resentment..
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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resentment..
in the A.A. Big Book they say it is the #1 offender.. what has been your experience with resentment and drinking? i believe when we harbor too much resentment it is very dangerous to our sobriety..
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
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Resentment? As it pertains to people who drink normally or life in general?
I'm sure I occasionally ha e a little resentment...most likely directed at my family. But its pretty mild and I would say its not a huge factor for me ....I would rank it pretty low on my list of areas to work on.
I'm sure I occasionally ha e a little resentment...most likely directed at my family. But its pretty mild and I would say its not a huge factor for me ....I would rank it pretty low on my list of areas to work on.
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Originally Posted by LaFemme 
Resentment? As it pertains to people who drink normally or life in general?
I'm sure I occasionally ha e a little resentment...most likely directed at my family. But its pretty mild and I would say its not a huge factor for me ....I would rank it pretty low on my list of areas to work on.
I'm sure I occasionally ha e a little resentment...most likely directed at my family. But its pretty mild and I would say its not a huge factor for me ....I would rank it pretty low on my list of areas to work on.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Are you holding a resentment against someone or
something today 24hrsADay? Is it eating away at
you? Interupting your serenity? Does it have something
to do with work, maybe family issues, something
that happened in the past?
something today 24hrsADay? Is it eating away at
you? Interupting your serenity? Does it have something
to do with work, maybe family issues, something
that happened in the past?
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Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by aasharon90
Are you holding a resentment against someone or
something today 24hrsADay? Is it eating away at
you? Interupting your serenity? Does it have something
to do with work, maybe family issues, something
that happened in the past?
something today 24hrsADay? Is it eating away at
you? Interupting your serenity? Does it have something
to do with work, maybe family issues, something
that happened in the past?
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
Resentment has been a big problem for me. The Big Book says that it is the number one offender, and for me that is true. Before joining AA I hadn't thought of one of my relapse triggers as coming from resentment. That analysis has really helped me to understand resentment and throught the 12 steps, deal with it.
Drinking when you feel resentment towards another person really illustrates the insanity that is alcoholism. It's like drinking posion and expecting the other person to die.
Drinking when you feel resentment towards another person really illustrates the insanity that is alcoholism. It's like drinking posion and expecting the other person to die.
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 333
It's something I struggle with a lot - since becoming sober I know when I'm beginning to feel it and I try very hard to push it away - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It is very hard to forgive some people, but I know that wishing ill on them is not bothering them, only me!
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Originally Posted by Coolmummy
It's something I struggle with a lot - since becoming sober I know when I'm beginning to feel it and I try very hard to push it away - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It is very hard to forgive some people, but I know that wishing ill on them is not bothering them, only me!
unlearning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: russia
Posts: 343
I am here to testify resentment could have killed me. I resented an abusive stepson who stole all he could from his mother and me, and also beat his mother.
Me, a stranger in a strange land with cheap vodka, and a drinking habit to begin with. Could have killed myself to spite him (he would be consenting!).
Long story short, with friends help here at SR, I resolved to forgive the (36 Y.O.) boy. He is sick in ways I do not understand. I sometimes now find it in my heart to pray for him.
Might write a blog sometime... not yet.
Me, a stranger in a strange land with cheap vodka, and a drinking habit to begin with. Could have killed myself to spite him (he would be consenting!).
Long story short, with friends help here at SR, I resolved to forgive the (36 Y.O.) boy. He is sick in ways I do not understand. I sometimes now find it in my heart to pray for him.
Might write a blog sometime... not yet.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
On page 552...in our AA BB...are clear directions for dealing
with resentments.
The sooner I apply that .the better I feel...
Prayers coming your way for peace of mind my SR friends
with resentments.
The sooner I apply that .the better I feel...
Prayers coming your way for peace of mind my SR friends
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Hi 24hrs. Resentment is something I think about a lot. I've been able to forgive some pretty big things, but oddly enough, some of the smaller ones are harder to get rid of. What helps me is to remember that whoever did whatever it was is just a flawed person (like me). No one is perfect. Trying to remember that can help me be empathetic and deal with the resentment. It's an ongoing process for me.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by CarolD
On page 552...in our AA BB...are clear directions for dealing
with resentments.
The sooner I apply that .the better I feel...
with resentments.
The sooner I apply that .the better I feel...
The only instructions that are part of the AA program for dealing with resentments are on pages 64 - 67.
I don't mean to be a nit-picker but lets not confuse people more than they are already about AA. THE PROGRAM is in the first 164 pages.
The stories in the back of the book have some fabulous and wonderful suggestions.....there are things in there (like p552) that I practice regularly every day.......but they're not "the AA program."
And as to the original post - resentments -
AmericanGirl gave us the definition: Resentment is something I think about a lot (it's feelings that we re-feel)
The warning in the AA book is that resentment is the number one offender and that it (resentment) destroys more alcoholics than anything else (even alcohol.... very interesting....it destroys more of us than ANYTHING else including alcohol --- now that's something to consider when yer walkin' around with some resentments thinking it's not a big deal). It goes on to say that a life lived in deep resentment can only lead to futility and unhappiness - blocked and separated from the one Power I need in my life.
Get me unhappy, frustrated and feeling separated for too long and guess what? The sound of that next first drink starts to make sense again and I've already proven I can't keep myself sober on my own or of my own power.
I know this isn't the "AA section" of this forum but there are some very simple and specific guidelines on how they (the first 100 who wrote the book) successfully dealt with and got beyond the fatal nature of resentments.
Work on that stuff first.....then mix in the other outside suggestions if you still need to.
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Originally Posted by DayTrader
AmericanGirl gave us the definition: Resentment is something I think about a lot (it's feelings that we re-feel)
Hi DT - A little clarification of my post is needed . . . I wasn't trying to define resentment, just saying that I think about the concept of resentment a lot, because I do think it's a serious concern in recovery . . . I was very vague there!
I do think that resentment being defined as "feelings we re-feel" is a cool definition.
Seize The Day
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 32
I too harbour some resentment towards certain individuals that supposedly love me but have made absolutely no attempt at trying to understand or comprehend in "any" way this disease called "alcoholism."
What keeps me going is AA, the support of those that are trying to understand and support my efforts, all of those who I have befriended in AA and ALWAYS, EVERY DAY, taking the time to acknowledge all the many things in this life that I have to be "grateful" for.
Hang in there!
Carpe Diem
"Seize the Day"
What keeps me going is AA, the support of those that are trying to understand and support my efforts, all of those who I have befriended in AA and ALWAYS, EVERY DAY, taking the time to acknowledge all the many things in this life that I have to be "grateful" for.
Hang in there!
Carpe Diem
"Seize the Day"
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi 24-
Let's first look at what a resentment actually is...
–noun
the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult.
— n
anger, bitterness, or ill will
—Synonyms
dudgeon, pique, irritation, envy, jealousy
Heck yes! I'm an AA'er and before working step 4 I didn't think I had any resentments, but after doing step 4 it turns out I was full of resentments. I was shocked, but it's true. The rest of the steps gave me clear directions on how to get rid of my old resentments and how to take care of new ones right away.
...and yes, of course resentments are common in being a human, not just an alcoholic, but for us alcoholics, these resentments are deadly b/c they can and will cause us to drink.
Kjell~
Let's first look at what a resentment actually is...
–noun
the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult.
— n
anger, bitterness, or ill will
—Synonyms
dudgeon, pique, irritation, envy, jealousy
Heck yes! I'm an AA'er and before working step 4 I didn't think I had any resentments, but after doing step 4 it turns out I was full of resentments. I was shocked, but it's true. The rest of the steps gave me clear directions on how to get rid of my old resentments and how to take care of new ones right away.
...and yes, of course resentments are common in being a human, not just an alcoholic, but for us alcoholics, these resentments are deadly b/c they can and will cause us to drink.
Kjell~
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by Carpediem1
I too harbour some resentment towards certain individuals that supposedly love me but have made absolutely no attempt at trying to understand or comprehend in "any" way this disease called "alcoholism."
Kjell~
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