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What is relapsing?

Old 04-22-2011, 01:54 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I remember cornering my ex while she took a bath and read her the portion of the BB where it says relapse is by no means always a bad thing, and the wife should be cheerful, loving and encouraging whenever I got drunk again.

Of course I skipped over that part about some men being insincere and will misuse the good will of others. There was no need to confuse her.

He's likely softening you up for the bad news, and setting up a return to drinking or may already be drinking.

You get to decide how much of his crap you'll swallow. It bugs me when jerks misuse AA exactly like I did.
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Old 04-22-2011, 04:21 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Thank you everyone!

I have heard him in recent weeks, months even -- pretty much from the start of when he claimed to be "wanting" to recover, talk in ways that sound a lot like relapsing of the mind to me.

I found, quite by accident, quite a stash of hidden bottles etc... yesterday (when looking for a quilt my deceased grandmother made for me to bring to my job to show a woman who knew my grandmother). I looked in this antique trunk I have and found all sorts of evidence that the "2 beers" he claimed to have relapsed on a few times in the past months most definitely weren't all there was....

His mind is not in a place any different than when he was drinking a case of beer + a night.

I appreciate hearing from those who have walked the walk that my gut telling me I am being lied to is dead on accurate.

I almost wanted to be wrong, you know... be told that what he was telling me was true... It'd be a lot easier to accept that all I have to do is change my perspective to be able to keep my marriage than accept that the way things are is not something I can live with anymore and have to walk away.

But, as I told him yesterday, whether it's easy or what I want or hope for, it's what I NEED to do so I've already made the decision to do the latter...

Thanks again everyone. I appreciate your words more than you know...
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Old 04-22-2011, 04:42 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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not only is he lying like a rug....he is being a really LAZY drunk....and disrespectful, using grandmas quilt and your antique trunk....

he doesn't have enough energy to remove the bottles from the house??? he hides them among the linens????

if it were me finding them i would have gathered them in a bag with his clothes and put them next to his car, change the locks and tell your children's therapist you are DONE with the bull-balony. what she is saying is "good" for them is actually making your life harder than it has to be, obviously she has not lived it....take that with a grain of salt and follow your instincts.

one thing i did not do was hide my drinking, (except from worrying about what the recycle man thought of me and move around to different liquor stores).
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Old 04-22-2011, 08:14 AM
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Can't add much more to what everyone has already told you.. so I'll just chime in and let you know that he's full of sh!t.. and he's an active alcoholic.

Glad you're taking the steps you need to to protect your wellbeing, and that of your children.
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Old 04-22-2011, 08:19 AM
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Just because someone is a "therapist" doesn't mean they are always right. In this case, I think your therapist is almost as full of baloney as your husband is.
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Old 04-22-2011, 08:19 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Fandy View Post
not only is he lying like a rug....he is being a really LAZY drunk....and disrespectful, using grandmas quilt and your antique trunk....

he doesn't have enough energy to remove the bottles from the house??? he hides them among the linens????

if it were me finding them i would have gathered them in a bag with his clothes and put them next to his car, change the locks and tell your children's therapist you are DONE with the bull-balony. what she is saying is "good" for them is actually making your life harder than it has to be, obviously she has not lived it....take that with a grain of salt and follow your instincts.

one thing i did not do was hide my drinking, (except from worrying about what the recycle man thought of me and move around to different liquor stores).
He's always been really lazy about his hiding-- I mean, he'd covertly dispose of some stuff but then be lazy about leaving others laying around. When I'd say something he'd have stories that were incredulous to all but him about how "old" the cans/bottles were. Or he'd play the "you're crazy, that's been there forever-- you're imagining things" game until I believed I WAS crazy.

Seeing those bottles in MY trunk, on top of MY quilt from MY grandmother (my mother's parents were the only people in my life as a kid who 'protected' me so I have a lot of heartfelt, sentimental feelings attached to things I have from them) is what made me say I'm done.

So, maybe it's good that he is lazy and disrespectful re: his drinking bc otherwise I might have stayed on the ride longer and I am glad to be getting off!

Other hiding spots- in the bathroom next to the girls bath toys, in the closet that CD's and cleaning supplies are kept in, under the bed, in a soccer bag left on top of my sewing machine just begging for me to find it and be upset (instead, when I did find it I just sat it on the counter and said nothing), the shed that the girls outdoor toys and bikes are in, his car (including the floor of the car in front of the girls car seats). Just to name a few.
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Old 04-22-2011, 12:47 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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feel free to dump them all on his driver's seat of his car...you certainly won't let him drive the children at given time...you don't KNOW when he is actually sober...don't take a chance.
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Old 04-22-2011, 07:16 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Re:Relapsing

Originally Posted by DrunkenBasement View Post
I wouldn't go as far as to say that it is part of recovery and everyone does it, but it is not uncommon. Some like to make a distinction between a "slip" and a "relapse". I think the distinction is that a relapse is more long term whereas a "slip" is maybe just one night? Not sure, and I really don't think it matters...
I don't really agree with those other quotes in your post, either. I don't think there is any way other than cold turkey to quit drinking, and I am not sure that it is common for relapses to lessen in severity... from what I have heard, when someone relapses, they go right back to the level of drinking that they were at before, or more.
Amen...stay informed and connected or stay misinformed and remain in denial. I choose informed and connected...for today.
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