GreviousAngel

It's witching hour and I am listening to the siren's call. Tonight it's an icy bottle of Hefeweizen, poured into a frosty 16 oz. glass. In 3 minutes I could be at the bar, with Bruno The Belgian filling my glass. One more, and I can usually stop and make it home on foot, full of 32 oz of 8 or 9% beer. In fact, I am pretty damn sure I can. I have been, off and on, for a few weeks now. See, I can moderate, which proves that I am am not an alcoholic. Really, it's just a few beers. What's wrong with that?

Ok, so once or twice I fell into a conversation with a new friend, and had a few more. He lit up a cigarette, so I had one. God, I love smoking. It'll be just like the time I spend in Puebla, Mexico, when we would stroll around the Zocalo after dinner, and each have one cigarette. Same thing. One beer, one cigarette. Maybe one more, or I'll split it with you.

Do you want to try this Dunkelweisse? It's a big bottle, let's get two glasses and share.

You're British? I though so. Midlands? I can always tell the accent. The problem with America is 12 oz. bottles. 12 ounces if a ridiculous serving size, if you ask me. Now, in Old Blighty they know how to pour a beer. A pint is the perfect serving size. Waste of time, these American bottles.

A pint of bitter? Listen, the worst thing about The Colonies is that no one even knows what bitter is. Damn right I'll have a pint of bitter. I knew this bar was a find. Cheers!

All right, then. Closing time. No, it IS late, but, how often do you meet someone from Britain who really knows what a pint of bitter is? I've had a great time - you in here tomorrow? Traveling? Pity. Me? no, tonight was a lucky fluke.

Maybe I'll see you around. I can walk from here, but, could I bum a smoke for the hike?

***

If I can stay in tonight, I will wake up early, exercise, and have a killer day at work. If I weaken, I will probably have only two drinks, wake up at 3:30 AM and not be able to fall asleep. I will be dehydrated, and I will be slightly nauseated most of the day. I will not be the funny, creative person I usually am. I will be quiet and sour. I will manage to get my work done, by now it's like falling off a log, but I will miss an opportunity I should have seen. I will wish I could travel back to last night and slap myself.

Sudz No More

You are dancing with the Devil mate. Tread carefully.

GreviousAngel

Yes, I know. I have fallen in before. I climbed out, and lived on terra firma for years. Back then, I couldn't even see the edge from where I pitched my life. But, as I have come to learn, The past is never dead. It's not even past.

-GA

Genjen

Honestly I thought that was great writing OP....you're talented.

suki44883

I hope you'll stay in tonight.

ANEWAUGUST

GA-

You certainly have a flair for writing. I have several of your posts.

However, I am confused as to what is past tense, and what is present.

Are you recanting previous drinking episodes, or are you currently drinking?

OklaBH

You are a great writer. So did u go back out tonight?

OklaBH

So what is a pint of bitter?

GreviousAngel

Almost everything I post is in the past, usually 20-30 years ago. I've been unwinding my memories, mostly as an exercise to figure out how I got to where I am. Pretty much any story took place long ago.

There are some posts that are not stories; these chronicle my current danse macabre, one toe over the line. After years maybe 15-20 or so of being clean and sometimes serene, I stepped off the wagon with a jaunty tread.

The odd thing is, now, I really don't have much trouble moderating, I can, and do, stop.

What I can't do, and this makes me crazy, is not have that first one. Mine is a profession that depends on drinking as the currency of friendship, and I as I have climbed the ladder, I have re-joined this club. This is a weak excuse; I made it without this before.

All it takes is 2 beers for me to feel it the next day, though 2 beers is within the realm of normal drinking.

-GA

CarolD

What are you currently doing to quit drinking?

I did change jobs to protect my early sobriety and
yes I did change my drinking social circle too.

Moderation is not what SR is about.
We are here to offer support and information for
those interested in stopping alcohol.

stillnotdrinkin

I used to half jokingly say that heavy drinking is OK as long as it is done in moderation.

recycle

Then WTF are you doing here? I think it is great that you think you are gifted writer, but seriously, do you think this is really what SR is about?

CarolD

stillnotdrinkin...welcome to our Alcoholism forum ...

I noticed your post in Newcomers ..I too found
"Under The Influence" extremely useful ..in fact
the info there convinced me to finally quit.

The eating plan + supplements got me back in both physical
and mental balance rather quickly....IMO
I did them with an OK from my doctor.


All my best

FBL

I learned that the more I romanticized my drinking past, the harder it was for me to stop.

CarolD

Excellent point true for most of us too.

So....this thread is closed ..it's not about recovery.

Let's all go find someone we can assist with their journy.