Realization
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 27
Realization
Today is day 9 for me. I've been here lots of times, but this is the first time that I've actually remembered on day 9 what I felt on day 1. I was never a daily drinker, but when I did drink, I always seemed to make up for all of those days in between! My husband never understood how someone so small could ingest so much alcohol. He still doesn't understand that I'm an alcoholic. Don't get me wrong--he's extremely supportive and he's not a drinker, but he doesn't understand that one doesn't have to be a falling down drunk every day to be an alcoholic.
The funny realization, however, is that I didn't realize that, either, until I came here. I knew that I had a "problem," but I always considered it to be a small, insignificant issue.
I feel like I've had an epiphany--that my small "problem" was actually a huge PROBLEM that I was afraid to face. But now that I've admitted it to myself, the issue seems conquerable.
I don't know if that made sense, but I felt like I needed to get it out.
The funny realization, however, is that I didn't realize that, either, until I came here. I knew that I had a "problem," but I always considered it to be a small, insignificant issue.
I feel like I've had an epiphany--that my small "problem" was actually a huge PROBLEM that I was afraid to face. But now that I've admitted it to myself, the issue seems conquerable.
I don't know if that made sense, but I felt like I needed to get it out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi jennifer ! CONGRATS on day 9! Doesn't it feel good ?
I was not a falling down , everyday drunk either , but i was starting to " lose time" which was not a good look.
The other hint , was that all my friends could get a bit tipsy, then put on the coffee , not me, once I had that first drink, I could write the rest of the day/evening off !
I am now up to day 23 , one day at a time ! I have been doing meetings +++++++, and have got a Sponser , and really feel I might be able to do this ! HOPE is a wonderful thing !
HUGX
Lee
I was not a falling down , everyday drunk either , but i was starting to " lose time" which was not a good look.
The other hint , was that all my friends could get a bit tipsy, then put on the coffee , not me, once I had that first drink, I could write the rest of the day/evening off !
I am now up to day 23 , one day at a time ! I have been doing meetings +++++++, and have got a Sponser , and really feel I might be able to do this ! HOPE is a wonderful thing !
HUGX
Lee
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 27
I know exactly what you mean about friends being able to call it a night after a couple of drinks, but then not being able to stop yourself! That and the blackouts were what made me realize what the extent of my problem was! Another thing that is so clear now--I HATE myself when intoxicated. I become someone entirely different from who I actually am. It's a crazy disease....
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: A van...down by the river!
Posts: 108
Hey Jennifer -
I'm 24, and a recovering alcoholic. Never thought I would be saying that at such a young age. But, I heard someone once say, "Alcohol is an equal opportunity destroyer." That is so true. It doesn't discriminate against who it takes down....
The funny part about alcoholism is that most of us weren't falling down drunks, living on the streets. We were still able to go about our daily business like nothing was wrong - only, if like me, possibly "secretly" plastered the whole time.
But, then every alcoholic comes to that point in their life, when they just can't do it anymore. You reach the end of the road, and there are only two options left : life or death. You have to choose. Then, if you're smart, you finally realize what it's going to take to turn it all around: GETTING SOBER - once and for all. It's the only way for us. It's the only way to have hope.
Glad to hear you've come to that realization too. Congraats on the 9 days sober.
Welcome to the boards, and feel free to post whenever you feel like it. Some of the old timers here can be of great encouragement to the new ones coming along. If you're like I was, you're full of questions when you first start out in sobriety. So, keep in touch!
Take care,
PG
PS - I suggest to everyone in early recovery, doing some research on alcoholism and becoming familiar with it. If you want to conquer your enemy you have to know everything there is to know about them, right? Same with alcohol. If you haven't read it, try "Under The Influence". Very good book.
I'm 24, and a recovering alcoholic. Never thought I would be saying that at such a young age. But, I heard someone once say, "Alcohol is an equal opportunity destroyer." That is so true. It doesn't discriminate against who it takes down....
The funny part about alcoholism is that most of us weren't falling down drunks, living on the streets. We were still able to go about our daily business like nothing was wrong - only, if like me, possibly "secretly" plastered the whole time.
But, then every alcoholic comes to that point in their life, when they just can't do it anymore. You reach the end of the road, and there are only two options left : life or death. You have to choose. Then, if you're smart, you finally realize what it's going to take to turn it all around: GETTING SOBER - once and for all. It's the only way for us. It's the only way to have hope.
Glad to hear you've come to that realization too. Congraats on the 9 days sober.
Welcome to the boards, and feel free to post whenever you feel like it. Some of the old timers here can be of great encouragement to the new ones coming along. If you're like I was, you're full of questions when you first start out in sobriety. So, keep in touch!
Take care,
PG
PS - I suggest to everyone in early recovery, doing some research on alcoholism and becoming familiar with it. If you want to conquer your enemy you have to know everything there is to know about them, right? Same with alcohol. If you haven't read it, try "Under The Influence". Very good book.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi Jennifer,
Welcome and congratulations for making such a great decision. Alcoholism is a crazy disease and I also became a very different, horrible person when I drank. I plan to never go back there again!!.
Love, Anna
Welcome and congratulations for making such a great decision. Alcoholism is a crazy disease and I also became a very different, horrible person when I drank. I plan to never go back there again!!.
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: at the computer
Posts: 121
welcome
Hi Jennifer
You sound a lot like me! I wasn't a "fallin' down drunk" either. My Hubby isn't a big drinker, and still has a hard time understanding why I need to stop. But he *is* supportive. I have gone thru 2 pregnancies and nursing, and didn't drink at all during that period. But once I allowed myself to drink again, after the babes weren't nursing, I couldn't stop once I had the one drink. I think i got a little better about controlling how much I drank. I used to black out once/week, but haven't done that in several months. However, I realized that I started drinking most evenings of the week, not just on weekends anymore. I was starting to ignore my kids wants and needs; or forgetting things that they told me in the morning. I don't want to be that kind of parent. I'm at day 15, and feeling great. I still get cravings now and then, but I turn to this board and my family for support.
You are doing a great job! Keep hanging in there! we all support each other, no matter what!
Jayhay
You sound a lot like me! I wasn't a "fallin' down drunk" either. My Hubby isn't a big drinker, and still has a hard time understanding why I need to stop. But he *is* supportive. I have gone thru 2 pregnancies and nursing, and didn't drink at all during that period. But once I allowed myself to drink again, after the babes weren't nursing, I couldn't stop once I had the one drink. I think i got a little better about controlling how much I drank. I used to black out once/week, but haven't done that in several months. However, I realized that I started drinking most evenings of the week, not just on weekends anymore. I was starting to ignore my kids wants and needs; or forgetting things that they told me in the morning. I don't want to be that kind of parent. I'm at day 15, and feeling great. I still get cravings now and then, but I turn to this board and my family for support.
You are doing a great job! Keep hanging in there! we all support each other, no matter what!
Jayhay
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Good For You!!
Jennifer...Congratulations on your soober time.
Only other alcoholics understnd the twisted thinking we have,
AA meetings are like classrooms for a sober life.
My best to you..
Only other alcoholics understnd the twisted thinking we have,
AA meetings are like classrooms for a sober life.
My best to you..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 27
Thank you guys for all of the support. I was talking to DH tonight and I told him about this board and how great it is to talk to people who understand. I think that it's impossible for someone who has never experienced that kind of pull from something to be able to understand where you're coming from. He seemed to understand pretty well...even though I think that he still doubts whether I really have a *problem.* I realized, though, it doesn't matter what other people see--because I was hiding it for so long. Other people can't see what we refuse to show them. And I'm sure that I'm not the only one here who has hidden the extent of the problem from everyone they're close to! At any rate, I really appreciate everyone here.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Jennifer and welcome!
Oh yea.. was a closet drinker myself not many know I too was an alcoholic, my hubby and two kids.. that's it.. but to them it was "mom likes her beer", "she has a hollow leg" etc. I was able to quit the day I came here and found AA to be my method of recovery! Glad your with us!
Oh yea.. was a closet drinker myself not many know I too was an alcoholic, my hubby and two kids.. that's it.. but to them it was "mom likes her beer", "she has a hollow leg" etc. I was able to quit the day I came here and found AA to be my method of recovery! Glad your with us!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 610
Hi Jennifer,
congrats on your decision, its not an easy one to make.
While there are lots of people who do understand, there seem to be many more who don't. I have found that it can be frustrating to try to describe to someone what it is like to have a drinking problem, even when they try hard to understand. This is where AA and other support groups are so helpful, I have found understanding there.
Hang in there and post here whenever you wish.
Amy
congrats on your decision, its not an easy one to make.
While there are lots of people who do understand, there seem to be many more who don't. I have found that it can be frustrating to try to describe to someone what it is like to have a drinking problem, even when they try hard to understand. This is where AA and other support groups are so helpful, I have found understanding there.
Hang in there and post here whenever you wish.
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Re: Realization
Originally posted by Jennifer78
Today is day 9 for me. I've been here lots of times, but this is the first time that I've actually remembered on day 9 what I felt on day 1. I was never a daily drinker, but when I did drink, I always seemed to make up for all of those days in between! My husband never understood how someone so small could ingest so much alcohol. He still doesn't understand that I'm an alcoholic. Don't get me wrong--he's extremely supportive and he's not a drinker, but he doesn't understand that one doesn't have to be a falling down drunk every day to be an alcoholic.
The funny realization, however, is that I didn't realize that, either, until I came here. I knew that I had a "problem," but I always considered it to be a small, insignificant issue.
I feel like I've had an epiphany--that my small "problem" was actually a huge PROBLEM that I was afraid to face. But now that I've admitted it to myself, the issue seems conquerable.
I don't know if that made sense, but I felt like I needed to get it out.
Today is day 9 for me. I've been here lots of times, but this is the first time that I've actually remembered on day 9 what I felt on day 1. I was never a daily drinker, but when I did drink, I always seemed to make up for all of those days in between! My husband never understood how someone so small could ingest so much alcohol. He still doesn't understand that I'm an alcoholic. Don't get me wrong--he's extremely supportive and he's not a drinker, but he doesn't understand that one doesn't have to be a falling down drunk every day to be an alcoholic.
The funny realization, however, is that I didn't realize that, either, until I came here. I knew that I had a "problem," but I always considered it to be a small, insignificant issue.
I feel like I've had an epiphany--that my small "problem" was actually a huge PROBLEM that I was afraid to face. But now that I've admitted it to myself, the issue seems conquerable.
I don't know if that made sense, but I felt like I needed to get it out.
Of course you make sense!! You make so much sense it's almost laughable. If everyone would have that same realization a little earlier in their drinking, we'd solve a whole lot of problems.
I had a picture in my mind of what an alcoholic is/was. I did everything I could to avoid fitting into that picture until one day I got hit smack in the face with reality.
Today I believe that if alcohol causes problems, alcohol is the problem. Further, if I have trouble leaving alcohol alone "for any reason" alcohol is my problem. When it comes to drinking, so many people hold back until "small" becomes "huge" and by then, most don't make it.
God bless your hubby for being supportive. Now it's up to you to do whatever it takes to make this opportunity pay off.
Hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 27
I'm feeling so good, guys! Woke up this morning, feeling good about everything. It's amazing how deciding to do something proactive and positive will make a difference in how you see everything around you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally posted by Jennifer78
I'm feeling so good, guys! Woke up this morning, feeling good about everything. It's amazing how deciding to do something proactive and positive will make a difference in how you see everything around you.
I'm feeling so good, guys! Woke up this morning, feeling good about everything. It's amazing how deciding to do something proactive and positive will make a difference in how you see everything around you.
Just remember, living life is 10% what happens and 90% how I deal with it. You'll be surprised at how being sober and working those steps will effect an attitude.
Hang in there kid.
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