on the three days! It's never too late! Just stop digging and climb on out.

Dee74

It's never too late Pink - but do please follow through with seeing the counsellor again and the classes....

many of us have hit rock bottom and assumed that alone would be enough to set us on the straight and narrow - but it rarely works out that way.

Like I've said all along - we can't change without making changes.
Get some help and make some changes

best of luck
D

Lenina

(((pink))) I worry so much for you. You really need a strong program. Again, I really recommend that you go inpatient for a few weeks. It seems I recall you've got insurance. I think you need help with getting sober. It couldn't hurt to have the depression properly diagnosed and treated while you're there.

I've kept you in my thoughts and so wish for you to be the Mom you want to be to your lovely children. You deserve a good shot at sobriety and I think inpatient would give you the best chance for lasting sobriety.

I'm really glad I went inpatient. It did me so much good and gave me so many sobriety skills. Please check it out.

Love from,

Lenina

Ranger

Glad you're back, Kiddo.

It is possible...it's not too late...you can win.

Soberween

I definitely don't hate you! Welcome back....you can do this!!!

Reset

3 days is a good start. Glad to hear it. Hang in there, it DOES get easier.

DayTrader

I'm sure you'll get lots of encouragement. I doubt it it will be powerful enough this time to do what it (the encouragement) wasn't able to do last time.

Pink.....have you considered the possibility that maybe you CAN'T dig yourself out, that you can't fix your life, that you can't stay sober for any appreciable amount of time....... in essence, have you considered that perhaps you're a chronic alcoholic, you're powerless over alcohol and you're unable to manage your life?

I ask because someone who has the power to save herself, who has the power to dig herself out, who has the power to stay sober this time and "it'll be all right" doesn't usually NEED much encouragement and generally can actually DO that stuff - and it's evidenced by them DOING it.

A real alcoholic though - a chronic alcoholic.......they THINK they can do that stuff. The figure they should be able to pull it off. They look back at their past and see that they've done similar stuff before so they'll just do it again now................ only they never quite get it right. They just can't pull it off this time. Lack of power is their dilemma. They know what TO do (stop drinking, work smarter, drop those dopy friends, stand up to the spouse or apologize to their spouse, make amends to their kids, etc) but they just can't DO it.......

Typically, someone in this dilemma finds their way to AA where, luckily for them, they're already living the first step: powerlessness and unmanageability.

I can't say IF that stuff applies to your life.......but it might be something to consider. Most of us in AA could have saved ourselves a LOT of pain had we taken an honest look at those considerations earlier in our drinking career.

Fandy

Actions speak louder than words, no dramatic entrance is needed, but help and a professional medical treatment plan certainly is.

I hope you and your husband consider a very structured environment that will teach you how to function and deal with real life as a sober person...I hope you get well for yourself.

Justfor1

The cravings should get better the longer you are sober. I know they did for me and I was drinking 24/7. Congrats on 3 days.

OklaBH

No way can we hate you! Everyone wants you to suceed!! Stay with it. You sound determined and I'm proud of you!

least

You can do this! Get the support you need and go for it. Don't drink no matter what. It will get better but you've got to work for it. If I can do it, so can you!

MrDavid

Amen...Fellowshipping is key as well, so stay close to those people who can be your eyes and ears, especially in early sobriety. We love your optimism, though, so keep being you - just without the drink.

:ghug3

~God bless~

Hopeworks

Pink... congrats on 3 days! Willpower can always get a you a few days or maybe even a month but without a STRONG program of recovery and support network of others the statistics for success are very, very low... scary low.

PLEASE listen to what you have been told over and over ... run... don't walk... don't hesitate and pick up the phone and call someone. Call a treatment center for a short term inpatient time, call a counselor and make an appointment and call AA and find out where there is a meeting tonight. Try to find a Big Book meeting if you can ... ask for a temporary sponsor!

Keep us posted... good luck and you are in our prayers.

TwelveSteps

You talked about doing inpatient before... NOW DO IT.

GG

indakut

Keep at it

unger894

Congrats on the three days! In my experience those have always been the hardest and it starts to get easier after that. Keep it going and everything will be alright.

franie

Well done Pink. You have made the first step towards a much better life for you and the little ones. Keep at it. I do agree with some of the other comments about needing a strong programme of support - this need not be AA or it could be AA. Just keep up the good work and start putting some support in place.

My thoughts are with you.

Best
Franie

Stepsister1

Way to go pink...You are not alone....keep sharing...

Fandy

if you are on Sober Day #4, please tell us.