Genjen

...had the "effits", knew I should have gone to my meeting and chose not to, I have felt like crap the past two days, hating myself, etc etc and numbed it all with a bottle last night.

All I have wanted to do the past two days is cry, and things aren't that bad in my life...wth is wrong with me.

Bikeguy

Sorry about your slip up, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back at it. You can do this!

rws177

Hey I have been there before myself. Nothing is worth drinking over and hopefully this "slip" or "relapse" will help you realize that. About 30days or so I did the same thing and was asking myself the same question, "what is wrong with me"....I have come the to the conclusion that alcoholism is a disease and I have to treat it daily or it will kill me. Hope you feel better.

Fandy

I'm sorry. you know you made a poor choice and obviously the answer wasn't in the bottle. we all have days where we feel craptastic for no reason. drinking only adds to the bad feelings.

all i can echo is that you can learn what not to do in the future.
feel better today.

aasharon90

A meeting would have helped, or calling someone,
did you come here to SR and share what was going
on in ur life and why you felt squirrely and wanted
to drink? Did you have alcohol in reach at home or
did you go out to get it? If it was in reach then that
for me in early recovery would have been a disaster.
I was going thru so many ups and downs in early
recovery that Im glad alcohol was out of my home.
If I had an urge to drink, I had a choice either to
drive to get some which takes time to think about
what I really wanted to do at that time. During that
time I got my butt to a meeting or called or if i had
had SR I would have come here first.

I did find other outlets to calm me down before picking
up poison that would and almost killed me. I went to
a park to jog and meditate. Exercising is good. Anything
to get ur mind off of what is going on with you at that time.

Today you have time to make the right choice in ur recovery.

We, in SR are here to help and guide you thru difficult
times in early recovery so you never have to go thru anything
alone again.

Zencat

Unfortunately a relapse can happen, although it can be avoided.

The F-its are a real killer for me. When I choose to drink instead of staying with my addiction treatment plan, at those times I need to reexamine my commitment to sobriety.

Genjen

Thanks everyone...I've been doing a meeting almost every night the past two weeks and things were going pretty well...I can't really say exactly what triggered me other than an accumulation of being exhausted emotionally and mentally, just all hit me at once.

mirage

(((Genjen)))..glad you're stickin with us. I think sometimes it can be a learning process. Don't be too hard on yourself..maybe there's something to be learned. :ghug3

Fandy

i think it is good that you came right back to wanting to be sober...next time the Phucketts knock on your door, do not open it.

Stride34

Focusing on what you did or didn't do right before you drank is important, but we relapse well before we actually relapse. Run the entire picture through you head again, were you working a strong recovery in the time leading up to this, or did you slip back into any old thoughts/ behaviors?

GettingStronger2

am sorry to hear it, Gen. But here you are, right away. Make sure you reach out when those feelings hit -- be it here, a meeting or calling someone. You don't want to get yourself caught in the cycle of quitting for a period and slipping, and repeat.

Take what you learned from this, and just get back on your feet!

Krang

I'm sorry Genjen. Don't stop trying. We all have the ability to slip up, and it happens to the best of us sometimes. You can do it.

Rift

Don't be so hard on yourself Genjen. I fell through the cracks last night as well and I do regret it but just learn from your experience. Is it worth it? Does it solve anything at all? Don't put too much thought into it. It happens to the best of us. Keep pressing on. Peace

Hollyanne

Genjen,
Every time you do NOT want to go to a meeting, GO!
It is the number one thing our alcoholism does to lull us into weakness.
You are back, that is what counts.
Emotional! Jeeze, don't talk to me! It is a killer at the beginning. But soldier on.
You can do this. We are all trudging along with you.

aasharon90

I went out of my way to get a drink a many
many times. I went out in the best of weather
and the worst of storms. Flooding. Who in their
right mind would get out in horrible terrible
weather to go to a club and drink? ME.

I went to any lengths to get a drink, then when
I got sober I went to and continue to go to any
lengths to stay sober.

I've done whatever it takes to stay sober for the
past 20 yrs. and continue to do so today.

Why you ask? Cause I dont want to die. And because
life continues to get better as time goes on. I Promise.

elfgirl

genjen- hang tough!! A slip is just a slip. It is only one night, and doesn't have to define the rest of your journey. Look to the progress you made, the sober days you had, and remember what led you to want to stop in the first place. It is a HUGE change, I know, I'm still pretty new here myself, and getting past the rawness of it all, and having to find new ways to deal with life... it's hard, but you're doing it, and this is just one night, just one slip. You will overcome it! (((hugs)))

Genjen

Thanks again everyone, I really need to find a sponsor soon...

I am so down on myself after a four year stint of numbing everything, feel like a terrible parent, fiance, human being in general...waking up is hard.

CarolD

The quicker you get back to meetings the easier it will be...
I too re started my sobriety before I found solid recovery.

least

I nearly lost all hope for myself, but thanks to my wonderful friends here and my counselor I didn't give up. I tried again. And eventually I 'got it'. You will too if you want it bad enough.

brian41

Hi Im new to this and I have fallen off the wagon after 3 weeks sober and Im three days drinking again and trying to get back on the wagon. I totally relate to you and am finding it very very hard to beat this disease