:(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
:(
Someone at work is pushing my buttons. I have covered for them, so they can go home early. I make minimum wage. He is SO mean to me. I am having thoughts of cutting again 
I get so sad and upset that I have to keep it all to myself and look happy and smile for the customers while he upsets me. Our boss is even worse, and I work at a store where there is a bunch of triple x s*** and I hate it. I am looking and sending my resume all the time. If you don't have a kind word then leave me alone and ignore me. I have had too much abuse and I can't take anymore. And I am also extremely sick and tired of people who NEVER say hi to me or ask how I am but then want to nose around in my business to satisfy their curiosity. People get shot in my neighborhood. I am scared and alone. It is REAL AND NOT EXAGGERATED. I am afraid all of the time. People like to hurt me. They like to destroy me when I have a smile on my face, they like to take away anything that might make me happy for once. Enjoy it because I am pretty much finished.
I get so sad and upset that I have to keep it all to myself and look happy and smile for the customers while he upsets me. Our boss is even worse, and I work at a store where there is a bunch of triple x s*** and I hate it. I am looking and sending my resume all the time. If you don't have a kind word then leave me alone and ignore me. I have had too much abuse and I can't take anymore. And I am also extremely sick and tired of people who NEVER say hi to me or ask how I am but then want to nose around in my business to satisfy their curiosity. People get shot in my neighborhood. I am scared and alone. It is REAL AND NOT EXAGGERATED. I am afraid all of the time. People like to hurt me. They like to destroy me when I have a smile on my face, they like to take away anything that might make me happy for once. Enjoy it because I am pretty much finished.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Nobody cares about me, they never have. And I have YEARS of experience to prove it. So don't patronize me. I t makes no difference. I'm an adult, I'll make my choices. This is s***. Nobody gets it, you can't and I'd feel bad if you did because I've endured things no human should ever be made to endure- and I am alone in ways that are incomprehensible to most. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. And count yourself lucky that you are ignorant in this way. I have to face it again tomorrow. I have to pretend and smile to people who are rude a** holes to me while they rent their jerk off movies. And it sickens me to my core and I want to die and these pricks treat me like s***- when they are the ones who are disgusting and indulge constantly in their pathetic, exploitative, sexually gratifying needs. And bitchy gay men who sneer at me, and repulsive straight men who get off on me renting their misogynistic, degrading movies to them. I want to die. I have a degree in fine art, from a very reputable school- that I worked 2 jobs at times to pay off. Am I not worth more than this? As a woman- is this all I have to expect? Because I am old, I am alone-I have always been alone. Most of you have no idea what I mean when I say NO family, NO friends- and unfortunately I am born into a family of horrid, self entitled predators who rape me of every chance I have of being loved and cared for by someone. Just because you can't imagine it does not mean it isn't so.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
Sleepie
This is an alcoholism forum. If you have alcoholism problems we can help you - we have helped you in the past.
It's not feasible for us to be experts on everything tho.
We're all trying to help but we can't be all things to all people.
Have you thought about looking for other forums to help you with your other issues as well?
As someone whose known you a long time, it seems to me since you decided to go cut back on your meds, things have changed for you.
I think it would be a very good idea to ring your doctor and your therapist and get in and discuss your current troubles with them - get a professional viewpoint from someone who knows what they're talking about.
You're a part of the community - you have a lot of people here who care for you -
noone trying to put you down.
We're doing our best to offer you some comfort, as much as we can - please try and remember that - please don't be harsh with people who take time out to try and help you and who really genuinely care for you.
D
This is an alcoholism forum. If you have alcoholism problems we can help you - we have helped you in the past.
It's not feasible for us to be experts on everything tho.
We're all trying to help but we can't be all things to all people.
Have you thought about looking for other forums to help you with your other issues as well?
As someone whose known you a long time, it seems to me since you decided to go cut back on your meds, things have changed for you.
I think it would be a very good idea to ring your doctor and your therapist and get in and discuss your current troubles with them - get a professional viewpoint from someone who knows what they're talking about.
You're a part of the community - you have a lot of people here who care for you -
noone trying to put you down.
We're doing our best to offer you some comfort, as much as we can - please try and remember that - please don't be harsh with people who take time out to try and help you and who really genuinely care for you.
D
unlearning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: russia
Posts: 343
I think Dee has good ideas.
We care Sleepie. I care, but you are right, I'm ignorant and probably will never be able to comprehend. I do count myself lucky. Doesn't mean I don't care.
Doctors without TS are in the dark too, but who else to work with, even a doctor with TS would not be you.
You could be the Helen Keller of TS. Who knows?
I know you have a reason for being, probably greater than mine
We care Sleepie. I care, but you are right, I'm ignorant and probably will never be able to comprehend. I do count myself lucky. Doesn't mean I don't care.
Doctors without TS are in the dark too, but who else to work with, even a doctor with TS would not be you.
You could be the Helen Keller of TS. Who knows?
I know you have a reason for being, probably greater than mine
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Maybe it's time to try something different? I sent you a PM about spiritual personal peace. For me, walking around waiting for people to **** me off made me perpetually angry. I felt like I had no skin and everyone around me had salt, waiting to toss some.
It has taken some time, and alot of effort, but the answers seemed to come from within. I was waiting for other people to 'make' me happy. You can guess how that turned out...
Anyway, maybe it is time to try something different?
It has taken some time, and alot of effort, but the answers seemed to come from within. I was waiting for other people to 'make' me happy. You can guess how that turned out...
Anyway, maybe it is time to try something different?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I know you have a reason for being, probably greater than mine
Nobody has a reason for being greater than anybody!
"When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways--either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength."
— Dalai Lama XIV
I believe this.
Nobody has a reason for being greater than anybody!
"When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways--either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength."
— Dalai Lama XIV
I believe this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by sleepie 
I have to go to work tomorrow. I have to face all of this again. I hope I can do it. I have no choice- I need the money so badly. I want to be positive but I am so afraid and alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I am fine, I did not cut- I am so ashamed I let that guy and everything get to me. I blew my couple of non drinking days. I know you're not experts, sorry for being harsh. It's just hard to really try to face the day with a smile and then walk into the after math of another shooting, or a verbal slap in the face from someone I work with. Didn't mean to be- wrong? In posting here. I just have nowhere to go. Holidays of any kind are also a bit tense for me as I have no family at all, it's a long story I won't go into I am just back to say thank you for listening and I am okay today. Have to deal with this guy at work though- he never seems happy until he sees I am on the verge of tears. I am shopping around for some art supplies, I have come to the conclusion my mental health suffers when I am not making things. I will take any suggestions about dealing with button pushers or antagonists, especially at work. IO don't want to come home and drink again, I feel like sad f*** up I am thin skinned and I scare and upset- people see that at times I think and take advantage of it.
I am thin skinned and I scare and upset- people see that at times I think and take advantage of it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
One thing that AA has shown me is that I'm very sensitive/thin skinned too. Screw em Sleepie! You're better than that! You're trying to make positive changes and learn about yourself. Besides being mean..what are they doing? We're here for you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
Posts: 618
Originally Posted by Dee74
Sleepie
This is an alcoholism forum. If you have alcoholism problems we can help you - we have helped you in the past.
It's not feasible for us to be experts on everything tho.
We're all trying to help but we can't be all things to all people.
Have you thought about looking for other forums to help you with your other issues as well?
As someone whose known you a long time, it seems to me since you decided to go cut back on your meds, things have changed for you.
I think it would be a very good idea to ring your doctor and your therapist and get in and discuss your current troubles with them - get a professional viewpoint from someone who knows what they're talking about.
You're a part of the community - you have a lot of people here who care for you -
noone trying to put you down.
We're doing our best to offer you some comfort, as much as we can - please try and remember that - please don't be harsh with people who take time out to try and help you and who really genuinely care for you.
D
This is an alcoholism forum. If you have alcoholism problems we can help you - we have helped you in the past.
It's not feasible for us to be experts on everything tho.
We're all trying to help but we can't be all things to all people.
Have you thought about looking for other forums to help you with your other issues as well?
As someone whose known you a long time, it seems to me since you decided to go cut back on your meds, things have changed for you.
I think it would be a very good idea to ring your doctor and your therapist and get in and discuss your current troubles with them - get a professional viewpoint from someone who knows what they're talking about.
You're a part of the community - you have a lot of people here who care for you -
noone trying to put you down.
We're doing our best to offer you some comfort, as much as we can - please try and remember that - please don't be harsh with people who take time out to try and help you and who really genuinely care for you.
D
~God bless~
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I seem to attract the attention of passive aggressive people. I don't know why- like the guy at work. He will insist he did or did not say something- usually in the context of telling me to do something- and then blame me for either doing it or not doing it. I can't win. Today I just took a klonopin before I went to work and I came in an hour later (after calling of course)- so I gave myself that time and thought of it as an hour for me that I did not have to spend around the guy. Anyway the klonopin allowed me to distance myself. The guy started to make a mountain out of a molehill as usual about something someone said and I ignored it and then redirected the conversation- I usually try to do that and he starts accusing me of ignoring him or not sympathising for him but today for whatever reason he just dropped it. Tomorrow I have another grouchy, passive aggressive guy who gets angry if I don't chat with him and puts me down with smart a** comments if I am not acting interested enough or dare bring up something I am interested in. Basically, I work with a bunch of b***es.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
There isn't one- did I mention I work at a video store that's still around largely to it's "adult" movies? The place os trash. It's next to impossible to find any decent work here. I am trying, I am always sending out my resume. I have an education, I worked very hard to pay for it. But nobody is hiring.
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