Uncertainty
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Uncertainty
Hi all. I'm on day 57 today and want to seriously crawl out of my skin!!! I've had many many moments of feeling wonderful and have no desire to go back to drinking, but wow! My throat is getting tight, beathing is shallow, I'm super sensitive to sound, feel mildly shaky, chills of and on.
A little background...I'm married, have young kids, most of all I'm not alone. However, tomorrow is my arraignment for DUI (1st). I have a job and many responsibilities and haven't been able afford legal counsel yet - because of my drinking - nor do I have a criminal history - in spite of my drinking. I've been warned by an attorney during a consultation that I might have to show up, then post bail! Probably just trying to scare the money out of my wallet.
Anyway, I have felt completely tight and dysfunctional all day. I've been manic/depressive passive/aggressive at work too. I was supposed to meet my sponsor at his house after work tonight and there are signs that it had been foreclosed!
I know this would be a REALLY good time for a meeting, however, for the first time since I got sober I don't trust myself to be alone. I don't crave a drink but I hate this feeling almost as much! I seem to recall not feeling this bad while I was shaking and detoxing. Please God, get me out of my skin! I want to hold my wife and kids super close and push them away at the same time.
I would really like to call someone but my wife gets jealous when I talk to other people about sobriety stuff that I can't/don't talk to her about - yes, we'll deal with it over time, but right now I can't take the stress of creating any conflict.
I'm looking to my peers here to help me as only fellow alcoholics/addicts can.
Thanks,
SPG
A little background...I'm married, have young kids, most of all I'm not alone. However, tomorrow is my arraignment for DUI (1st). I have a job and many responsibilities and haven't been able afford legal counsel yet - because of my drinking - nor do I have a criminal history - in spite of my drinking. I've been warned by an attorney during a consultation that I might have to show up, then post bail! Probably just trying to scare the money out of my wallet.
Anyway, I have felt completely tight and dysfunctional all day. I've been manic/depressive passive/aggressive at work too. I was supposed to meet my sponsor at his house after work tonight and there are signs that it had been foreclosed!
I know this would be a REALLY good time for a meeting, however, for the first time since I got sober I don't trust myself to be alone. I don't crave a drink but I hate this feeling almost as much! I seem to recall not feeling this bad while I was shaking and detoxing. Please God, get me out of my skin! I want to hold my wife and kids super close and push them away at the same time.
I would really like to call someone but my wife gets jealous when I talk to other people about sobriety stuff that I can't/don't talk to her about - yes, we'll deal with it over time, but right now I can't take the stress of creating any conflict.
I'm looking to my peers here to help me as only fellow alcoholics/addicts can.
Thanks,
SPG
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi StPete - take some deep slow breaths........ my daughter has panic attacks all the time (shaking, tight chest, feeling of impending doom, etc.)..... They really are horrible, but you WILL come out on the other side. Stay on here, keep posting - you'll get through it. We're here.
It's only natural that you're having these thoughts/feelings the day before the hearing. Tomorrow at this time, it will be over and you'll know what you're dealing with.
Prayers and hugs........ hang in there.
(Another thing I do when I'm feeling desperate: take a piece of paper and list all the things you have to be grateful for today)
It's only natural that you're having these thoughts/feelings the day before the hearing. Tomorrow at this time, it will be over and you'll know what you're dealing with.
Prayers and hugs........ hang in there.
(Another thing I do when I'm feeling desperate: take a piece of paper and list all the things you have to be grateful for today)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Day 52 here in about 30 minutes and I can relate to still having issues, your depression sounds like me since the weekend, I have been reading but just didn't care to post till tonight.
I am sorry to hear about the DUI but I wish you the best of luck, hope it works out, for you and your family.
I am sorry to hear about the DUI but I wish you the best of luck, hope it works out, for you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 68
I hear ya, SP. I'm 9 weeks sober. Was doing real good, but now due to compounding issues here at home, I'm white knuckling it. Situations like this I would definitely be drinking heavily right now. Feeling like I'm going to blow up any minute.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Misery loves company, right? I've taken a couple of melatonin and starting to feel a little sleepy. Maybe it was just one long panic attack??? I've never had one before but I've never been sober long enough to notice either.
"This too shall pass..."
Thank God I know this deep down. I won't drink tonight and that is all I know right now. I've been jumping around on the forum... good reading to take my mind off how I feel.
BTW- I just crawled into bed with my laptop and the lights out grateful that I'm safe and I'm sober. My wife is watching a movie in the front room and it's completely quiet. Finally got a gratitude out today after all.
"This too shall pass..."
Thank God I know this deep down. I won't drink tonight and that is all I know right now. I've been jumping around on the forum... good reading to take my mind off how I feel.
BTW- I just crawled into bed with my laptop and the lights out grateful that I'm safe and I'm sober. My wife is watching a movie in the front room and it's completely quiet. Finally got a gratitude out today after all.
Last edited by StPeteGrad; 04-12-2011 at 08:54 PM. Reason: 5 minutes later
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I just crawled into bed with my laptop and the lights out grateful that I'm safe and I'm sober.
That's what I do every most every night (bed, laptop and SR). Glad the melatonin is helping. As they say in AA "Easy Does It." You'll get through this and be so glad you did........
Hope you get some sleep (never quite understood the counting sheep thing - I mean, why sheep?)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
SPG,
Sorry you had a bad day, I'm in about the same time period as you (64 days in) and I still have one of those days like you described every so often. I find if I can go for a walk or do anything involving physical activity it helps me through it, or if that doesn't work I just go to bed early and know that tomorrow will be a better day. Great job on your 57 days, stay strong!
Sorry you had a bad day, I'm in about the same time period as you (64 days in) and I still have one of those days like you described every so often. I find if I can go for a walk or do anything involving physical activity it helps me through it, or if that doesn't work I just go to bed early and know that tomorrow will be a better day. Great job on your 57 days, stay strong!
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