Asking for thoughts and/or prayers
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Asking for thoughts and/or prayers
Hi friends,
I'm really good at helping others but I'm working on helping myself and learning to ask for help. So in that respect I am asking for positive thoughts and prayers for those so inclined.
I am in a very bad financial situation with no apparent solutions except possibly bankruptcy. I am not going to drink over this, but it is rather enlightening to see what real anxiety feels like as opposed to alcohol induced anxiety...lol.
The roots of my financial distress are firmly rooted in my drinking. I had hoped by now I would have found a solution but sadly I have not.
So I guess what I would like is thoughts and prayers for resolution in the best possible way and maybe a winning lottery ticket while you are at it
Thanks all!
I'm really good at helping others but I'm working on helping myself and learning to ask for help. So in that respect I am asking for positive thoughts and prayers for those so inclined.
I am in a very bad financial situation with no apparent solutions except possibly bankruptcy. I am not going to drink over this, but it is rather enlightening to see what real anxiety feels like as opposed to alcohol induced anxiety...lol.
The roots of my financial distress are firmly rooted in my drinking. I had hoped by now I would have found a solution but sadly I have not.
So I guess what I would like is thoughts and prayers for resolution in the best possible way and maybe a winning lottery ticket while you are at it
Thanks all!
Last edited by Dee74; 04-16-2011 at 02:14 PM.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
i'm sure on of the mods will fix the title for you if you ask.
i'm sorry for the problems and have been there myself at one time, it is not fun. i would suggest that you sit down with a qualified unbiased financial person, (accountant or tax attorney) and have them give you the best option.
you want to protect your assets and savings and get back on track...the only thing i know not to suggest is one of those advertised debt consolidation people...i've watched a lot of shows on TV that show them as scams.
good luck on finding the right person to help you....(i have names of people i deal with but they are in Joisey)
i'm sorry for the problems and have been there myself at one time, it is not fun. i would suggest that you sit down with a qualified unbiased financial person, (accountant or tax attorney) and have them give you the best option.
you want to protect your assets and savings and get back on track...the only thing i know not to suggest is one of those advertised debt consolidation people...i've watched a lot of shows on TV that show them as scams.
good luck on finding the right person to help you....(i have names of people i deal with but they are in Joisey)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 139
Thoughts and prayers sent. Bankruptcy is no picnic but its not the end of the world. Don't do it if you dont have to. However, if you have to, many people find its a relief when they finally do. I almost did it once myslef after my divorce but instead worked and stressed for a whole year. Sometimes I think I would have been better off filing than putting myself through the stress. Do what you have to, and don't stress.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
I am going to see my tax guy today, thank goodness for the extra days this year (18th).
I'll find out if I'm burried or not, I'll pray for you and me, I don't usually buy lotto tickets but I'll buy one to see if it's the winning one you speak of
if so I'll keep you in mind, no joke.
I'll find out if I'm burried or not, I'll pray for you and me, I don't usually buy lotto tickets but I'll buy one to see if it's the winning one you speak of
if so I'll keep you in mind, no joke.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
LaFemme..I am sorry you are going through this..I am not sure what we are looking at ..Years ago husband #1 told me he had mailed in our taxes to the IRS..but DIDN'T...he was a millwright and didn't work all the time..towards the end he told me he decided he wanted to be a house spouse. I think my exact response was MY @SS! We split..I continued to work and the IRS imposed a tax levy from hell ON MY INCOME! I thought I was going to be a bag lady..two kids..day care ..didn't have much net pay by the time they were done with me. Took a few yrs to get dig out of that hole. I ended up having to hire an attorney ..we got a workable payment plan 5,000.00 later. I also got a payment plan to pay the attorney. Credit card debt...called them up one by one. Got lower interest rates and slashed the hell out of the actual cards. They worked with me. I think they would rather get something rather than nothing at all. Let's move on to medical bills. I had insurance but still had ALOT of out of pocket expense. Told them I could only send x dollar amount per month..It took alot of phone calls..I cried alot. Many sleepless nights..took on a second job that paid sh!t but it was still extra income. I had a kind friend that watched my daughters at night with no charge. In return I gave her some clothes that the girls had outgrown for her kids..and watched her kids when she was in a bind. All in all..It was a good 10 yrs before I could breath again. By the way..through all this I made DAMN sure I had money for booze. Not good. I just thought of something..it was an act of God for sure. This guy at work had a rental house available. I hadn't known it but had told him (bursting into tears) about my predicament. He offered the house to me for very low rent. That saved us too...I hope you find a way out. I put myself thru hell stressing over all of it. I will be praying for you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I feel for you, girl..... I was in the same situation right after getting sober. I'm sure some of it was due to drinking, but the economy the past few years has been really tough on artists. I was living on credit cards and facing losing my house (my only asset). I went through every possible solution/scenario and spent days in high-stress mode. In the end my parents gave me money to get me through one month and saved my mortgage. I'm not out of the woods by any means, but grateful to have my house for now (which is also my studio, so I've got to have the space necessary to work). I can tell you, I've worked my butt off since last summer to turn things around and am still working on it. No hangovers have really helped.
It's very stressful, I know. When I was married with two toddlers and husband was fresh out of chiropractic school, we have to declare bankruptcy as well because he had incurred lots of expenses setting up a practice and just couldn't get enough patients to sustain it.
Isn't that the truth? I'm so grateful we're sober going through these things. The stress is totally different...... we may be going through a bit of hell, but at least the hell isn't inside us....... It feels different having problems than being the problem, if you know what I mean.
Sometimes there's no easy way out. Trust yourself to make the right decision - there are consequences from bankruptcy that stay with you for a few years, but it might also be the fresh start you desperately need right now. Sending lots of prayers and hugs........ remember to take this one day at a time, too.:ghug3
It's very stressful, I know. When I was married with two toddlers and husband was fresh out of chiropractic school, we have to declare bankruptcy as well because he had incurred lots of expenses setting up a practice and just couldn't get enough patients to sustain it.
it is rather enlightening to see what real anxiety feels like as opposed to alcohol induced anxiety...lol.
Sometimes there's no easy way out. Trust yourself to make the right decision - there are consequences from bankruptcy that stay with you for a few years, but it might also be the fresh start you desperately need right now. Sending lots of prayers and hugs........ remember to take this one day at a time, too.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
Financials!!!
I am good giving "financial advice" to others, but I rarely practice what I preach when it comes to managing my own.
The theory is though:
( what has a * next to it means I am doing. )
1. Eliminate all credit cards, and start fresh, this includes a new bank. *
1a. Have a debit card, means if no money, no spend. *
2. No direct debits, pay cash, if they don't want cash or insist on direct debit, refuse and find another service or whatever that does accept cash*
3. Save 10% of ANY income, (includes winnings) and survive on the 90%
4. Build your savings step by step to $100.00, but if you have let's say $90.00, it is infact an imaginary -$10.00
When you have $100.00 saved, it is actually $00.00 ballance.
This is so you have a "buffer" of $100.00.
Build this up to $1000.00, so if you are $900.00, you are in fact -$100.00
When you hit $1000.00, your are then $0000.00
So, $1001.00, you are $1.00 "rich" ! ( do not spend the whole $1.00, spend 90 cents. (or 90%) and so on.
Aim for the "golden brick" $5000.00, then you have a very stable "buffer".
So if you are $4,000.00, you are actually -$1000.00, even though you have in reality $4,000.00, your real goal is $5,000.00
I have reached it once, then bought a car that needed constant repairs, thinking I will continue this savings theory. nada nada.
Ok, that is the savings plan, call it "accumilating wealth" plan using the
10%/90& rule.
The trick is, save the 10% first, then sepnd the 90%, not the other way round, thinking you will spend 90% and keep the 10%.
Because once we are on a spending spree, we lose the lot!
When bills come along, you can tap into the accumilated 10%, but only for vital bills. Rent is not a bill, rent comes out of the 90% of income.
Remeber, save 10% first and live off the 90%.
Get to $5000.00 "golden brick".
From that "golden brick", you are then allowed to spend as rewards AFTER the brick has accumilated more. So if it goes to $6000.00, then spend $1000.00
Never break the brick!
If that $1000.00 from the brick goes to let's say, gambling and you win, winning is "income". Same deal, take 10% of your winnings and put back into the brick, and keep spending or gambling the rest of your winnings.
Each time you win, keep that 10%.
When you blow all your $1,000.00, do not go back to the brick to chase your losses.
You are actually infront, maybe $100.00, so in effect you will have $5,100. Wait till you acumilate $6000.00 again, then play.
You can increase the size of the brick then to 6000.00, then go to 7000.00 and spend/gamble 1000.00, but don't break the 6000.00 "golden brick".
The problem, **
seems to be, getting a source of income and able to survive on 90% of your income.**
The other problem is, if you are alcoholic, and let's say you reach that 6000.00 mark, spend 1000.00 on booze, you may end up "liquordating" the entire brick! and you will be left with nothing.
If you gamble, ( roulette wheel), there is a better chance of getting a return and you are sober to realize to not break the "golden brick" of $5,000.00
You can walk away from a roulette wheel.
So best to not drink and gamble.
The other form of "gambling" is give $1,000.00 to a professional financial investor, let them to the gambling for you.
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let the financial investor know you have a $5,000.00 "golden brick", they will want it all and you then have no power, all gone no matter what they try to tell you.
As far as praying goes, pray anyway with this plan in mind,
and in the prayer's reply you may see what needs trimming.
My bet is, trim the gambling.
I am good giving "financial advice" to others, but I rarely practice what I preach when it comes to managing my own.
The theory is though:
( what has a * next to it means I am doing. )
1. Eliminate all credit cards, and start fresh, this includes a new bank. *
1a. Have a debit card, means if no money, no spend. *
2. No direct debits, pay cash, if they don't want cash or insist on direct debit, refuse and find another service or whatever that does accept cash*
3. Save 10% of ANY income, (includes winnings) and survive on the 90%
4. Build your savings step by step to $100.00, but if you have let's say $90.00, it is infact an imaginary -$10.00
When you have $100.00 saved, it is actually $00.00 ballance.
This is so you have a "buffer" of $100.00.
Build this up to $1000.00, so if you are $900.00, you are in fact -$100.00
When you hit $1000.00, your are then $0000.00
So, $1001.00, you are $1.00 "rich" ! ( do not spend the whole $1.00, spend 90 cents. (or 90%) and so on.
Aim for the "golden brick" $5000.00, then you have a very stable "buffer".
So if you are $4,000.00, you are actually -$1000.00, even though you have in reality $4,000.00, your real goal is $5,000.00
I have reached it once, then bought a car that needed constant repairs, thinking I will continue this savings theory. nada nada.
Ok, that is the savings plan, call it "accumilating wealth" plan using the
10%/90& rule.
The trick is, save the 10% first, then sepnd the 90%, not the other way round, thinking you will spend 90% and keep the 10%.
Because once we are on a spending spree, we lose the lot!
When bills come along, you can tap into the accumilated 10%, but only for vital bills. Rent is not a bill, rent comes out of the 90% of income.
Remeber, save 10% first and live off the 90%.
Get to $5000.00 "golden brick".
From that "golden brick", you are then allowed to spend as rewards AFTER the brick has accumilated more. So if it goes to $6000.00, then spend $1000.00
Never break the brick!
If that $1000.00 from the brick goes to let's say, gambling and you win, winning is "income". Same deal, take 10% of your winnings and put back into the brick, and keep spending or gambling the rest of your winnings.
Each time you win, keep that 10%.
When you blow all your $1,000.00, do not go back to the brick to chase your losses.
You are actually infront, maybe $100.00, so in effect you will have $5,100. Wait till you acumilate $6000.00 again, then play.
You can increase the size of the brick then to 6000.00, then go to 7000.00 and spend/gamble 1000.00, but don't break the 6000.00 "golden brick".
The problem, **
seems to be, getting a source of income and able to survive on 90% of your income.**
The other problem is, if you are alcoholic, and let's say you reach that 6000.00 mark, spend 1000.00 on booze, you may end up "liquordating" the entire brick! and you will be left with nothing.
If you gamble, ( roulette wheel), there is a better chance of getting a return and you are sober to realize to not break the "golden brick" of $5,000.00
You can walk away from a roulette wheel.
So best to not drink and gamble.
The other form of "gambling" is give $1,000.00 to a professional financial investor, let them to the gambling for you.
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let the financial investor know you have a $5,000.00 "golden brick", they will want it all and you then have no power, all gone no matter what they try to tell you.
As far as praying goes, pray anyway with this plan in mind,
and in the prayer's reply you may see what needs trimming.
My bet is, trim the gambling.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Wow...thanks for all the advice and positive thoughts.
Fandy....I am definitely going to look for a money man to talk to...I have tried to figure it out on my own and its time to seek professional help.
I don't know if its good or bad but I have zero savings (I drank those) and no assets. Have credit card debt and bills to pay...I already work 2 jobs...not sure how I could fit in a third.
It helps a little to hear that others have gone through this too.
Artsoul...I like the idea of it being a fresh start...maybe bankruptcy isn't the worst possible thing...except for my parents being shamed by this.
I'm at the studio trying to finish a couple commissions so I can get paid for them.
Thank you for all the support...it means the world to me
Fandy....I am definitely going to look for a money man to talk to...I have tried to figure it out on my own and its time to seek professional help.
I don't know if its good or bad but I have zero savings (I drank those
) and no assets. Have credit card debt and bills to pay...I already work 2 jobs...not sure how I could fit in a third.It helps a little to hear that others have gone through this too.
Artsoul...I like the idea of it being a fresh start...maybe bankruptcy isn't the worst possible thing...except for my parents being shamed by this.
I'm at the studio trying to finish a couple commissions so I can get paid for them.
Thank you for all the support...it means the world to me
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
LaFemme - Firstly, prayers.
Secondly, I've observed no shortage of wise, healthy perspective in your posts but do not want to assume you couldn't benefit from a reminder that this too shall pass. Your sober self is fully sufficient to repair the financial devestation left behind by your drinking self. You did not write the script on alcoholism, and if forced into bankruptcy by a debtor you will not write the script on BK. People with far less resolve than yourself have ultimately found success follwing a financial "do over". How much more then will you, a seasoned, determined, recovering alcoholic prosper??
Secondly, I've observed no shortage of wise, healthy perspective in your posts but do not want to assume you couldn't benefit from a reminder that this too shall pass. Your sober self is fully sufficient to repair the financial devestation left behind by your drinking self. You did not write the script on alcoholism, and if forced into bankruptcy by a debtor you will not write the script on BK. People with far less resolve than yourself have ultimately found success follwing a financial "do over". How much more then will you, a seasoned, determined, recovering alcoholic prosper??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Lol Pete....good plan
I don't drink, gamble or have credit cards...although I have old CC debt.
I buy 1 lottery ticket maybe twice a month when I'm feeling down. That's the extent of my gambling
I like the 10/90 rule idea...but as you said its getting enough income to get there. I don't shop frivolously ...only buying essentials. I am as frugal as I can possibly be...although I keep trying to trim the last bit of fat out of my food budget...figuratively and literally.
What bugs me...and I can't understand is how I made ends meet when I drank...admittedly I did this poorly, hence my current situation but I still did it. I was drinking and smoking almost $900 a month...I haven't done either in 9+....how come I can't save any of that $?
I don't drink, gamble or have credit cards...although I have old CC debt.
I buy 1 lottery ticket maybe twice a month when I'm feeling down. That's the extent of my gambling
I like the 10/90 rule idea...but as you said its getting enough income to get there. I don't shop frivolously ...only buying essentials. I am as frugal as I can possibly be...although I keep trying to trim the last bit of fat out of my food budget...figuratively and literally.
What bugs me...and I can't understand is how I made ends meet when I drank...admittedly I did this poorly, hence my current situation but I still did it. I was drinking and smoking almost $900 a month...I haven't done either in 9+....how come I can't save any of that $?
Ethanol Intolerant
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
Originally Posted by LaFemme 
I like the idea of it being a fresh start...maybe bankruptcy isn't the worst possible thing...except for my parents being shamed by this.
It is all just stuff, whether you go bankrupt, or win the lottery, it is still just you. I know you can get through this. You may have to do something you do not want to, but you will be fine.
Best wishes, coming your way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
About twenty years back I started building up massive debt from buying Music equipment. About five years after that I realized there was no break coming and I still had the huge pile of debt. I figured I would pay that off right away with an advance but that's gambling with life huh? I had to make the choice you have to make about bankruptcy as well and I chose the slightly less damaging path of credit counseling. It took five years to pay it all off but now ten years since then I have great credit. This may be the way back for you as well LaFemme.
When I did it they were called Genus but I believe they are now called American Financial Solutions. I'll post a link here.
Debt Counseling : Debt Consolidation : Credit Counseling : Debt Solutions - American Financial Solutions
Keep us posted how you do. I'm glad to hear you don't plan on drinking away your worries. I did enough of that for both of us
When I did it they were called Genus but I believe they are now called American Financial Solutions. I'll post a link here.
Debt Counseling : Debt Consolidation : Credit Counseling : Debt Solutions - American Financial Solutions
Keep us posted how you do. I'm glad to hear you don't plan on drinking away your worries. I did enough of that for both of us
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Thanks for the link Sudz!
Don't worry...if there is one good out of this is that it makes alcohol even less appealing...that's how I got in this mess! And I think I already filled my alcohol quota for this life and maybe the next 4 as well
Don't worry...if there is one good out of this is that it makes alcohol even less appealing...that's how I got in this mess! And I think I already filled my alcohol quota for this life and maybe the next 4 as well
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
You're in my thoughts, LaF. 
Lots of good advice here in this thread & I relate to the pain and stress of this type of worry. I spent countless nights awake because of it, wondering how on earth I would pay my bills. I will only add what my grandparents always told me -- that a penny saved is even MORE than a penny earned. More like two pennies. I don't know if there are corners to cut but downsizing living space or taking in a roommate, selling off unneeded belongings, having a rice & bean night once a week . . I love to google "money saving ideas" to get good ideas for maximizing the budget & am addicted to sites like groupon, restaurant.com & social living for deals for when I do need to get out of the house. My boyfriend and I make very, very little money but using these tools we have managed to save up a little. I know you're working really hard these days & you have so much to be proud of, so hang in there. I will be thinking about you & adding you to my list of non-God-directed nightly wishing/hoping.
Lots of good advice here in this thread & I relate to the pain and stress of this type of worry. I spent countless nights awake because of it, wondering how on earth I would pay my bills. I will only add what my grandparents always told me -- that a penny saved is even MORE than a penny earned. More like two pennies. I don't know if there are corners to cut but downsizing living space or taking in a roommate, selling off unneeded belongings, having a rice & bean night once a week . . I love to google "money saving ideas" to get good ideas for maximizing the budget & am addicted to sites like groupon, restaurant.com & social living for deals for when I do need to get out of the house. My boyfriend and I make very, very little money but using these tools we have managed to save up a little. I know you're working really hard these days & you have so much to be proud of, so hang in there. I will be thinking about you & adding you to my list of non-God-directed nightly wishing/hoping.
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