Azreal

Every time I relapse, the day after karma shows up at my doorstep and gives me a good slap in the face. I've been trying pretty hard lately and had some success. I let my guard down and had some beer with dinner last night. Anyway, today I have some tough stuff to deal with at work. The stuff I'm dealing with has to do directly with mistakes I've made and how I've tried to cover them up by lying. I can only sit back and look at the situation and wonder, Gee, would I be dealing with this if my mind wasn't always so focused on drinking/not drinking? Would I be making these mistakes if I had a clear head? Would I be making the same decision to lie about the mistake if I wasn't drinking?

All I can do now is deal with the consequences. I accept the fact that I made a mistake, but to lie about it is not right. It makes me really question myself and my integrity. I hate that. I have the feeling in the pit of my stomach that just won't go away.

If there's any positive to this whole thing, the last thing I feel like doing is having something to drink!!!

keithj

Azreal, is it possible that this statement is a lie? From my perspective, you've been trying pretty hard lately, and you relapsed again just like you have for the past three years. You can spin that any way you want to feel better about it, that's the facts of where you are.

My observation might sting a little, but ask yourself if it's true or not. This is the nature of alcoholism. I kept trying really hard, kept going to doctors, counselors, treatment, rehab, and I kept getting drunk. Just like you.

I had to concede that I didn't have the power to stay sober. Maybe some people have this power, but I did not. AA's 12 Steps hooked me up with that power. I recovered, and so can you if you're willing to do what I did.

Azreal

keith, nothing wrong with brutal honesty. I've had the longest periods of sobriety in the past few months that I've had in 10 years. Am I where I want to be yet? No. Do I feel like I've made some progress? Yes. Not saying what I'm doing is right or wrong by any stretch. Maybe it's time I go a little farther in this process and speak to someone about my issues.

AWOL

Azreal, Most of us make mistakes. No one is perfect. I think it takes courage just to come and post here like you have. Progress sometimes does happen in degrees and I can only wish you enduring progress on this journey.

bellakeller

It's not karma kicking you in the ass. It's alcohol and all the crap that goes with it for people like us.

Azreal

Well, I finally spoke with the party involved in the mistake. They were extremely understanding and did not react the way I thought they would. Very thankful for that!

UniqueNewYork

Azreal my advice is to call someone you love and confess your "crime" (i'm sure its nothing really). I did this recently and my gf told me essentially i was the greatest guy ever and what I did made sense yada yada.

Another route you could go is call a friend and try to help with their problems. Once you listen to someone talk about divorce, family problems, bankruptcy, illness, etc some little crap at work doesn't seem so big.

OklaBH

I so get what you are saying. Can I ask...how many relapses have you had?

Azreal

Okla, 3 since december.

OklaBH

Since declaring I was done with alcohol in january I have drank 3 times. I feel awful but yhen not so bad. Before I couldn't go a day without drinking....I'm stringing some sobriety together now at least

MrDavid

"If there's any positive to this whole thing, the last thing I feel like doing is having something to drink!!!"

We hope you continue to experience that sentiment -one sober day at a time.