High bottom alcoholic?
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Many people who abuse alcohol also have a lot of mental health issues. They can take the form of anxiety, depression, stress disorders etc. etc. Alcohol, in the long run, will only make these conditions much worse.
The paradox is that some people will attend AA or any other treatment program, conquer the alcoholism part of the equation and end up very confused as the mental health issues don't always magically dissappear with alcohol cessation, in many cases they can become even more pronounced when the crutch of alcohol is removed. The medical profession has come a long way in dealing with mental health issues and treatment is there if you seek it out.
The paradox is that some people will attend AA or any other treatment program, conquer the alcoholism part of the equation and end up very confused as the mental health issues don't always magically dissappear with alcohol cessation, in many cases they can become even more pronounced when the crutch of alcohol is removed. The medical profession has come a long way in dealing with mental health issues and treatment is there if you seek it out.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
FrothyJay: "And yes, on several occasions, the Big Book suggests controlled drinking experiments to help someone decide if they are an alcoholic."
I am one of those "controlled drinking experiement" people. The challenge: two drinks, every day, no more, no less, for six months then stop entirely. If you can do that, I was told by some AA old timers, you are not alcoholic. So religiously I measured and drank two drinks each evening every day for six months and then stopped completely. Needless to say, I was elated. I had passed the "test". I wasn't alcoholic.
That would be great if it were the end of the story.
I decided I had been making too big a deal of days long gone. My past binge drinking episodes I chalked up to the excesses of graduate school and youth. I let go of trying to control, monitor or regulate my drinking. The moment I let go of trying to control my drinking was when I came to understand that I had no control. Very quickly, I spiraled into daily drinking (3-4 drinks) with weekend binges (6-8 drinks each Friday and Saturday).
But for the grace of God, I would have continued that spiral into hell. One weekend, in the midst of my alcoholic haze, I had a thought that was as clear as clear could be. "Oh my God, I am becoming my father." My father was an alcoholic, and he drank himself to death. That was my moment of clarity. I could not drink another drink. That was April 19, 2008. April 20th will be three years.
Susan
I am one of those "controlled drinking experiement" people. The challenge: two drinks, every day, no more, no less, for six months then stop entirely. If you can do that, I was told by some AA old timers, you are not alcoholic. So religiously I measured and drank two drinks each evening every day for six months and then stopped completely. Needless to say, I was elated. I had passed the "test". I wasn't alcoholic.
That would be great if it were the end of the story.
I decided I had been making too big a deal of days long gone. My past binge drinking episodes I chalked up to the excesses of graduate school and youth. I let go of trying to control, monitor or regulate my drinking. The moment I let go of trying to control my drinking was when I came to understand that I had no control. Very quickly, I spiraled into daily drinking (3-4 drinks) with weekend binges (6-8 drinks each Friday and Saturday).
But for the grace of God, I would have continued that spiral into hell. One weekend, in the midst of my alcoholic haze, I had a thought that was as clear as clear could be. "Oh my God, I am becoming my father." My father was an alcoholic, and he drank himself to death. That was my moment of clarity. I could not drink another drink. That was April 19, 2008. April 20th will be three years.
Susan
Last edited by susanlauren; 04-17-2011 at 08:40 PM. Reason: clarification/ typos
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by oak 
Hunt307, Welcome to SR!!!
Thanks for posting. I also question if I'm an alcoholic, mostly because I drank so little in my life. I also had times when I could drink one or two and stop without problems. There were also times when I drank way too much (though not everyday) or obsessed about alcohol. I also have a 'high bottom'; however, it was low for me and for the way that I want to live my life.
You mentioned wanting non-drinking friends. I assume non-drinking friends will help you stay sober. You could also find ways to meet others (hobbies, local classes, meetup.com, whatever is available in your location). That might help you decide if there is something you get from AA besides sober friends (like if the program or meetings are helpful). However, I think it is okay to go just to get sober friends since having sober friends will help you not drink also. (the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking)
The fact that the negative consequences from drinking were 5 or more years ago does not mean that there weren't negative consequences. The first time that I joined AA was after not drinking for 8 years, yet I still found it helpful. You could also try alternative recovery groups (SMART, etc) and see if you feel like they are a better fit for you.
I can totally identify with not wanting to be fake. Are there one or two people in the meetings that you could talk to about your concerns?
Good luck in your journey!
Thanks for posting. I also question if I'm an alcoholic, mostly because I drank so little in my life. I also had times when I could drink one or two and stop without problems. There were also times when I drank way too much (though not everyday) or obsessed about alcohol. I also have a 'high bottom'; however, it was low for me and for the way that I want to live my life.
You mentioned wanting non-drinking friends. I assume non-drinking friends will help you stay sober. You could also find ways to meet others (hobbies, local classes, meetup.com, whatever is available in your location). That might help you decide if there is something you get from AA besides sober friends (like if the program or meetings are helpful). However, I think it is okay to go just to get sober friends since having sober friends will help you not drink also. (the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking)
The fact that the negative consequences from drinking were 5 or more years ago does not mean that there weren't negative consequences. The first time that I joined AA was after not drinking for 8 years, yet I still found it helpful. You could also try alternative recovery groups (SMART, etc) and see if you feel like they are a better fit for you.
I can totally identify with not wanting to be fake. Are there one or two people in the meetings that you could talk to about your concerns?
Good luck in your journey!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by susanlauren
FrothyJay: "And yes, on several occasions, the Big Book suggests controlled drinking experiments to help someone decide if they are an alcoholic."
I am one of those "controlled drinking experiement" people. The challenge: two drinks, every day, no more, no less, for six months then stop entirely. If you can do that, I was told by some AA old timers, you are not alcoholic. So religiously I measured and drank two drinks each evening every day for six months and then stopped completely. Needless to say, I was elated. I had passed the "test". I wasn't alcoholic.
That would be great if it were the end of the story.
I decided I had been making too big a deal of days long gone. My past binge drinking episodes I chalked up to the excesses of graduate school and youth. I let go of trying to control, monitor or regulate my drinking. The moment I let go of trying to control my drinking was when I came to understand that I had no control. Very quickly, I spiraled into daily drinking (3-4 drinks) with weekend binges (6-8 drinks each Friday and Saturday).
But for the grace of God, I would have continued that spiral into hell. One weekend, in the midst of my alcoholic haze, I had a thought that was as clear as clear could be. "Oh my God, I am becoming my father." My father was an alcoholic, and he drank himself to death. That was my moment of clarity. I could not drink another drink. That was April 19, 2008. April 20th will be three years.
Susan
I am one of those "controlled drinking experiement" people. The challenge: two drinks, every day, no more, no less, for six months then stop entirely. If you can do that, I was told by some AA old timers, you are not alcoholic. So religiously I measured and drank two drinks each evening every day for six months and then stopped completely. Needless to say, I was elated. I had passed the "test". I wasn't alcoholic.
That would be great if it were the end of the story.
I decided I had been making too big a deal of days long gone. My past binge drinking episodes I chalked up to the excesses of graduate school and youth. I let go of trying to control, monitor or regulate my drinking. The moment I let go of trying to control my drinking was when I came to understand that I had no control. Very quickly, I spiraled into daily drinking (3-4 drinks) with weekend binges (6-8 drinks each Friday and Saturday).
But for the grace of God, I would have continued that spiral into hell. One weekend, in the midst of my alcoholic haze, I had a thought that was as clear as clear could be. "Oh my God, I am becoming my father." My father was an alcoholic, and he drank himself to death. That was my moment of clarity. I could not drink another drink. That was April 19, 2008. April 20th will be three years.
Susan
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by peggy125
I can relate. I have rarely drank since Jan. 2005 when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. By rarely, I mean I've been drunk 2-3 times in since 2005 and have had a drink with dinner 2-3 times a year since then. I'm now a mother of 3 little girls and I worry what will happen when they get older and don't need me as much. I think I don't drink now because I have so much to keep me busy. But shortly before discovering I was pregnant I was drinking alone when my husband wasn't home. I fear that once the girls are gone I will start drinking again and sink even deeper than I was before. I have no experience with AA so I can't offer any advice there. But I guess my point is that if your drinking is a problem to you then that's all that really matters if you're trying to recover. Good luck and I hope you're able to find peace!
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 333
Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne
Many people who abuse alcohol also have a lot of mental health issues. They can take the form of anxiety, depression, stress disorders etc. etc. Alcohol, in the long run, will only make these conditions much worse.
The paradox is that some people will attend AA or any other treatment program, conquer the alcoholism part of the equation and end up very confused as the mental health issues don't always magically dissappear with alcohol cessation, in many cases they can become even more pronounced when the crutch of alcohol is removed. The medical profession has come a long way in dealing with mental health issues and treatment is there if you seek it out.
The paradox is that some people will attend AA or any other treatment program, conquer the alcoholism part of the equation and end up very confused as the mental health issues don't always magically dissappear with alcohol cessation, in many cases they can become even more pronounced when the crutch of alcohol is removed. The medical profession has come a long way in dealing with mental health issues and treatment is there if you seek it out.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
We addicts think differently. Logic that seems insane to others can land us drunk again.
I had quit smoking 15 years earlier and very proud of myself. Went to stay with a friend in another city for four days and forgot he's a heavy smoker. So I decided I'd have one or two per day while there and then quit again.
After I'd returned home about three days I realized wow! I hadn't thought of cigarettes at all. So I went out and bought a pack.
I had quit smoking 15 years earlier and very proud of myself. Went to stay with a friend in another city for four days and forgot he's a heavy smoker. So I decided I'd have one or two per day while there and then quit again.
After I'd returned home about three days I realized wow! I hadn't thought of cigarettes at all. So I went out and bought a pack.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 3
hi everyone, first time user of the forums here, wanted to respond to original poster
hunt, I was contemplating the question you asked for myself as well, and I decided that I didn't care what others thought, I needed to do it for me. I meet enough requirements, namely, I have a desire to stop drinking (and not start again).
for me, I always thought that I "wasn't that bad". But then one day I realised I needed to say "yet" at the end. and I said to myself 'really? you are going to wait until you lose everything you love and everything you worked for? really!??!' that was bottom for me. I don't have horror stories of jail or dui's to tell....yet. thank God.
hunt, I was contemplating the question you asked for myself as well, and I decided that I didn't care what others thought, I needed to do it for me. I meet enough requirements, namely, I have a desire to stop drinking (and not start again).
for me, I always thought that I "wasn't that bad". But then one day I realised I needed to say "yet" at the end. and I said to myself 'really? you are going to wait until you lose everything you love and everything you worked for? really!??!' that was bottom for me. I don't have horror stories of jail or dui's to tell....yet. thank God.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 22
Hi Everyone,
I just signed up for this site today. I LOVE this particular thread. I also do not have any arrests, DUIs, etc. However, I strongly believe I have a problem although my "social drinker" friends and family try to convince me that I am fine (just like them) since I function in society, keep a job, etc. I, very much like many of you, have tried to control/quit my drinking on my own, but it's just not working. I wake up 2-3 days a week upset with myself for having that 3rd, 4th, 5th glass of wine when I only intended to have 1/2.
Considering attending my first meeting tonight. I am terrified, but it's time to make a change. You all have inspired me and made me realize we don't have to be a daily drunken felon to seek help.
I just signed up for this site today. I LOVE this particular thread. I also do not have any arrests, DUIs, etc. However, I strongly believe I have a problem although my "social drinker" friends and family try to convince me that I am fine (just like them) since I function in society, keep a job, etc. I, very much like many of you, have tried to control/quit my drinking on my own, but it's just not working. I wake up 2-3 days a week upset with myself for having that 3rd, 4th, 5th glass of wine when I only intended to have 1/2.
Considering attending my first meeting tonight. I am terrified, but it's time to make a change. You all have inspired me and made me realize we don't have to be a daily drunken felon to seek help.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Originally Posted by BakoGal
Hi Everyone,
I just signed up for this site today. I LOVE this particular thread. I also do not have any arrests, DUIs, etc. However, I strongly believe I have a problem although my "social drinker" friends and family try to convince me that I am fine (just like them) since I function in society, keep a job, etc. I, very much like many of you, have tried to control/quit my drinking on my own, but it's just not working. I wake up 2-3 days a week upset with myself for having that 3rd, 4th, 5th glass of wine when I only intended to have 1/2.
Considering attending my first meeting tonight. I am terrified, but it's time to make a change. You all have inspired me and made me realize we don't have to be a daily drunken felon to seek help.
I just signed up for this site today. I LOVE this particular thread. I also do not have any arrests, DUIs, etc. However, I strongly believe I have a problem although my "social drinker" friends and family try to convince me that I am fine (just like them) since I function in society, keep a job, etc. I, very much like many of you, have tried to control/quit my drinking on my own, but it's just not working. I wake up 2-3 days a week upset with myself for having that 3rd, 4th, 5th glass of wine when I only intended to have 1/2.
Considering attending my first meeting tonight. I am terrified, but it's time to make a change. You all have inspired me and made me realize we don't have to be a daily drunken felon to seek help.
Normal drinkers do not have these thoughts.
Good luck with the meeting. Try to identify with the thought-processes you hear (the insanity) rather than the outcomes (DUIs, divorces, etc.). There is no rule that alcoholism can only be treated after tragedy occurs.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
Originally Posted by BakoGal
However, I strongly believe I have a problem although my "social drinker" friends and family try to convince me that I am fine (just like them) since I function in society, keep a job, etc. I, very much like many of you, have tried to control/quit my drinking on my own, but it's just not working.
My sponsor's parents don't understand why she "still has to go to those meetings." She has been sober for 7 years.
Good for you for listening to your own intuition, we are our own best judge.
GG
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 28
I always look at it like smoking. I've given up smoking a few times in my life, the last time was properly for good. The interesting thing is, if I started again I'd be back to 20-30 a day within a week. I know this from experience.
I treat alcohol in the same way. It doesn't bother me at all, I don't crave, although sometimes I crave oblivion which is different. But I know that, for me, alcohol acts like tobacco, and if I started drinking again it would be only a matter of time before I was drinking more than I wanted.
Just because alcohol doesn't affect others in the way it affects me is just evidence of the variability that makes people "interesting"
That's pretty much all I have to remember.
I treat alcohol in the same way. It doesn't bother me at all, I don't crave, although sometimes I crave oblivion which is different. But I know that, for me, alcohol acts like tobacco, and if I started drinking again it would be only a matter of time before I was drinking more than I wanted.
Just because alcohol doesn't affect others in the way it affects me is just evidence of the variability that makes people "interesting"
That's pretty much all I have to remember.
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