BullDog777

next week, my wife and daughter are going to NY for a week to catch up with my wife's old school friends. they're gonna be gone for 7 days and i'm getting kinda nervous about it.

i'm able to walk a good path when they're around , but they'll be gone for a whole week....did i mention they're gonna be gone a WHOLE week?! i found myself thinking about some very self destructive behavior and what i could get away with.

it kinda took me back to feel like i might be having a desire after 16 months...or worse, could i be planning a relapse?

i don't know how serious it was...it was fleeting, but those can be dangerous too. i think i just needed to tell someone about it.

BDog.

ste

BDog, you are still responsible for yourself... and we know you can tell the bad thoughts to go away. Smack 'em down!

LoftyIdeals

Bulldog. Glad you posted. Fortunately, weather is breaking and it will be a good week to get out for you, or get caught up around the yard/house. Oh, yeah, and go to meetings, more meetings, more meetings, and SR, SR, SR. Just be active enough to keep your mind occupied.. that's my suggestion.

SSIL75

I think that's normal. Probably the first time you'll be alone for that long, sober right? Every 'first' is hard. My husband took my kids away for the weekend and I could imagine everything I could have done. How I could dispose of the bottles. Pay cash at the liquor store.

It's like how I imagine jumping off a subway platform if I stand there. Just my imagination.

FWIW DH was away again this weekend (I had my kids though) and I had a terrible day on Saturday (just kid stuff but I'm 8 mos pregnant and prone to ). The wine in the fridge ran through my head quickly but not even close to the same detail as it did the first or even second time he went away. I'm creating new patterns for myself.

I have no doubt you'll be fine. It's OK (good, even) to worry I think. Remember how just ending the day was a struggle? Everything gets better with practice.

Opivotal

I think you'll be fine Bulldog! You have yourself to face each morning regardless of who's around. Staying sober falls in your court. Keep busy, be productive, and most importantly stay in recovery. You know that alcoholic voice is just messing with your head. Play that tape through to the end! Nothing good can come from relapsing.


Best Wishes to You! :ghug3

LaFemme

Psalm 23 my friend...you will not be alone.

I have an idea...set up a big canvas and dedicate yourself to painting something just for you this week

TwelveSteps

If you're in AA, talk about these feelings at meetings.

GG

artsoul

I used to love being left alone..... It was great until the end of the first night when I realized I was going to spend half of the next day in bed and probably need a drink or three to get over my little party.

Why not start a project - something you could surprise your wife and daughter with when they get home? Plant some flowers, build a bookcase, get some fun photos framed for them.......

At least make some plans for what you're going to do that first night....... once you get through that, I bet you'll be fine.

Kjell

Hi BullDog-

You might be planning a relapse or maybe just fearful.

I'd step up your recovery efforts.

Now is the time to do more, not less.

Kjell~

BullDog777

excellent idea....

you know, as soon as I read your post, it occured to me that it never even crossed my mind just to do a week long painting marathon.

I think i might have been starting to obsess about the possibility of a relapse and no more productive thoughts were coming into play.
wow. i really thought that this self destructive thinking was gone forever.

So....I'm going to be checking in multiple times a day. i can never forget what a war it was to get here and how badly my family needs me to stay.

and Psalm 23....thanks for the reality check.

BullDog777

thanks everyone else for their posts too. i really appreciate all of the support.

Zebra1275

As other's have said, keep yourself busy, go to more AA meetings if you are in AA. And do something tangible around the house so that your wife can see what you did when she was gone, paint the bathroom or something.

There is a part of her that is probably expecting you to crash and burn with your new found freedom. She's trusting you to stay sober even if she doesn't say anything about it. Reinforce her trust in you.

rws177

Well you read what happend to me so trust me that a relapse is not worth it!! Starting over at day one is the worst feeling in the world.

CarolD

Vigilance =freedom for me...
Prayers keep me in emotional balance

bellakeller

Old ideas are useless to you now. When you get an old idea, maybe just post it here or tell on yourself at a meeting and hopefully they will lose their power. You'll get through.

skg

Cool. Now you can check out those other AA meetings you've always thought about going to without having to explain where you're going.

LaFemme

BD...post a picture of the painting when you are done I want to see

P.S. - I am always alone....if I can stay sober 8.5 months on my own, you better make it 7 days

TheEnd

Bulldog, you know guys like us can't just pick up and walk away. Sure the idea sounds great, but play the tape through And if you do get away with it, who knows what else you might try in the future. Don't risk it, you have come too far, it's not worth it in the long run.

aasharon90

I use to enjoy a few days I would have to
myself when the rest of the family went on
Band Trips.

My husband was one of the band chaperons
and I was glad he went with our 2 kids.

Because I was the one in recovery and working
a program, it was good to have time separated
even if it was for 2 or 3 days.

I would look forward to little things I could enjoy
alone. Like pampering myself. Id get movies to
watch, esp. the ones no one else liked. Chick Flicks.
Get my favorite ice cream. Popcorn. A new gown.
Bubble bath. Fuzzy slippers. Flowers. Candles.
You get the idea?

You'd be surprised at how many exciting things u
can come up with that dont include drinking, getting
drunk and hangovers.

Have fun for you.

Dee74

great advice here J - you know the score - I have no worries that you'll be ok

D