Close to relapse
Close to relapse
Hi SR,
For the first time since quitting (101 days ago), I've seriously considered taking a drink more than once in the same day. I feel like I'm getting close to relapse.
The main problem is that I've had to break my new sober routine. I'm on vacation in a place where lots of people drink, where alcohol is cheap, and where I have significant amounts of downtime.
And this is only day 2 of a two week vacation. I'm with my family and I'm the only one who speaks the language here, so they're nervous about me leaving them for any period of time.
Anyone have suggestions? Words of wisdom to help me off the ledge?
Thanks.
For the first time since quitting (101 days ago), I've seriously considered taking a drink more than once in the same day. I feel like I'm getting close to relapse.
The main problem is that I've had to break my new sober routine. I'm on vacation in a place where lots of people drink, where alcohol is cheap, and where I have significant amounts of downtime.
And this is only day 2 of a two week vacation. I'm with my family and I'm the only one who speaks the language here, so they're nervous about me leaving them for any period of time.
Anyone have suggestions? Words of wisdom to help me off the ledge?
Thanks.
Come on Reset, you can do it. Sit down and get out a pen and paper and let's start writing down the pros and cons of picking it up again. Let's also remember why we quit...write that down too.
Then start mapping out the 2 weeks with things to do other that drinking. Where are you vacationing? Maybe we can help you with a list.
Then start mapping out the 2 weeks with things to do other that drinking. Where are you vacationing? Maybe we can help you with a list.
Reset...I have a friend at work that has been sober for 15 yrs now. He just went on a vacation to Hawaii..I asked him what he did at cocktail time. He told the server right off the bat to make virgin drinks for him. He tried out new stuff..just without alcohol. I guess you have to think back to the hell you went through while drinking and KNOW that it is just not an option. Hang in there Mister..
Well you're doing the right thing by posting! The 'first' everything is very hard. You're 2 days into your first vacation (I'm assuming it's your first sober vacation). You probably don't know what to do with yourself. All this takes practice. This normal life stuff.
Take drinking off the table as far as options. Breathe. Plans new things to try. Breathe. And IDK if this will sound depressing but for me I say to myself "So what if I have a crappy ____" (Christmas, day, visit with my parents, night out etc). You know what? Some of those things were crap. It was OK. They passed. I'm still sober and there is NO QUESTION that sober life is better.
Keep us posted, OK?
Take drinking off the table as far as options. Breathe. Plans new things to try. Breathe. And IDK if this will sound depressing but for me I say to myself "So what if I have a crappy ____" (Christmas, day, visit with my parents, night out etc). You know what? Some of those things were crap. It was OK. They passed. I'm still sober and there is NO QUESTION that sober life is better.
Keep us posted, OK?
Don't drink--no matter what.
You will get through this vacation sober. If you need to, look for an AA meeting. Most hotels/resorts have them.
It feels very weird sometimes not having a drink when we are used to drinking during stressful situations. Even though this is vacation, they can be stressful, too. Take some time to read some recovery literature every day. Think about how good it will feel to come through this challenge sober. Pray.
You can do this, I know you can.
You will get through this vacation sober. If you need to, look for an AA meeting. Most hotels/resorts have them.
It feels very weird sometimes not having a drink when we are used to drinking during stressful situations. Even though this is vacation, they can be stressful, too. Take some time to read some recovery literature every day. Think about how good it will feel to come through this challenge sober. Pray.
You can do this, I know you can.
Yeah, if you get to a point that you feel you have no alternative but to drink, promise us you'll wait at least ten minutes. Then just see how you feel. The urge will probably be substantially less.
Also, enlist you family's help. Tell them you're on the wagon and ask them to help you be vigilant.
Also, enlist you family's help. Tell them you're on the wagon and ask them to help you be vigilant.
Journaling is an excellent idea. Meditation, prayer, whatever it takes to firmly set in your mind your resolve not to drink.
Play the tape all the way through... Yes a drink would be fine, but would it stop there? Whats happens tomorrow when you wake up in jail? Even if it is not an immediate catastrophe, there will be consequences right? Not the least of which will be your state of mind.
I can relate to your thoughts not being helpful at certain times. That's the way states of mind are. Whatever state of mind you are in right now makes all other states of mind seem unreal. When you are feeling good, like on vacation, you can't really imagine feeling bad. So you are feeling good, and you assume your thoughts will perpetuate the good times - wrong.
Enjoy holiday, drinking is a FAIL.
Play the tape all the way through... Yes a drink would be fine, but would it stop there? Whats happens tomorrow when you wake up in jail? Even if it is not an immediate catastrophe, there will be consequences right? Not the least of which will be your state of mind.
I can relate to your thoughts not being helpful at certain times. That's the way states of mind are. Whatever state of mind you are in right now makes all other states of mind seem unreal. When you are feeling good, like on vacation, you can't really imagine feeling bad. So you are feeling good, and you assume your thoughts will perpetuate the good times - wrong.
Enjoy holiday, drinking is a FAIL.
Incidentally, thinking about drinking does NOT necessarily mean you are "about to relapse." Thoughts are not destiny. Maybe it's a sign you need to ramp up your work on your recovery, but relapse is not inevitable.
Thanks everyone. I think just writing that down was helpful but I appreciate your suggestions so far. I don't pray but I did go to the Buddhism book I'm reading and it had some interesting applications for the situation. And I did try to remember exactly why I quit, and having a better relationship with my kids was one of the main things. Being sober on this vacation is definitely contributing to a better relationship with them.
This is the first sober vacation I've taken, and the first "real" or exotic vacation I've taken in about 10 years. We're in Brazil and unfortunately I associate Brazil with drinking because I come here for business once in a while and always get smashed every single night while I'm here. Seeing the beer and cachaca flowing freely has been hard. But I'm sticking to juice, coffee and dharma.
I will continue to reflect on the happy times with my kids and check back in here periodically.
Thanks for your help.
This is the first sober vacation I've taken, and the first "real" or exotic vacation I've taken in about 10 years. We're in Brazil and unfortunately I associate Brazil with drinking because I come here for business once in a while and always get smashed every single night while I'm here. Seeing the beer and cachaca flowing freely has been hard. But I'm sticking to juice, coffee and dharma.
I will continue to reflect on the happy times with my kids and check back in here periodically.
Thanks for your help.
If you've never read Kevin Griffin, I highly recommend "One Breath at a Time". Don't know how easy it would be to find it down there in Brazil, but it's an awesome book that is all about how the 12 Steps correlate with the Eightfold Path. I think you'd find it a terrific read.
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Hi SR,
For the first time since quitting (101 days ago), I've seriously considered taking a drink more than once in the same day. I feel like I'm getting close to relapse.
The main problem is that I've had to break my new sober routine. I'm on vacation in a place where lots of people drink, where alcohol is cheap, and where I have significant amounts of downtime.
And this is only day 2 of a two week vacation. I'm with my family and I'm the only one who speaks the language here, so they're nervous about me leaving them for any period of time.
Anyone have suggestions? Words of wisdom to help me off the ledge?
Thanks.
For the first time since quitting (101 days ago), I've seriously considered taking a drink more than once in the same day. I feel like I'm getting close to relapse.
The main problem is that I've had to break my new sober routine. I'm on vacation in a place where lots of people drink, where alcohol is cheap, and where I have significant amounts of downtime.
And this is only day 2 of a two week vacation. I'm with my family and I'm the only one who speaks the language here, so they're nervous about me leaving them for any period of time.
Anyone have suggestions? Words of wisdom to help me off the ledge?
Thanks.
Yes, What would a drink solve? What would a drink do for you?
What would a drink, then more drinks do for you?
I am at 100 days!
Think back, and be honest with yourself, and recall every horrible time that happened when you drank.
That's what I have to do. See the problem as it really was.
We will fool ourselves, and believe the lie that it wasn't that bad...this time it will be different, but if we are honest...our very experience will prove otherwise.
We know we must never drink.
There is NO excuse worth it, for throwing our sobriety away.
For you, for me...nothing worth it.
Does it still feel like you are missing out on a good time?
I know!
Sometimes, I see the food channel shows, and they are traveling, and having wine! Change the channel!
This is the time when you really need to rely on God, your support network, us at SR... are there AA meetings where you are? Go!
Read the big book online! Listen to AA speakers online!
There is so much you can do to help you get out of self right now.
The selfish part of us whines and wants what it wants...yet we have warped our minds with such an obsession for destructive drinking like it says in the 12 and 12...so it's not real! ....the illusion that we are like other people, and can control and enjoy our drinking!
Stay in service for those around you. People are relying on you. People will need your help.
There are women that are struggling right now on these boards in their first days of sobriety, and are trying to find their way.
They need you and I.
Someone asked me today, how did I get 100 days. Someone in the first days of sobriety that is having a tough time.
We need to remember that we can only be helpful as we stay sober.
The vacation will be over, and you will look back and say, Wow, how wonderful, I stayed sober. I don't have to drink on vacation to have a good time.
Let me tell you this.
I had 2 weeks last summer, and I thought I was fine. I went on vacation, and 2 days in, saw the people in the hotel bar with their wine, as I waited for my food, and I went and joined them...oh yes, one wine for me too....and another...and the next day was at the local store buying 2 bottles of wine, because once you start...the body and mind will be demanding more daily.
Do you really want to do that to yourself?
I don't think so, or you wouldn't be here.
Say you have an urge someone told me, fine, but don't say you want to drink after you have been working so hard at sobriety.
Recognize that the disease, alcohol, wants us to drink.
We can have thoughts to drink, but we have too many tools to use before it turns into a full blown obsession where we are without defense.
Ask God to help you to see your problem as it really is, and then ask God to remove the obsession to drink.
Say the serenity prayer.
You can do it.
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Unrecovered alcoholics drink again. I've seen it hundreds, if not thousands, of times. See it every day on this forum, and it comes in many different ways. A break in the routine, a resentment, a feeling of entitlement, a celebration, being in a sketchy situation, etc. The particulars are all different, but unrecovered alcoholics drink again.
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Sorry OP, missed that you don't pray to God! Sorry about that! I just replied without reading down through the thread.
I have a friend that substitues God with good that is buddhist.
I just write what works for me. ! Oopsy!
I have a friend that substitues God with good that is buddhist.
I just write what works for me. ! Oopsy!
lots of good advice in this thread reset - as long as you're prepared to rat yourself out, look for support and work hard on your recovery, I think you're doing all the right things
wishing you a happy sober vacation
D
wishing you a happy sober vacation
D
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