lizisme

ok i would really like to hear your thoughts on this one. There is a history of addicts in my family but i really believe it plays a huge part in why I became one. People are constantly telling me I became an alcoholic to escape from something but i really dont feel like thats the reason. I really truely believe I became one when I was created, it was waiting for me to have that first drink and when I did that was it, done deal, it was never normal. So now that im sober im struggling to figure out a few things and the response i keep getting is along the lines of 'do some therapy and find out what was screwed up in your life to make you drink'. Thoughts?

now being sober im thinking, ok ive spent a good part of 12 years guzzling my life away that is why i feel so disconnected from myself, not because i was running away from life, sure drinking did that to me towards the end cos i lost myself but thats not why i drank in the first place. so instead of going to a psych and sorting out my apparently horrid childhood so im cured, what should i do? im sure i sound mental. i know im doing my own head in...nearly 7 months later, no dont do steps either

Sugah

I believe I was born this way, too. The thing is, though, if I only had the physical craving part, a few consequences should have been enough to make me quit, but they didn't. I mean, I know someone who really loves strawberries, but he breaks out in boils when he eats them. So he doesn't eat them, even though he really, really likes them.

I also don't think there necessarily needs to be external circumstances that create the mental obsession component of alcoholism. My husband, for example, had a perfectly normal, Ozzie & Harriet upbringing. It wasn't until his alcoholism became active in adulthood that he started to pile up the baggage that most of us are dragging behind us when we get sober.

I've heard others talk about having a "normal" childhood--no abuse, no neglect, no broken home, no bullying, etc--and still say they always "felt different."

I believe the external circumstances in my life brought on my alcoholism sooner than it may have in a different environment, but I don't believe that's why I'm alcoholic.

I'm alcoholic because I'm alcoholic.

I've learned that if I want to stay sober, I need to root out my past and face it head on--not root it out so I can say, "There. That's why I'm a drunk." That's silly. If that were the case, all we'd have to do is deal with the cause--and then we could drink like a normal person. That may happen for problem drinkers, but it doesn't for alcoholics.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Ranger

Without a doubt, one can be genetically predisposed to alcoholism. As far as I know, this is no longer a matter of debate within the medical/recovery communities.

All addicts have issues that must be resolved in order to achieve fulfilling, enduring sobriety. Whether these issues stem from childhood or the time of active addiction will be answered in time so long as one does the most important thing, which is to start digging. While this personal excavation does not necessarily require a therapist, many find outside tools helpful.

Mark75

My own experience... and I speak of my own experience only.

I believe I was born curious... LOL... a little of my father, a little of my mother... maybe a little, or a lot, of ADHD... or at least, I could relate in a very big way to Calvin and Hobbes... LOL...

My nervous system, my personality, loves altered states... and I could take excursions here and there, now and then, more at different times of my life, less at other... not addicted...

But a chasm opened... at first, just a smear of discontent... nothing really earth shattering, I have a good life... but I found that the smear, this chasm, started opening, more often, deeper... driving in my car, the middle of the night, on a perfectly good day, on a perfectly sh1tty day... and I found that alcohol closed the chasm very well... and the cycle began... And not just the chasm, but all human endeavor, emotion... tweaked, magnified, lessened... whatever.... There always HAD to be more, ya know?

I believe what Jung says... (See Daytrader's YouTube link in a another thread... Jung...)... that it was a primarily spiritual problem... (not religious, I go to mass and have for many years...)

Why... why not, I guess... maybe we need to be thinking straight, with our two feet on the ground most of the time to have spiritual fitness... IDK... I don't worry about why too much anymore... because often that is followed by why me? ... then poor me... then pour me and, well, that sux and I don't need another trip there, LOL...

There is a spiritual solution. If you are interested, come on over to the 12 step support and you'll find people who have recovered using this simple program.

BackToSquareOne

Ranger, how do you resolve issues from the past? Many injustices happen that can not be resolved. My method is to say "what is is", accept the things you can not change. Accepting that bad things happen is sometimes all we can do. In my opinion too much introspection can have negative results.

Opivotal

I believe in order to stay sober ...you need "tools". You need to learn how to manage your life sober, most of us have no clue. We know how to live drunk or high. Whatever support you use such as a therapist or counselor can help you with this. Whatever the reasons you found yourself an alcoholic or addict will be sorted out. Your will learn new ways to find fulfillment in a positive manner instead of a destructive one.

In other words we need to fill in the gap left open by the removal of our coping mechanism (drugs or alcohol ) If not addressed Liz we are left wandering through life with no focus and no coping skills and very little happiness. Eventually you will find something else to fill the emptiness inside. You know no other way.

Whatever support system you choose is up to you. If one doesn't work, find another. The bottom line is we've all wound up in the same place. Doesn't matter why. It's up to each person to find their answer and work on fixing it. Until we do, we will find ourselves back here. Probably in worse shape then before. Addiction is a progressive disease, unless addressed it will eventually destroy you.

Best Wishes To You! :ghug3

ste

I agree with Sugah and Ranger, sounds like you understand there is no productive reason to blame your past for alcoholism. If you have issues sober, there are many ways to deal with that as well. Its a personal decision. My family (those still living/or maybe not) would be aghast if I went to a "psyche". "We don't do that".

Platitudes....
Whatever it takes, is what it takes. Self-help books are pretty innocuous.

Ranger

I believe your and my differences are largely semantical. In some cases, "accepting the things you cannot change" is the best resolution. For me, the overarching concept is I can't give away (i.e. let go of, or "accept") what I do not own (i.e. recognize to exist).

And I want to highlight my original and current responses are bent towards the original post, which implied no abuse and/or mental illness is involved.

skg

This is funny. I looked for reasons for years, spent thousands of dollars pshrynking my head, and pointing fingers at everyone. As Scott Redman used to say, "I was going to DIE an alcoholic, but at least I was going to UNDERSTAND WHY!!"

Truth is, I drank because I liked the effect produced by alcohol. And it worked--until it didn't anymore.

AmericanGirl

Hi LizisMe. I think there are many good responses here.

Yes, most people agree that alcoholism has a biological component. It took accepting that for me to understand my problem. What was also important for me was to care enough about myself to decide that I wasn't going to let my genes dictate my drinking and lead me down the path of destruction. For me, that required counseling & requires on-going introspection, recovery tools, etc.

Ranger

Thanks for this additional context.

I'm down w/the idea that a genetic predisposition is fully sufficient to make one an alcoholic. For what it's worth, in my case genes aren't the end of the story. Generally speaking, multiple factors are par for the course since folks who have a genetic predisposition towards alcoholism oftentimes have childhoods negatively impacted by the disease.

Be that as it may, I'd only encourage you to take a brutally honest look at the damaged relationships, self-centerdness, and emotional deadweight acquired during 12 years of 'guzzling your life away" and strive to do better...whatever that means to you.

Thanks for the original post!

newby1961

All I know is that in the first 164 pages of the BB there is an outline for living a sober & relatively sane life

The 12 steps have worked for thousands of people, for many decades.

To me it doesn't matter if I know how I got it? I just need to know I have the disease and then I need to take action.

When the pain of living sober becomes to great we will either take the suggestions of the program or we will drink and die.

I base that on 20 years of being in & out of the program and trying to do it my way. I almost killed myself trying to prove I could drink like normal folks.

I will have 7 years next month and I can never repay that debt to AA and all of you

Reset

If you wonder whether going to some sort of therapist or mental health professional might help, why not just go and find out if it does?

REDSTAR

since most of your family members are alcoholic, its certainly a good bet that you are too. in my experience, i was pretty much scared to take my life into my own hands. fear is a HUGE part of our lives and a big reason we try to escape from it with drugs and alcohol. it usually takes some time in the program to find this out and work on it. look and be honest with yourself. GOD BLESS

Reset

When I was first thinking about quitting, I asked a psychologist about environmental and hereditary factors in alcoholism, and he told me "they're all the same. They're all interrelated."

ATWG

Every male on my father's side - but not the father - was an alcoholic.

As an early teen I was a sort of wunderkind, allowed in the company of older boys and grownups due to my accomplishments and was even "protected" by them from the vices. Many of these guys were drunks, gang members, criminals etc., but have never ever thought me how to, say, cheat on cards (I was a chess champion), fight (I was a writer) or use drugs, even smoke. I was never offered a drink by them either.

However, one day a shop were they were buying beer for them and I was getting juices for me was out of juice I liked. A guy gave me a beer, on that hot, summer day. I loved the taste and even more so, I loved the feeling it gave me, I fall in love with it. That same day I had 12 beers and got seriously drunk but have never ever stopped drinking.

Yes, that first, single beer made me an alcoholic like I was meant to be one.

MrDavid

Thanks...for the topic.

There was a part of me that wanted to self medicate by drinking and another side that wanted to experience all the joys of life without the impediments of alcohol. I started to develop a better rapport with sober people than with my alcoholic cronies, establishing a connection to the sublime through the fellowship of AA, which promotes 'spiritual development' rather than alcoholic treason. These spiritual principles, that help promote peace and contentment through the grace of God are time-tested and true, my friends, and have helped us recover from the "isms" of life, far beyond the scope of AA. These far reaching and contrasting set of spiritual values have remained a vital part of my recovery throughout the last 9+ years of sobriety and I have Almighty God and this fellowship to thank for that. I hope all of us regain enough composure to pursue our dreams with same fervor as do those in the annals of everyday life. May all of you enjoy continued success, inside and outside the rooms -one day at a time.

~God bless~

Latte

There are so many reasons. I try not to think of the why, but how to treat this darn disease. Meetings, Big Book and not drinking no matter what.

Zencat

I believe there are many factors that contributed to me becoming an addict. Heredity plays a big part in determining if one becomes an addict or not. But beyond that, I used/abused alcohol/drugs to the point that major changed occurred in my brain. Those changes include neurochemical along with structural changes in my brain. My brain adapted to having alcohol constantly taken in by me. In fact my brain depended on having alcohol to control my mood. So much so that my brain would no longer produce feel good chemicals and allowed alcohol to do that job.

Heredity allowed me to process a large amount of alcohol without getting deathly sick for a long time. Eventually I would become sick if I didn't have alcohol in my system. Tat furthered along with the changes in my brain that alcohol caused. Then latter on when my organs begun to fail, I would get sick after a hard day of drinking. Yet with untreated addiction, I still drank.

Anywho that,s what I understand about what happened. I know there is more to it, but this is the short version.

LaFemme

Hi lizisme...I'm not a fan of blame your parents for a horrid childhood either. Because I had a pretty spectacular childhood. Sure I have a few emotional scars caused mostly by circumstances beyond my control (or beyond the control of anyone to be honest). I work with a life coach whose emphasis isn't on what's wrong in my past but focusing on what's keeping me from my future...this approach works for me.

I believe I had a heavy genetic predisposition to alcoholism aided and abetted by my environment. This got me to a point where alcoholism hijackes my life and made me so miserable I didn't want to live anymore...all I wanted to do was drink.

I have 9+ months and if I ever drink again it will be because I no longer wish to live....since I don't want this to happen I work with a life coach and I work on my emotional and physical well being.