Why Can't I Just Be NORMAL????
Seize The Day
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 32
Why Can't I Just Be NORMAL????
I'm 25 days sober and so far I have not had any cravings. However, I did have a frustrating moment the other day in the check out line at the grocery store. The cashier had just finished scanning my last item when I looked over at the items belonging to the couple behind me and they had several bottles of wine and a 12 pack of Corona. Of course it was late Friday afternoon!!! I was envious and also angry that I could not just drink like a normal person without allowing it to dominate my life. I just kept saying the Serenity Prayer all the way out to my car and thank goodness that evening was our big Friday night meeting...it's the best one of the whole week. By the time I got to the meeting I was over it but boy was it rough in the check-out line!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 273
OMG I know what you mean!!!!
Last time I was in meetings that is the thinking that messed me up...I had 3 months and this little voice said "Screw this I should be able to have a margarita with my friends for a birthday!"....yeah it stinks doesnt it...
Here are some other thoughts I have had...
How come I wasn't born with OCD or perfectionism instead of alcoholism...
How come I couldn't have an addiction to exercise...
...but I guess I am just lil ole alcoholic/addict me and have to accept that daily...blahhhh
Last time I was in meetings that is the thinking that messed me up...I had 3 months and this little voice said "Screw this I should be able to have a margarita with my friends for a birthday!"....yeah it stinks doesnt it...
Here are some other thoughts I have had...
How come I wasn't born with OCD or perfectionism instead of alcoholism...
How come I couldn't have an addiction to exercise...
...but I guess I am just lil ole alcoholic/addict me and have to accept that daily...blahhhh
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
Great job on the 25 days, it's funny how sometimes the craziest things can twist our minds back to alcohol. I had a similar experience the other day when I ran into my the clerk from my old favorite liquor store, almost put me into a total panic attack. It will get better and it will get easier!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,917
I saw a guy walk out of the grocery store Saturday with a case of beer and a bottle of liquor and said to myself, "thank God that's not me!"
It was 2 minutes after 8:00 a.m. on Saturday morning and he had obviously been waiting for 8 o'clock so the store could sell him the booze. I'm so glad the only thing I want to buy at 8:00 a.m. is coffee.
It was 2 minutes after 8:00 a.m. on Saturday morning and he had obviously been waiting for 8 o'clock so the store could sell him the booze. I'm so glad the only thing I want to buy at 8:00 a.m. is coffee.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
You are normal. To me, you are very normal. I get it. Like many have said, there is no such thing as normal. If a "normal drinker" could experience how much fun and how drinking helped me early on in my drinking career, they'd drink like me to.
The people that don't abuse alcohol like I did, just simply don't get all of the things I got from it. If they did, they wouldn't drink nomal either. Make sense?
For me, having 0 is much easier than having 3, and having 15 is easier than anything else I do in this world. A normal drinker just doesn't view it that way. Alcohol did so much (perceived) good for me early on. The problem was the last 10 years it kicked my a$$ every time I drank it. My solution to my life's problems became bigger than my original problem. Hence the misery and hopelessnes....
I am so glad I don't have to live with that anchor tied to my ankle anymore. When I drank, it was like having sex with a gorilla. It decides when we're done, not me.
Hang in there, you're doing great!!!
The people that don't abuse alcohol like I did, just simply don't get all of the things I got from it. If they did, they wouldn't drink nomal either. Make sense?
For me, having 0 is much easier than having 3, and having 15 is easier than anything else I do in this world. A normal drinker just doesn't view it that way. Alcohol did so much (perceived) good for me early on. The problem was the last 10 years it kicked my a$$ every time I drank it. My solution to my life's problems became bigger than my original problem. Hence the misery and hopelessnes....
I am so glad I don't have to live with that anchor tied to my ankle anymore. When I drank, it was like having sex with a gorilla. It decides when we're done, not me.
Hang in there, you're doing great!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
I'm still early in my sobriety, but I already am at the point in the check out line when I see someone nearby buying three bottles of wine (or something) where I think to myself...what a pain in the ass! First of all, their groceries will most likely be $30.00 more than without the wine purchase and secondly it just was so annoying in the end of my wine drinking days to be sure to procure enough wine for my evening practically every single day. I wouldn't buy in bulk because I was "about" to give up the wine for good.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
I could have been born without a leg, or an enlarged heart, or blind, or def.
I could have grown up to develop a brain tumor, or cancer, or starved in a third world country.
We are, who we are.
There is much to be grateful for when you think about the big picture.
I'm a grateful recovered alcoholic.
Kjell~
I could have grown up to develop a brain tumor, or cancer, or starved in a third world country.
We are, who we are.
There is much to be grateful for when you think about the big picture.
I'm a grateful recovered alcoholic.
Kjell~
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Soberween 
I'm still early in my sobriety, but I already am at the point in the check out line when I see someone nearby buying three bottles of wine (or something) where I think to myself...what a pain in the ass! First of all, their groceries will most likely be $30.00 more than without the wine purchase and secondly it just was so annoying in the end of my wine drinking days to be sure to procure enough wine for my evening practically every single day. I wouldn't buy in bulk because I was "about" to give up the wine for good.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
NORMAL is a setting on a dryer. A spiritual journey, granted through the Grace of God as I understand Him, is anything but NORMAL in my mind, and all I had to do was quit trying to do it for myself.
I find normal to be, well, dreary.
I find normal to be, well, dreary.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by reggiewayne
You are normal. ..... you are very normal. .......there is no such thing as normal.
Just for the heck of it, and I know it's still kind-a early in sobriety for you, but you asked "Why can't I be normal." You also mentioned the serenity prayer so I'm going to assume I won't offend by me mentioning and talking about AA. In the AA program we, by looking back through our past, come to the conclusion that we have to quit playing God because it just hasn't (and won't) work.
So......along those lines.....isn't it a tad presumptuous of you (us) to believe you (we) I could have done a better job creating yourself (ourselves) than God did? (assuming you believe there's a God out there - if you don't, feel free to disregard this post).
Again..... you are normal.......normal for you. And it's my experience that IF you're a real alcoholic and have to seek a spiritual solution to your problem and have to get involved in AA and work the steps and so on and so forth....... that it's all just a little part of a bigger puzzle that you just don't recognize yet.
Without a lot of silly things lining up just the way they did.......I don't know that I'd be alive right now. One thing's for sure though, assuming I was alive, I doubt I'd have nearly as much joy and serenity in my life as I do now. I'm lucky things happened exactly the way they did.......and I'm especially lucky that I'm an alcoholic suffering from alcoholism.
Seize The Day
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by Zebra1275
I saw a guy walk out of the grocery store Saturday with a case of beer and a bottle of liquor and said to myself, "thank God that's not me!"
It was 2 minutes after 8:00 a.m. on Saturday morning and he had obviously been waiting for 8 o'clock so the store could sell him the booze. I'm so glad the only thing I want to buy at 8:00 a.m. is coffee.
It was 2 minutes after 8:00 a.m. on Saturday morning and he had obviously been waiting for 8 o'clock so the store could sell him the booze. I'm so glad the only thing I want to buy at 8:00 a.m. is coffee.
Seize The Day
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by reggiewayne
You are normal. To me, you are very normal. I get it. Like many have said, there is no such thing as normal. If a "normal drinker" could experience how much fun and how drinking helped me early on in my drinking career, they'd drink like me to.
The people that don't abuse alcohol like I did, just simply don't get all of the things I got from it. If they did, they wouldn't drink nomal either. Make sense?
For me, having 0 is much easier than having 3, and having 15 is easier than anything else I do in this world. A normal drinker just doesn't view it that way. Alcohol did so much (perceived) good for me early on. The problem was the last 10 years it kicked my a$$ every time I drank it. My solution to my life's problems became bigger than my original problem. Hence the misery and hopelessnes....
I am so glad I don't have to live with that anchor tied to my ankle anymore. When I drank, it was like having sex with a gorilla. It decides when we're done, not me.
Hang in there, you're doing great!!!
The people that don't abuse alcohol like I did, just simply don't get all of the things I got from it. If they did, they wouldn't drink nomal either. Make sense?
For me, having 0 is much easier than having 3, and having 15 is easier than anything else I do in this world. A normal drinker just doesn't view it that way. Alcohol did so much (perceived) good for me early on. The problem was the last 10 years it kicked my a$$ every time I drank it. My solution to my life's problems became bigger than my original problem. Hence the misery and hopelessnes....
I am so glad I don't have to live with that anchor tied to my ankle anymore. When I drank, it was like having sex with a gorilla. It decides when we're done, not me.
Hang in there, you're doing great!!!
Thanks for the advice. Ironically I stopped drinking in my mid 20's for career purposes as it was not a problem in my life at that time. I started back about 13 years ago and up until the past 2 years it was merely PART of my life, it did not control my life. Everyone is right when they say that it is a progressive disease. I stopped drinking for a while about a year ago and began to journal my experiences growing up in an alcoholic family plus having realized, by that time that I too had developed a dependency on it. I started back drinking and not wanting to be a hypacrit I put the journal away. I picked it back up 3 weeks ago and began to put it into a "book" format. I haven't stopped since. Hopefully I will have it completed within the next several weeks. I figure that if it can help at least one person who is experiencing what it is like to be an alcoholic, then all of the time and effort put into this will have been well worth it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NYC/NJ
Posts: 431
Drinking is so prevalent in society, and if a lot of the time you see someone having or a buying a drink, you start to envy it in some way or wish you could have one, then eventually one day when you're not as strong or guarded, you will likely cave. It's possible you'll manage to not cave, but you won't find the true joy of a sober life if you feel like you're missing out on something (which you're not). You need to change your perceptions and associations. Alcohol clearly caused you so much pain, it doesn't work for you. When you think about alcohol, you need to really associate with that side of it, and not the short-term fleeting high. I don't mean intellectually, I know you understand it on the level. I mean really feel it.
This takes genuine change in behaviors and actions, which then eventually change feelings and thought patterns. Not vice versa. It takes more than just not drinking, or going to meetings. It's a lot of work, but it's well worth it..
This takes genuine change in behaviors and actions, which then eventually change feelings and thought patterns. Not vice versa. It takes more than just not drinking, or going to meetings. It's a lot of work, but it's well worth it..
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 323
Originally Posted by Carpediem1
I'm 25 days sober and so far I have not had any cravings. However, I did have a frustrating moment the other day in the check out line at the grocery store. The cashier had just finished scanning my last item when I looked over at the items belonging to the couple behind me and they had several bottles of wine and a 12 pack of Corona. Of course it was late Friday afternoon!!! I was envious and also angry that I could not just drink like a normal person without allowing it to dominate my life. I just kept saying the Serenity Prayer all the way out to my car and thank goodness that evening was our big Friday night meeting...it's the best one of the whole week. By the time I got to the meeting I was over it but boy was it rough in the check-out line!!!
I never feel envious of those people. Most often.. I pity them. Even the people who don't get trashed and black out like I did, I just feel for them that their idea of a good time is alcohol. Its a waste of time and money. I have to be careful with this attitude though as I wouldn't want to give off an elitist attitude vibe. If they can drink and not get into trouble more power to them.
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