Genjen

recycle

Poor little nail, he did not even see you coming with that big freaking hammer.

Whack. You nailed it, your part of it is always in your lap. What is in other peoples laps in their concern - ahem.

Mida

I would say unequivocally that resentment played a HUGE part in my alcoholism. I too felt that I gave and I gave and I gave. But it was always because I was expecting (demanding?) the same or more in return...and when that didn't happen (duh!), alcohol became an escape. Unfortunately, I found alcohol also fueled my feelings of resentment/anger/bitterness, etc., and I started having truly frightening thoughts towards the last few weeks of my drinking. I could literally hear these thoughts in my head (though not my ears but that probably wasn't far behind) and that's what really jolted me into action. I didn't know the person I was becoming.

Great thread and topic...lots to process. Thanks all

LillieB

recycle, I appreciate your input. I find it most interesting your conclusion of animals. I do take a bit of exception because animals, I don't believe, have the ability to pass about bad ideology. Much of our fear stems from the unknown, the need to have the answers..especially to the big questions. My dog knows if she sits by the door I will open it..much more than that and she is stumped. LOL

recycle

Perpetuating the idea that a 3 lb cat can kick a 120 lb dog's butt sounds like bad ideology to me The cat believed it and told it to the dog with her claws, now he believes it. Perhaps you are right, our capacity to worry may trump our ability to dissipate some those fears.

LillieB

LOL..So funny about cats and dogs...love this Christopher Hitches Quote...

"Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods."

laurie6781

Fairly early in my recovery I learned about resentments.

I was at my sponsor's house and her hubby was there also (my 'other' sponsor, lol) and I was biotching about something that was definitely a resentment. Hugh looked at me and said:

"What is he/she/it/they not doing, that you WANT he/she/it/they to do, when you WANT he/she/it/they to do it, TO MAKE YOU MORE COMFORTABLE?"

Gulp. Ut oh. Oh crap, here it was coming all back on me, sheesh. However, he was correct, and when I really started looking at my resentments, they were always because someone was not doing what I WANTED them to do or THOUGHT they should do, which in some way would make me more comfortable.

I still can get a resentment these many years later, however, I hear Hugh's voice in my head and I put the brakes on and look one more time at me.

Resentments were a big part of my 4th step and in most of them I could see where in fact it did come back on me. No not the ones like my uncle molesting me when I was 7, 8, & 9 or things like that, but those weren't resentments, those were confusion, anger because I couldn't protect myself, anger that my parents couldn't protect me until they found out that was different.

Most of my resentments over the years have been because someone was not doing what I WANTED them to do or THOUGHT they should do.

And that goes back to .............................. MY EXPECTATIONS of others. Go Figure.

Now mind you I did not magically learn this overnight or even in the first few weeks, months, or years of my recovery, roflmao I have been a work in progress all these years and I am still improving.

One other thing I did figure out about a resentment, at least for this alkie, is that when I got one, AAers told me I had to pray for the person to get everything that will enhance their life for 14 DAYS STRAIGHT and that if I missed a day, I had to start over. Well, ................... it soon became apparent to this alkie that, that was just too much trouble and it was easier to not get the resentment to begin with, cause sure as shooting I would get to day 8 or 9 or 10 and miss a day and have to start over. So for me, taking the easier softer way of not getting the resentment to begin with was best, lmao.

I'm not perfect yet, and probably won't be until they spread my ashes on the mountains here that I love so much, so even after all these years, I keep practicing, practicing, practicing and I hope y'all will too.

Love and hugs,

recycle

If you kick a dog, and the dog sees you a month later he might bite you. However the dog, unlike a cat, would not have spent the last month plotting how to get you back. Bringing this back on topic, dogs get angry, cats harbor resentments. It is probably a good thing cats can't work cork screws

BellaTeal

Resentment is a major issue for me. I resent every single person that's ever hurt me in any way shape or form. Things from childhood, no matter how seemingly insignificant, continue to evoke hatred today. I'm one of those people that don't forgive and don't forget. I think it definitely played a role in my drinking. When I was 5 days sober, I started thinking about my mother and all the times she hurt me and I became so full of anger. I wanted to drink to make it go away. Instead, I sat with it and the intense feelings did pass eventually, but the resentment towards her is not resolved in the least.

I heard someone say that resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I know I have to deal with my resentments and let them go or I'll never find peace...but just don't know how to. Or maybe I refuse to.

Kjell

Just gotta say this has been a great thread.

Full of solution, kindness, helpfullness, and laughter (love the cat and dog analogies)

Kjell~

Kjell

I'm sure there are many ways, but one way I know works (b/c it worked for me) is the 12 steps of AA.

Kjell~