Husband got into my God box and read everything
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 711
Husband got into my God box and read everything
I know I have posted about him and the situations I have been dealing with, but has anyone ever had this happen? I had stuff in there about him and he got his feelings hurt about it.
I feel like trust has been broken. I threw all of the notes away, but I plan to re-write them and hide the box. I felt such a sense of peace after writing them.
I feel like trust has been broken. I threw all of the notes away, but I plan to re-write them and hide the box. I felt such a sense of peace after writing them.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
my g/f wrote in her journal when I had done something hurtful to her (usually while I was under the influence of alcohol). I really don't think the ends justify the means (aka I wasn't supposed to discover her notes in the first place as they were private). Still, some of the things she wrote about me and our relationship still sting.
I try and think of it that she needs an outlet. I'd rather she critic my behavior via journal than to her friends & family as I'd have a tougher time trying to repair those relationships.
I think your personal notes are your property. It's often cathartic for people to write down your thought to express your feelings.
I try and think of it that she needs an outlet. I'd rather she critic my behavior via journal than to her friends & family as I'd have a tougher time trying to repair those relationships.
I think your personal notes are your property. It's often cathartic for people to write down your thought to express your feelings.
Ethanol Intolerant
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
I have a journal, on the first page of that journal is a warning that these are my thoughts, some of them I believe, some I do not. They are to best of my ability unfiltered and unchallenged as I write them down. If you are reading this journal without my explicit permission, you are doing so against my wishes and I take no responsibility for your reaction to those thoughts. Everyone in my home, knows what the journal is, and that I would prefer it remain private.
If you have clearly explained to your husband that you do wish him to read the contents of the box, whatever reaction he has to it is not your problem, it is his. Hiding the box is a poor solution IMO.
If you have clearly explained to your husband that you do wish him to read the contents of the box, whatever reaction he has to it is not your problem, it is his. Hiding the box is a poor solution IMO.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 323
Sorry this happened to you. The same thing happened to me but it was my mother. She came into my apartment and searched my private belongings in the bathroom where I had my notes hidden. They included very private feelings including a note I was writing to my ex girlfriend who suffered severe brain damage and cannot leave a bed in a nursing home. I want you to know that I admire you and your strength. Probably the only reason I did not hit my mother is that she is a woman when this happened. If it was a man I fear to think what my reaction would have been. Anyway its your husband so try to follow your heart and work through this. I was not as strong as you in other ways. If I remember right, not only did I not write my feelings down again, but I ended up drinking over this. Even now I feel intense anger stirring inside me.. so I am going to change my mind over to another topic. But I want you to know I truly admire you and the restraint you have shown. Please keep doing what you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I think that he had no right to disrespect your privacy...and then he has the audacity to tell you that his feelings are hurt????
this is all on him..how would he like it if you did the same?....keep your thoughts password protected.
this is all on him..how would he like it if you did the same?....keep your thoughts password protected.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
he got his feelings hurt about it.
Then walk away.
I would not hide my GOD BOX. I would hope that he got the message, it's none of his business.
J M H O
Congrats on your recovery!
Love and hugs,
...is learning and growing...
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 573
So sorry this happened...I fear it would be divorce court for us if hubby ever read some of my thoughts regarding our relationship even tho I love him to death. I too keep mine password protected as someone else mentioned...tho this makes me worry that one day the whole world could read them. As if I'm that important but you know what I mean lol...hope you find a solution that works for you.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,937
Originally Posted by bananagrrrl 
I know I have posted about him and the situations I have been dealing with, but has anyone ever had this happen? I had stuff in there about him and he got his feelings hurt about it.
I feel like trust has been broken. I threw all of the notes away, but I plan to re-write them and hide the box. I felt such a sense of peace after writing them.
I feel like trust has been broken. I threw all of the notes away, but I plan to re-write them and hide the box. I felt such a sense of peace after writing them.
This is some sick stuff. He's going to hold you accountable for your personal thoughts? Violating a boundary like this is playing God with another person.
You are in a pretty bad place here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
As everyone has said it's terrible if he knowingly read items from your secret God box.
That being said, and I am not a marriage counselor, nor am I a woman, but secret feelings kept from your significant other I feel are almost as bad for a relationship as someone who would go out of their way to read them.
I have found in my 21 year relationship, (16 year marriage), that open communication is the key to a healthy successful relationship. I found this out the hard way by disengaging from my marriage during the middle years when we were going through some tough times, and we were living more like bickering roommates than a married couple with 2 children. My alcohol issues did not help our communication, and then some very hurtful and damaging things that were supposedly secret got found out.
This is when we had to decide as a couple whether we were going to weather the storm, or whether were going to call it quits. We decided to make it work, for us and for our kids. The first order of business was getting rid of all of the secrets. This was a long process but it opened up our lines of communication and we hold nothing back, (accept the alcohol when I was drinking, I was a dumb ass). This was a hard process at first, but as we learned more about the person we were living with that had evolved since our marriage began, we became better friends than ever. She is able to tell me her inner most thoughts, and I do my best to listen and understand, and she does the same for me. It made me realize that being in a successful marriage takes daily work, much like recovery, but it has been well worth it.
As a husband, I will not say what he did was right, because it did invade your privacy, but I will also say as a husband, secrets aren't allowed in my home, first off curiousity killed the cat, and secondly it's not healthy for damaging, hurtful, information to be kept secret in a lifetime partnership. The more stuff we hide and let fester the more chance of those things bringing the relationship down and ultimately destroying it.
I apologize if this attitude comes off as harsh, it wasn't meant to be and I am only speaking from my own experience.
That being said, and I am not a marriage counselor, nor am I a woman, but secret feelings kept from your significant other I feel are almost as bad for a relationship as someone who would go out of their way to read them.
I have found in my 21 year relationship, (16 year marriage), that open communication is the key to a healthy successful relationship. I found this out the hard way by disengaging from my marriage during the middle years when we were going through some tough times, and we were living more like bickering roommates than a married couple with 2 children. My alcohol issues did not help our communication, and then some very hurtful and damaging things that were supposedly secret got found out.
This is when we had to decide as a couple whether we were going to weather the storm, or whether were going to call it quits. We decided to make it work, for us and for our kids. The first order of business was getting rid of all of the secrets. This was a long process but it opened up our lines of communication and we hold nothing back, (accept the alcohol when I was drinking, I was a dumb ass). This was a hard process at first, but as we learned more about the person we were living with that had evolved since our marriage began, we became better friends than ever. She is able to tell me her inner most thoughts, and I do my best to listen and understand, and she does the same for me. It made me realize that being in a successful marriage takes daily work, much like recovery, but it has been well worth it.
As a husband, I will not say what he did was right, because it did invade your privacy, but I will also say as a husband, secrets aren't allowed in my home, first off curiousity killed the cat, and secondly it's not healthy for damaging, hurtful, information to be kept secret in a lifetime partnership. The more stuff we hide and let fester the more chance of those things bringing the relationship down and ultimately destroying it.
I apologize if this attitude comes off as harsh, it wasn't meant to be and I am only speaking from my own experience.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,904
Everyone is entitled to their own personal thoughts. Writing those thoughts down can be very cathartic. No one has the right to take it upon themselves to read them. It's like breaking into someone's diary. It's just not done.
There is a difference in not having secrets and not being allowed to have personal thoughts. No one is entitled to know my personal thoughts unless I wish to share them. That includes husbands.
There is a difference in not having secrets and not being allowed to have personal thoughts. No one is entitled to know my personal thoughts unless I wish to share them. That includes husbands.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
There is a book, called "psycho cybernetics". (self image)
Somewhere in that book ( I don't have the book anymore) it notes about even our own children are entitled to that "space" of their own.
Psycho-Cybernetics - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
It may well do you both to have a read, so then you both understand the concept of that "private room", as the book writes it, I think.
Somewhere in that book ( I don't have the book anymore) it notes about even our own children are entitled to that "space" of their own.
Psycho-Cybernetics - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
It may well do you both to have a read, so then you both understand the concept of that "private room", as the book writes it, I think.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
Posts: 618
Re:Husband got into my God box and read everything
"I think your personal notes are your property. It's often cathartic for people to write down your thoughts to express your feelings".
~Mercurial Me~
Amen...I suggest you find an alternative hiding place for your journals until your husband can fully understand the meaning of the word "privacy". He doesn't understand the closure we feel when writing about our troubles instead of drinking over them. We're alcoholics and one of the best alternatives -I found- to combat this disease is talking or writing about our dilemmas instead of drinking over them. He needs to live in our shoes for just one day to fully grasp the severity of what he's done. I would find a suitable hiding place -until then.
~God bless~
~Mercurial Me~
Amen...I suggest you find an alternative hiding place for your journals until your husband can fully understand the meaning of the word "privacy". He doesn't understand the closure we feel when writing about our troubles instead of drinking over them. We're alcoholics and one of the best alternatives -I found- to combat this disease is talking or writing about our dilemmas instead of drinking over them. He needs to live in our shoes for just one day to fully grasp the severity of what he's done. I would find a suitable hiding place -until then.
~God bless~
not little, a stranger no more
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: in the crowd
Posts: 410
I'm with everyone else who said that it is not ok at all that your husband first violated your trust and then had the nerve to complain about what he read. I don't think I would have stayed as calm as you did.
Writing is a way to vent about things without having to hurt someone verbally and is cathartic. I remember writing some pretty bad things about people when I was upset about their actions, but that it was out of question to say those things to them. Not to keep any secrets from them, but because I knew that these were "angry thoughts" and that later, with a bit of distance", I would think differently about it. So writing it down was also a way to protect my personal relationships from harm.
Question is:Why did he do it in the first place? Curiosty or even mistrust, or is he trying to control you? I would ask him, becase honestly this just added some new trust issues. If he really has some trust issues himself , the route would be to talk to you, not to read your personal notes behind your back.
If your husband fails to understand that everyone needs a private space exactly for these reasons, it's really time to talk. He shouldn't confuse the need for some privacy with keeping secrets; everybody deserves a little personal space, even without any justification.
Writing is a way to vent about things without having to hurt someone verbally and is cathartic. I remember writing some pretty bad things about people when I was upset about their actions, but that it was out of question to say those things to them. Not to keep any secrets from them, but because I knew that these were "angry thoughts" and that later, with a bit of distance", I would think differently about it. So writing it down was also a way to protect my personal relationships from harm.
Question is:Why did he do it in the first place? Curiosty or even mistrust, or is he trying to control you? I would ask him, becase honestly this just added some new trust issues. If he really has some trust issues himself , the route would be to talk to you, not to read your personal notes behind your back.
If your husband fails to understand that everyone needs a private space exactly for these reasons, it's really time to talk. He shouldn't confuse the need for some privacy with keeping secrets; everybody deserves a little personal space, even without any justification.
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