Help please.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I have pretty much quit taking an anti depressant. From what I've read it sounds like I am just going to feel a lot worse for awhile. Also tapering off the klonopin. I hope I make it through this. But to what end I don't know- I was so unhappy and anxiety ridden before all of this BS with meds. And before I drank.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Nottinghamshire, UK
Posts: 55
Hello. I hope today finds you doing ok.
I am sure that accepting your OCD is present is the first thing to conquer, and finding some CBT through your doctor.
That is what I have done....but without my anti-depressant I am a complete loony tune! I know the people around me find my OCD hard to cope with, particularily at stressful times, but meds mellow it a lot.
Please consider very carefully why you want to be med free.
I am not saying its easy to live with and sometimes I have a big meltdown....but dont normal people have meltdowns? Starting some sort of therapy will help you accept it and help you cope.
Hopefully you can get strong enough to go to seek help.
Although sleeping is very difficult with such a noisy brain, please be careful when using sleeping aids as you will find that they stop working and its very un-safe to take too many sleeping tablets. They may help you sleep but they have massive side effects during the day and may increase your stress levels. Sometimes its almost like the hangovers I didnt suffer when I was a drinker! Bizarre.
I have found that I go to the doctors every 4 months for a script of sleeping tablets so I can sleep sometimes but I try to make them last a while by spreading them over several months, just to avoid getting used to them or getting addicted.
Been there and done that, its so hard to avoid getting hooked on them because naturally I would love to sleep nightly. Please be careful with sleeping aids.
There are all sorts of tecniques out there that may be able to help you sleep but I am sure that accepting the noise is the first step.
If you need to vent to someone who understands I am here most days reading and will listen to you. Its hard to find people that get it isnt it.
I hope today is a better one that yesterday for you.
Sending a big hug your way.
:ghug3
I am sure that accepting your OCD is present is the first thing to conquer, and finding some CBT through your doctor.
That is what I have done....but without my anti-depressant I am a complete loony tune! I know the people around me find my OCD hard to cope with, particularily at stressful times, but meds mellow it a lot.
Please consider very carefully why you want to be med free.
I am not saying its easy to live with and sometimes I have a big meltdown....but dont normal people have meltdowns? Starting some sort of therapy will help you accept it and help you cope.
Hopefully you can get strong enough to go to seek help.
Although sleeping is very difficult with such a noisy brain, please be careful when using sleeping aids as you will find that they stop working and its very un-safe to take too many sleeping tablets. They may help you sleep but they have massive side effects during the day and may increase your stress levels. Sometimes its almost like the hangovers I didnt suffer when I was a drinker! Bizarre.
I have found that I go to the doctors every 4 months for a script of sleeping tablets so I can sleep sometimes but I try to make them last a while by spreading them over several months, just to avoid getting used to them or getting addicted.
Been there and done that, its so hard to avoid getting hooked on them because naturally I would love to sleep nightly. Please be careful with sleeping aids.
There are all sorts of tecniques out there that may be able to help you sleep but I am sure that accepting the noise is the first step.
If you need to vent to someone who understands I am here most days reading and will listen to you. Its hard to find people that get it isnt it.
I hope today is a better one that yesterday for you.
Sending a big hug your way.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Nottinghamshire, UK
Posts: 55
Oops forgot to say that one way of using your OCD for good is having a job, be it voluntary or paid work.
I know its sounds stressfull but when I could work I was in a stressful job but thrived on it because my OCD propelled me to keep going. Ended up getting promoted over and over....not sure if they realised it was OCD that made me organised and eager lol.
Just something to concider if the exercise suggestion isnt you....although both would help.
Hope some of that helps.
I know its sounds stressfull but when I could work I was in a stressful job but thrived on it because my OCD propelled me to keep going. Ended up getting promoted over and over....not sure if they realised it was OCD that made me organised and eager lol.
Just something to concider if the exercise suggestion isnt you....although both would help.
Hope some of that helps.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I just get so upset I can't sleep, no matter what. Just endless circles of why were my parents so cruel? Why was I singled out as a kid? Why am I such a loser, stupid, unloved... Why do people treat me horribly and then act offended if I say I won't allow it? The smarter and more talented people are, the more they just treat others like garbage. I see now I am unequal in every way and that is why I am always pushed out of the herd- it's a natural reaction to eliminating undesirables from the gene pool.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Nottinghamshire, UK
Posts: 55
Hi Sorry your feeling bad today...but dont beat yourself up about your past. My past was shocking and still causes me no end of stress in different ways.
CBT would help you relate your past to your present so you can understand some of the things you do and feel.......for example in my younger days I had to go into the psych ward for ten months and now I wont have doors in the house or locks. Now I understand that the door issue is because I was locked in a room and watched constantly.
It is not your problem what other people think of you and its great that you stand up for yourself now, so dont give that up will you.
You may feel like you get herded out of the way but in reality people only need a handfull of friends....the rest are aquaintances and mostly un-necessary in my opinion. My facebook has 50 or so friends on it whereas some of my freinds have thousands.....you cant possibly keep communication with so many people. You will eventually have those real good friends that are there no matter what goes down in your life.
You are not stupid. You are very capable of explaining yourself and you are aware of how you feel therefore you have intelligence. Some people just arent that nice and thats not your problem. Just move on by those people and find somebody nice.
It will get better you know as time goes by.
Its soooo hard not to get angry and frustrated when you cant sleep and after years of this I now accept it and this allows me to be calmer when sleep eludes me at midnight, 1am, 2am.......you know how it goes.
Please go back to your doctor and re-consider meds and therapy to help you cope. Our brains may always be noisy but there must be a way for you to accept that and be a little less stressed about it.
You arent alone.
CBT would help you relate your past to your present so you can understand some of the things you do and feel.......for example in my younger days I had to go into the psych ward for ten months and now I wont have doors in the house or locks. Now I understand that the door issue is because I was locked in a room and watched constantly.
It is not your problem what other people think of you and its great that you stand up for yourself now, so dont give that up will you.
You may feel like you get herded out of the way but in reality people only need a handfull of friends....the rest are aquaintances and mostly un-necessary in my opinion. My facebook has 50 or so friends on it whereas some of my freinds have thousands.....you cant possibly keep communication with so many people. You will eventually have those real good friends that are there no matter what goes down in your life.
You are not stupid. You are very capable of explaining yourself and you are aware of how you feel therefore you have intelligence. Some people just arent that nice and thats not your problem. Just move on by those people and find somebody nice.
It will get better you know as time goes by.
Its soooo hard not to get angry and frustrated when you cant sleep and after years of this I now accept it and this allows me to be calmer when sleep eludes me at midnight, 1am, 2am.......you know how it goes.
Please go back to your doctor and re-consider meds and therapy to help you cope. Our brains may always be noisy but there must be a way for you to accept that and be a little less stressed about it.
You arent alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 56
Today is day one for me. I was hunting for the April "bus" and found your post. I know I should probably just keep my mouth (fingers) shut, but your situation is very compelling to me. In my most humble opinion, you should not be caring for children while you are having these difficulties. You say that much of your own troubles stem from childhood neglect and trauma. Wouldn't it be a sincere, honest and unselfish thing to do for these children that you are babysitting for you to tell their parents that you are not able to continue at present? I know from experience that if you have mental illness, you must take your medications whether you like it or not, or you and those around you will suffer the consequences. I'm sorry if this offends you, but I don't want these children to be hurt and know that I could have at least tried to help, but chose to be silent instead. I do not mean to criticize you, it's your illness that could cause harm, and that is not your choice, I know.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Wow, Karen. You really should have taken your own advice. It happens that people tell me quite often that I am excellent with children. Thanks for pigeonholing me as mentally ill- and leaping to the conclusion based on a post that I am endangering children. Are you a psychiatrist who has met with me and diagnosed me as a threat? I have years of experience and a resume that contradicts your shallow observations. And the little boy who tells me he loves me and asks where I am if I miss a day. Maybe you should go tell all the alcoholic parents here on the boards they aren't fit and see how that goes over. Never once in my life have I been told I was a threat to someone. How low can you go? I mean after all- you have one single day of sobriety. It seems you suffer from the ailments of tactlessness and low mental acuity- in which case I'd advise you to stay away from most living things in case you harm them- it wouldn't be your fault though- your deficient grey matter is to blame and you can't be held responsible for that. I just don't want you acting out in ways that hurt others. I couldn't choose to stay silent and let that happen.
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